Need Advice
By kedralynn
@kedralynn (980)
United States
April 30, 2010 2:25pm CST
It's kind of a long story so I thank anyone who reads it all.
Years ago I ended up dating one of my coworkers. We'll say his name is Derrick. Anyway, he had a girlfriend, we'll call her Sara. I know those were both mistkes. He broke up with her to be with me. Sara also worked with us. She made sure to make my work life miserable. She spread rumors about me and bad mouthed me a lot.
I was happily living with Derrick for 3 months. I knew he still had a thing for his ex. One day I found out he had lied to me about where he has and that he was with her. So I broke up with him and packed up my stuff. Sara was there when I got my things. I left behind one of my blankets for Derrick as he had none.
Upon going to work the next day I found out that Sara had told EVERYONE what had happened. She also had my blanket at work. She continued to make my work life miserable. I had to hide from her for months until she got fired. Derrick had quit working there already. Her and Derrick broke up again 3 weeks later. I figured after that I was free of her.
Now here we are years later. I'm in a new relationship and very happy with my partner. But I found out one of his good friends (a girl who dated his brother) is now friends with Sara. I found that Sara is saying I stole her fiance! They were never engaged and I called Derrick to confirm that.
Anyway now this girl (his friend, not Sara) is on the phone with my boyfriend calling me names and talking about how I need to look more like her (she's a stripper and I guess she's hot). She's talking inappropriately to my boyfriend and it's upsetting me. It also upsets me that I did NOT hear my boyfriend defend me. I can't escape Sara. She just has to cause more drama for me. She's turned my boyfriend's friend against me.
What do I do? Do I try talking to Sara? How do I approach my boyfriend? I don't want to tell him to dump his friend but I can't sit here and listen to this.
1 person likes this
9 responses
@sheen13 (567)
• India
1 May 10
Wow...This is some situation where one should listen to one's heart. But anyways it's great that you have alot of trust on us. It's really bad of that sara. She has really ruined your life to the core. You know what, firstly, you should you go and talk to Sara and ask her what's her problem. From your talks, it seems that Sara is a stubborn and selfish girl. She just thinks about herself, that's it. But still you should go to her and talk and solve each and every thing. And if she doesn't listen and understand what you are saying, then better you control your anger and still speak to her politely because again she can do something wrong. You speak to her nicely and walk off. And then you can go to your boyfriend and explain him everything from the beginning and say him to beleive you and explain this all to his friend as well. Hopefully everything soon will be alright!
1 person likes this
@sheen13 (567)
• India
5 May 10
Hmmmmmmmm...atleast you atled to her and the main thing is that you told everything to your boyfriend. But yea you stll have to talk to Sara and ask why she is mad at you. But don't worry everything will be alright. It could be possible that she is jealous of you or something else. anyways, now you are happy with your boyfriend and that your boyfriend isn't angry on you. That is great! And the matter of Sara will also be solved soon. Relax! Happy mylotting!:)
@kedralynn (980)
• United States
1 May 10
I've tried to talk to her before. I apologized and was very sincere. Since she had just broken up with Derrick at the time I apologized, she seemed to be ok with everything. She told me she didn't like him anymore and that I was lucky he left me. In fact until recently, I thought we had made peace and were friends. She'd leave me nice comments on myspace. I guess she was just pretending to be nice :/
I have talked things out with my boyfriend at least and he and I are ok now. I just have to find out how to contact Sara and ask her why she's still mad at me.
@kedralynn (980)
• United States
7 May 10
Sara is hard to talk to. It's almost like she lied so often about what happened that she's starting to believe the lies. At least I hopefully won't hear from her anymore.
@evepin (721)
• Philippines
1 May 10
my friend once told me, "you can only control your actions and reactions, but not other's." yes, karma bites like crazy i guess but it doesn't mean you have to be its captive forever. just don't mind that Sara girl and just live your life. she seems like she hasn't moved on with your issues and continues to be trapped by what happened. just pray that she lets go and that her healing will begin.
now to the other girl your bf's friend, don't mind her too. its actually none of her business.
it is however your and your bf's business. talk to him about it. tell him it bothers you that he's not even defending you. if he says nothing then well, that basically says everything.
1 person likes this
@kedralynn (980)
• United States
7 May 10
Yeah I learned a lot from this past experience that's for sure.
@kedralynn (980)
• United States
1 May 10
Oh I like that "you can only control your actions and reactions but not other's." I've made my mistakes and I'd like to think I'd paid for them. I've tried to apologize to her before. I was genuinely sorry for her pain that I caused. I've done all I can to make up for it. Now I'm just going to try to move on.
I talked with my boyfriend and I think he truly understands the situation now and how I feel about it. I think we'll be ok. Thank you :)
@xxazndragon01 (1250)
• United States
30 Apr 10
well first of all i got to call out your boyfriend no offence to him but he should tell his friend the stfu i don't if that is just me but i don't like people talking trash about my girl and another thing if that sara girl or whatever her name is like to talk trash and never does anything to back it up i say you just walk up to her and tell her like it is to her face i bet you should would be scarred and leave you alone that is with most trash talkers.
1 person likes this
@kedralynn (980)
• United States
1 May 10
No it's true, I think he needs to tell his friend to stfu too. I think he needs to defend me. He knows me and he knows the rumors aren't true. And Sara, well I've tried to approach her before and she's sooo dense that nothing gets thru her thick skull. I had Derrick talk to her and she's still sticking to her lies.
@lovelyn_medrano (3070)
• Philippines
5 May 10
Sara is a big headache, huh! And she is like a ghost that hunts you...
It seems to me that Sara is very insecure on you... She is very angry with you may be because the guy yur both ex said something to her too to defend himself... IWe both don't know the real story between them... All I know is when you came into the scene their relationship (sara and your ex) are not really over yet...That is why Sara look at you as the bad girl...
Anyways, whatever... what she's doing is still not right... I suggest you better talk to your boyfriend and tell him the real story behind... It is not good that all he hears are the side stories of Sara... Better make it more understandable to your boyfriend too...
Don't talk to Sara. Just ignore her. As long as you are not doing any bad on her... Your conscience is clear. Sara is very bitter, if you talk to her, she might end up hysterical or something... She might explode like a monster!
@kedralynn (980)
• United States
5 May 10
I know I made a mistake in the past and hurt Sara. And I tried everything I could to make it right back then. Especially after she got her guy back. I thought things would be done then. She pretended to be my friend but she was faking.
I just wish she'd grow up and let it go.
I have spoken with my boyfriend about the situation. I told him the whole story and how I feel about Sara today. How I didn't steal her fiance and how I am not trying to hurt her. I think he understand and he's decided not to talk to her or this friend of his anymore if she can't be nice to me.
I'm going to keep on trying to ignore Sara as I'm sure she just wants the attention. She'd be happy to know she's upsetting me and I don't want to give that girl the satisfaction!
Thanks.
@melloncollie (661)
• Philippines
30 Apr 10
You need to openly address your concerns to you boyfriend. Tell her that Sara has been making your life miserable. Open up to your boyfriend whatever it was that happened in the past. Lay all your cards on the table. Tell him it's up to him who he's gonna side with. As long as you have communicated and relayed your concerns to your bf, you will never have a peace of mind.
You and your bf should be partners in crime. Like "you and me against the world". That's what my wife and I established for ourselves. We showed each other our dirty closest. She knew how I lived my life before her and vice versa. Now every time things such as yours happen to us, we just look at each other and give each other smiles. Because all them people can say nasty things about us, it's okay... they don't know that there are a lot more and far more nastier than what they have to say ... and the keeper of those nasty secrets is just us... mine to my wife and me to my wife's.
1 person likes this
@kedralynn (980)
• United States
30 Apr 10
Thank you. Yes I'm going to tell him everything about what happened in the past with Sara. I will let him know how she continues to make me miserable. I'll also tell him how what he did made me feel really hurt. Hopefully he'll understand and we'll get over it. Because you're right, we should be a team. Us against the world. I need his support in this or it won't work.
@PriestessLong (115)
• United States
1 May 10
no one can turn anyone against anyone, they shouldn't have that much power, what I think you should do is talk to them both, maybe even together if you all can be adults.
sounds like a misunderstanding between all of you, commuication is the key to any relationship.
1 person likes this
@kedralynn (980)
• United States
1 May 10
Yes we're going to try talking. I took some time to calm down before talking with my boyfriend about it tho because I don't want to say something out of anger that I might regret later.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
30 Apr 10
Hi Sweetie
Ignore Sara as this is what she wants she wants you to pay attention to her, then she will tell everyone
As for your Boyfriend, he needs to get his priority right which is you, he should be defending you and put his Friend straight and tell her to quit talking about you like that
You do not have to tell him to dump her (even though in my eyes out of respect to you he should) but you have to make it plain to him, that it is upsetting that he will not defend you or even worse that he is letting his Friend talk about you like that
I am sorry this is happening to you but please you have to put a stop to it I know what it is like
@kedralynn (980)
• United States
30 Apr 10
Thank you for the response :)
Yes he and I need to talk about his priorities. Right now I want to give him the benefit of doubt and think that maybe he didn't know it would upset me (tho I think he should know!). I plan on letting him know how I feel. And I will try to ignore Sara.
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
1 May 10
Just ignore her. You'll be fine. You're just freaking out. Here's a question. How do you feel when someone told you a rumor about someone? Do you believe it right away?
@kedralynn (980)
• United States
1 May 10
I personally don't like to gossip. I think it's silly to hear what so and so did to so and so. I don't usually believe rumors. I'm just upset that the boyfriend doesn't seem to be siding with me :/
But I'll continue to try to ignore her. I know she just wants attention.
@cloud31 (5809)
•
30 Apr 10
Hi kedralynn,
Why not try to talk about the past with your boyfriend if he care about your past then he probably talk something about or else he will say something to defend you, and also try to speak to Sara about these that this is no longer her passed and she don't have any idea to make this relationship and how happy you are in this relationship, since she already took back his bf before its fair enough to stop making you down.It was not your fault either why her bf leave her because of you,its his bf knows what's the matter with her why he need to chose you instead of keeping her.
Try to be clear to explain everything to your boyfriend and see what we will be his objection about your past.And whatever the outcome you have to be ready of those consequences, its better to confront Sara about this also and most especially your bf,so he won't put the blame on you regarding this matter.
Good luck and Happy weekend!
@kedralynn (980)
• United States
30 Apr 10
Thank you sweetie. I will try to talk to my boyfriend tonight and let him know how I feel. I will also tell him about my past and how difficult it was for me. I want him to know that I don't want to have to deal with that drama and that he should support me if he loves me.
