about exes
By hibang
@hibang (80)
Philippines
May 2, 2010 4:01am CST
should you still have communication with your ex?
In my situation, she was my bestfriend before she became my girlfriend for two years before we broke up, now it's been 5 years since we broke up, she has a boyfriend now for 4 years, I think. And I have also others girl who came next after her. Now, I want to cut all the bonds we had when we broke up, but the problem is, she still communicates with me, like giving me phone calls, text messages, facebook, etc.
I really wanted to cut "ALL" bonds to her, what can I do?
If you are in this situation, what would you do?
1 person likes this
14 responses
@darbas_namie (326)
• Lithuania
2 May 10
I know your situation and also I know how you feel. I have been in this situation and it was more complicated, because I am married... and after a long time we start to communicate (I and my ex), i was already married, but we communicated like a friends and no more. but one day, my husband went to a mission for really long time. I felt lonely, because my husband was working really long hours and we did not talk every day (sometimes once a week). Then I and my ex were communicating a lot... and everywhere... the worst thing was that those nice memories and all feelings woke up when one night we were drunk... and etc... after a big month we separate (with my ex).. i was strong and i told him, that I have my family now and I do not want to brake it. I ask him to get lost of my life.. I start to ignore him everywhere. I have delete and block all his contacts.
I think you have to talk with her and tell that you do not want to be with her like a friends or even more...
@teamrose (1492)
• United States
2 May 10
The real question is why do you want to stop communication? Does just being in contact with her bring back painful memories? Do you feel you can't enjoy a fresh relationship unless you break all bounds with the past? Is she just so smoking hot, that you get sick knowing you can't have that anymore?
Examine why you want to end all ties and then act accordingly.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
3 May 10
Great point, teamrose. I was wondering the same thing because I've managed to remain on friendly terms with all my exes even though we aren't all best of friends. there are a couple that are very close friends regardless of whether or not we are together.
@hibang (80)
• Philippines
3 May 10
thanks for the replies, I would really end all ties with her miss teamrose, I also examined and concluded that she would be a cause of conflicts or some sort between me and my present girlfriend, like what happened on my relationships after her. What I can't cut with her is the fact that she was my bestfriend before.
@kharlav (1669)
• Philippines
2 May 10
I think your girlfriend still have feelings for you, though you may not or she may not notice it. It's not right to stay connected with her now that she still has a boyfriend. If I were in your situation, I wouldn't mind her when she texts or send any messages. I wouldn't reply back or answer her calls. In this way, it would give her a hint that I want to end the bond between us and I don't want to be connected with her again.
@blue_thr3e (403)
• Philippines
2 May 10
why do you want to cut all bonds with her, anyway? does she affects you very much? anyway, you can change your number and then delete her from all your social network site. doing those will have your message sent. as in, she'll understand right away that you wanted her to back off. okay, that's rude. so what? you know you wanted to be rude so don't hide it.^_^
@blue_thr3e (403)
• Philippines
5 May 10
you said YOU WANTED to cut all ties with her, how do you think you'd do that? come on, think. cutting ties is cutting ties. however you do it, it will hurt. that's why i asked why do you want to cut ties anyway. if you really don't want to hurt her, then just keep your communication with her. after all, she was your best friend.
@ongtina (1232)
• Singapore
3 May 10
Whether a person should keep contact with the ex or not, depend on how it affects both party. If it brings hurt to you or to your present relationship, stop. If it brings misunderstanding to the other party that both of you can rekindle and this is not what you want, stop. How to stop, 2 ways. One, you can do it with words, direct speech or text, be very direct and honest about what you want to say. Second, you can do it with actions. Totally ignore and don't reply, even to change all contactable links that she knows of. You should be able to cut all bonds.
@darbas_namie (326)
• Lithuania
4 May 10
you must to decide.. what do you really want? if you do not want to hurt her, so, explain everything what you feel, what you want and why. if she is your really just a good friend, so she will understand, but if she will be angree or etc, than i do not think that she was a good friend... or maybe she wants you? if yes,,, so be careful...
there is only one way. you have to think what you want and than to talk with her. maybe she is trying to make a toy from you for herself. maybe she likes to play with the feelings and etc. so, good luck ;)
@Genericbe (1376)
• Philippines
3 May 10
hi hib,
I guess in any relationship that had been part of the past and called ex's relationships may be considered somehow painful in anyway. Regardless who committed the greatness in mistakes. However, the main resolution for that is to accept the changes, and start a new chapter in life, a new beginning for someone much worth than the past, a new change or adjustment in any new relationship that may exists.
In my opinion, if your condition in having communications still with your past ex's will not give you any good outcome at all, then better yet have that decision to cut things rather keeping yourself from being disturbed or any unwanted instances that may affect you personally. But, if you feel not much affected at present even staying in communication with your ex's then, I guess it is more of a challenge for you to let your ex's know what had changed and how your life continuously improve without him/her.
Sometimes, no matter how things harder to accept in reality. We have to face each trials in life. It is not by rejecting any, but more of accepting that challenge for yourself which will help you become more better as a person than before.
I personally experienced that before, but whatever remorse or unwanted things they caused me, it is not my conscience that haunts. I do still respect them as a person but there are limits of any personal attachments. For, them to know the difference and how to treasure those people they have parted their lives and learn from their mistakes, as well as mine. Sometimes, this people of our past, make us of what we are now, it is more of learning from one's experiences and continuously hoping that someday, a better and much worth person will come your way that will totally make you inspire, feel complete, comfortable and contented in life and the relationship.
Happy mylotting
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
3 May 10
Apparently she still looks like you as a friend and maybe because you were best friends prior to dating. It seems that you don't even want to be friends with her. Well, If I had someone that I "thought" was a friend but secretly they wanted nothing to do with me then I'd be hurt but I'd want them to be honest. I don't want someone just pretending to be my friend. I think that given your history together that you owe her at least to be honest. Sure it'll probably hurt her feelings but I'm sure she will get over it. Sometimes friends just move apart in other directions. Just tell her the truth.
@mensab (4200)
• Philippines
2 May 10
this is really difficult and unfortunate situation for you. i can understand the complexity of the situation. i have been there. and i decided to keep the friendship s long as my current partner knows the boundaries and our past. i think transparency and honesty with the current partner help in easing the guilt of transforming the past relationship into friendship again. the failed relationship must not be buried in the past and not bothered with it anymore coz it will always be part of our lives.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
2 May 10
i still have communications with my ex-wife. we have to continue to communicate and be friends after all, since we have a kid. but if the situation involves no other, and you really want to cut all the ties with her, don't reply to any of her calls and messages. when she feels she is being ignored, she will eventually realize it.
@daliaj (5674)
• India
3 May 10
It is not must that you should cut all the relationships with her. You should ask your present girl friend's opinion about that. Mostly girls don't like their husbands or boy friends being in contact with their ex-girl friends. If you really want to cut the relationship you can delete her from the facebook and stop responding to her emails, phone calls, and text messges. Those things will discourage her from contacting you.
@divineathena (1746)
• United States
3 May 10
I believe you feel discomfort in your mind when this ex contacts you. Don't you get some guilty feeling like what if my girlfriend feels bad about it? I have gone through this. Well, the one step to getting rid of this ex is to write to her in a message that you love your girlfriend a lot and since she herself was once in relationship with you, you feel uneasy to be communicating with her. Actually giving her a good explanation will help her understand your situation well. But make sure not to offend her at all. Stay friendly in your message. And end it with "I wish you would do great in your life". On reading this she will understand everything and will instantly stop communicating with you. However, if she turns into a psycho then simply block her and let her know that if she doesn't end it you will have to go to cops.
Good Luck!
@lay826 (56)
• Philippines
2 May 10
Try to cut all your "ties" with her. Starting from the minutest details up to the bigger part, including things that can make you remember her, songs of your life, photos, letters, gifts had given to each other (as much as possible, if you can, throw them all away), and a lot more. If there will be still connections and reminders between the two of you, you cannot get over her. Take care and good luck! :)
@melloncollie (661)
• Philippines
2 May 10
I really don't find a need for it. When it's done -- it's done. I also want to be considerate about the feelings of my present girl. Keeping contact with an ex would give the present one insecurities. But if ever we do accidentally see each other in a mall or somewhere else, I would be civil to greet the ex.