starting over

I was there, researchconsult. My hubby and I almost gave up on our marriage too. But we are giving it another try. But he did not fulfill his part of the agreement until some things happened. We are still together because he began to realise certain things. He began to really understand the hurt and frustration I went through. It's great to hear that both of you are trying. My situation is not even that clear, but I'm still here. One of the reason being that I would want to be able to say that I have tried my best in this marriage, I have put in all efforts to keep it together. You have to be able to answer to your children (if you have any) that you have really tried and did not just give up at the first sign of weakness on a partner's part (whether yours or your partner's). I have come to the point whereby I tell myself - if he is meant for me, he will be. If he is not meant for me, then he won't and it's time to move on. You will know that you have tried and not regret any decisions you would have made. Many people give up at the first problem. Every couple will have their own problems. It's a matter of how patient you are to deal with it. All the best!

Don't b1tch about the past even if he does don't retaliate. It is not about scoring points. Don't talk endlessly about thing, this may be harder for you than him, women talk to much and perhaps men too little but in this better to have short purposeful discussion in peace, if you get heated stop the conversation. If you can't settle a matter let it drop. Practice self examination, work at correcting your own faults not his. all the best urban

communication it is a key ingredint in a marrige, also letting go an not going back or bringing up things done in the past thiers a reason they are in the past. my husband n i have been seperated for 1 year now, and i often look back and say i couldve handle that better or i couldve just done things different. every one is different you have to look and see what it is that can be different or better and try to solve it as one. because marriage is united(one). congrats and good luck

I think that if you love a person then you are willing to try to keep with that partner no matter what you have to do.I also nearly ended our marriage i even got to the solicetors and was going to end the marriage as all we were doing was arguing about all the things thaqt had happened to us as a couple in the past.

communication is the best thing to do so that it would not happen again. just talk if the two of you had a problem to each other. dont let the day end that the problem is not resolved. one thing more is that the intimacy between you and your husband should be there always.

It is actually a good thing that both of you are one in that decision. Not just one person or else it's already a failure before it can even begin. The key is suppose is communication. As long as you are able to openly tell each other what you feel, what you like, and what your needs are then I guess it would go on smoothly. My wife and I used to fight a lot because we stopped reading each other's signals. I focused on what my needs are and she did the same for her. We forgot that we cannot go on life that way since we are a couple... a dynamic partners in crime. We don't have special abilities to read each other's thoughts so we started by removing our inhibitions and begin to comfortably tell each other what we need or what we feel. We agreed not to take whatever one says negatively, instead take each word lovingly. So whenever I tell her, "You're always busy. I just wanna make love with you." She doesn't answer me back with a defending statement anymore like, "You know how stressful my job is! Don't I get a right to get tired?!" Those are hurtful for me. Now she embraces me and tell me, "I'm sorry baby. I'll make it up to you." And that instantly make me feel good. As long as she acknowledges what I need, it's all good. Sometimes it doesn't matter anymore if she keeps her promises, as long as she acknowledges the fact that I miss having her in my arms. That's all. I hope you work things out with your hubby. Our prayers will be with you.

How can you ensure that you wont end up the same as before...well truth be told YOU CAN'T!! BUT that doesnt mean you shouldnt try. The key is IMO to COMMUNICATE...TALK about the issues and let no issue be off limits..WORK TOGETHER to try and fix what was wrong..Both of you need to be able to and willing to compromise..LISTEN to one another with openminds...

First is to realize what happened in the past and don't repeat the same trends. Address the issues that separated you before, don't ignore them and say "the past is past" It isn't past until it is addressed. Until then, it is still the present Be sure you are both truly working on it together. My first husband and I did the same thing though above are 3 mistakes we made. We didn't address issues, we swept them under the rug then tried to leave the rug behind. We didn't both work on our relationship together. I tried for years to work on it. He did not start to work on it until I had given up on it and at that time it was too late because I was no longer willing to put in that effort. We kept the past present. He accused me of some very horrid things while trying to still hide his own horrid side, I pulled it out to try to stop him from causing such pain to me. All it accomplished was us both being hurt equally. The relationship did end. We are both now happy in new relationships and I do not regret my past with him, it did help build who I am today. BUT I learned that it was a caustic relationship and the only way for either of us to truly be happy and complete was to sever ties.

Well, first off, its a good sign that you guys decided to gave it a shot again. It just means that you still have hope for each other. So start from that. Then for everything that happened in the past...just have it as an experience, and learn from it.