problems with grandparents
@dingdangdoodle (144)
Latvia
May 3, 2010 5:13pm CST
Hello!
Me and my family have been experiencing quite a bit of problems with grandparents. The comunication is getting a lot worse, as we see it, its just stupidity that comes at old age (can`t think of better words atm, have this one very good word in my language but it isn`t translatable). It hasn`t been always like this, its just like past year, or two that it have increased A LOT.
My grandfather is kinda ok i guess, he can barely see, so he is always angry, rants about the politicians and talks about the war (WW2 veteran) and how stalin/lenin killed his own people (thats another story, please don`t get into that). So i suppose thats kinda ok for such a man. But still you can`t really talk sense into him, no matter what. He is always "right".
My grandmother on the other hand, it feels like she doesn`t even understand the consequences on what she says or do. My mother isn`t very close with her brother (its my mothers grandparents btw) but its not like they are enemies, they just don`t get along very well. She always haves the illusions that they should be together all the time etc. Also he is more her favourite "child" (50+) and his children, so my grandmother is making us the bad ones just because we don`t call or visit her so often.
Also about thinking about the consequences - my mother had a birthday not long ago, they were invited to a dinner and everything was ok until... After an hour or so we found out that my grandmother is going to visit her son (my moms brother) - they had some sort of occasion as well (forgot atm what it was). Since it was dinner at home it usually takes like 3-5 hours for such occasion. My grandfather tried to tell something that it is too fast, but didn`t say really much. Me and others (except my mother ofc) tried to say, that they should stay a bit longer, we just finished eating, still time for desert, coffee, cake etc. but no luck. My grandmother was all like we have been here some time now, we can drink coffee later, its not like i haven`t drinked coffee in my life etc. So yeah, my mother was quite pissed. But it wasn`t like, she didn`t want to come here at all, it felt just she didn`t really understood what she was doing to my mother and to us.
Don`t get me wrong, she isn`t retarded and still remembers us and everything is ok in that area. Just some emotions are kinda gona or something. With all these stupid things, stupid questions etc it is damn annoying, REALLY annoying for all of us. Like 4 years ago she was the best grandmother ever, but in past 1-2 years...
How do you cope with such situation, or how would you cope with it?
4 people like this
10 responses
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
4 May 10
I can't seem to locate a very fitting movie/skit for this topic. But one thing is for sure, they're old and have lived their years. But remember that once they could do just about anything, and now they're limited to what they could do. It's tough to feel that way.
Just imagine the feeling you have when you are not allowed to do something now in your age. Isn't it frustrating? How much more for our grandparents who used to handle a lot of problems, make money, spend, decide and everything. Now they're limited to just living - virtually waiting to pass on.
Yes, there will be times when the stories are just repeating. The situation is just routine, but remember that they hold great stories if you really pay attention.
I have spent a great deal of time talking to my grandmother before she passed on. She was my greatest confidant and it was always fun (though sometimes routine) to talk to her.
Now that she has passed on. I'm glad I gave her that time of day to feel once again that her point-of-view was important.
I'm going to look for that movie again, and when I find it, I'm going to post it here. The main point of that movie/skit is, when we were younger our parents were very patient with us. We kept of repeating our unending questions, keep on fussing on things that were ordinary yet they never got angry, never thought we were stupid, never thought that we were just wasting their time. Now that they're old (in your case your grandparents) don't they deserve the same respect, love, patience and understanding that they have given to us?
Just think about it.
@dingdangdoodle (144)
• Latvia
4 May 10
Ofc you are right that they deserve all the things you mentioned, its just hard with the current communications we have between and the fact that my grandmother has "dulled" emotionally in some way...
I guess its always hard to deal with grandparents (parents) at old age. I woudn`t be suprised if my descendants in future would want to burry me ASAP.
just remembered The Who - my generation: "I hope i die before i get old".
1 person likes this
@piya84 (2580)
• India
5 May 10
Hiii there
See i am having same experience here.My gradnmother was est grandmother in this world and then last few years as she crossed her 85 she started acting strange.She eat what she is not suppose to eat and then fell ill and when other people ask the reason she goes in to denial mode and cry and tell people she hasnt ate anything which made her ill.There are lots of tings like this.I just gave you example.
I think its normal and it happens to most of us as we cross 80 or 90 age old mark.
There is no solution apart from tolerating them.This is just how it is.
@dingdangdoodle (144)
• Latvia
5 May 10
yeah, i suppose there isn`t much you can actually do about it...
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
4 May 10
I am 76 almost 77, and a Grandfather of four. After reading your post, and I'm just shaking my head! How can you speak so disrespectfully of your own Grandparents? You are direct descendants of these 2 People, and you Judge them as if you were their equal! You should be awed when Grandfather (rants) talks of his wartime experiences! (I hope to God, you are never asked to risk your life for your country! You would immediately dirty your underpants!) Your Grandparents won't be with you for much longer, and some day you will look back and remember that You did not try to understand them, or even to respect them for the many good things they did for their country, and their Children. As you get older, (I hope you get wiser) you will begin to understand what its like to be old and wise, and I just hope your Grandchildren have some respect for you!
@dingdangdoodle (144)
• Latvia
4 May 10
You are misreading my post a little - like i said, my grandmother like 3 years ago was the best grandmother anyone could have. Its just sudden changes in the past year or so and its hard for us to live with it. Its not me (or my family) that is being disrespectful or hurting them, they are hurting us (me, my mother, father, brother, sister) and threating us like the black sheep of the family. But you can feel it that it isn`t intentional and i know that these things can happen at old age, so i`m just asking for an advice, you don`t have to start attacking...
p.s. if you are old, doesn`t necessarly mean you are wise...
@nixxi76 (3191)
• Canada
4 May 10
I don't have any grandparents anymore as they have all passed on and ever since then it's been a terrible fight for my mom's side of the family. Now what I'm dealing with is my mom and her favoring my neice more than my son. She would bend over backwards for my neice and just not bother with my son. It's not fair and I also hate my brother for it. I feel like he's being treated better than I am when it should be equal. Sometimes I just want to say good bye to both my brothers and my mom for it. I've already disowned one brother because he's a goof.
I'm not sure why your grandmother treats your mom like that but I know it's unfair that's forsure. Maybe you should start spending more time with her or call her more often whenever you can.. try that and see if she starts treating you any better.
Have a nice day
@dingdangdoodle (144)
• Latvia
5 May 10
Well, as i said - her brother and his family "cares" a bit more. They visit a bit more often and calls a bit more often and a few things now and than. But its not like we only see or talk to them on special occasions such as birthdays etc. Its hard to understand...
@teamrose (1492)
• United States
4 May 10
I refuse to sugar coat this and tell you sweet nothings. You are WRONG. Your grandparents are to be respected and treasured. These are your elders and right or wrong, you should be doing everything in your power to make their lives easier.
You seem so picky because you grandmother doesn't change her plans because of yours. What makes you so special. You should ask her before making plans.
When people age, their long-term memory gets crystal clear while they lose a lot of ther near term memory. Your gramps probably remembers the names of every single person in his squad during the war, but can't remember your name sometimes. That happens with age.
You should sit with your grandparents and really listen to the history they can share with you. Appreciate the gift of family and stop acting like a spoiled brat.
@dingdangdoodle (144)
• Latvia
4 May 10
quote:
You seem so picky because you grandmother doesn't change her plans because of yours. What makes you so special. You should ask her before making plans.
Ok, maybe i didn`t explain fully that example. Everyone knew that my mothers birthday was coming, everybody knew about the date and an approx time when we would celebrate the occasion. In our family we have "traditions" on how such occasions takes place so its preaty much the same all the time so nothing new that might suprise someone. Up until the very last minute, when we finished eating our first meal we suddenly are informed that they are going away.
How would you feel when you prepare a decent celebration (intended for at least 3-5 hours) with family or close friends if the guests knowing about this celebration long ago comes, quickly eats in 30mins and leaves without saying much and barely saying goodbye. Cool isn`t it?
No need to be offensive and attack... Even my mother`s brother agrees that sometimes these weird things and behavior happens and are inapropriate in some occasions. I had a problem and though i might post it on mylot since it is a community website (forum of some sort) with many different people and we might share some thoughts and experiences.
Please, go troll somewhere else...
@cmjune76 (273)
• United States
3 May 10
SOMETIMES there is a time when you get to the point that you have to just shake your head and be the bigger person here. Grandparents get old, crabby, senile, diseased... and have lived a long time. They probably have a wealth of wisdom through their crazy stories and comments if you take the time to listen. Love them while they are here.. you will miss them when they are gone, believe it or not.
@dingdangdoodle (144)
• Latvia
4 May 10
True words, i miss my second grandmother sometimes who passed away 10 years ago. Not that much anymore, but the first few years was kinda lonely...
@kenchiprincess (5296)
• Philippines
4 May 10
Well, I think that is really normal for people who are getting older especially on their 70's or 80's it is really hard to understand they. They do things that is far from who they were several years ago. At times they kept on blabbering and blabbering about things of the past but they can't even remember what just happened and if asked they tend to deny it.
My grandmother (mom's mother) is getting grumpy each and everyday. She doesn't sleep at night she just kept on ranting and ranting about things. It really takes patience to deal with her. I think most old people does this. I just pray that I don't get at this point when I grow older. LOL.
@reckon21 (3479)
• Philippines
4 May 10
To be honest you are very lucky because you still have your grandparents. You can still see them and speak to them. As for me they already passed away both my father and mother's side. I never have the chance to bond with them and I really wanted to. I understand your motehr's feelings she is really pissed.
Grandparents are not easy to understand their moods always changes maybe because it's part of growing old. I suggest that take time to really understand them and maybe they are not really difficult to get along with if you just take time to really get closed to them.
@ebuscat (5935)
• Philippines
4 May 10
For me it is so hard to handle if you have a grandparents who is very bad the emotion you always said that you are wrong.
