Verbal Abuse

well. you said you weigh 130 or 50 pounds something like that so OBVIOUSLY you are not fat. he most likley knows this. it sounds to me hes just playing around. and no offense it would appear you are being a little insecure and over sensitive. if you are happy most of the time then dont let your over sensitivity ruin a good relationship call him a b@stard and laugh and joke back. I joke with my girl and she does the same, and all is well. because I can gurantee you theres no relationship where either person is happy at all times 100% of the time. so just relax and keep what you have =]

It sounds like he's very non considerate individual about your feelings. I think it's bothering you because he's not giving you some closure about why he said it. I know you want to be reassured about feeling good about yourself. I think he is being careless about your feelings and should really think about what he's saying before he says it. I would stop mentioning these two incidents from now on but if it continues with something else you should tell him how you are feeling. Take care

well i believe he is just kidding you.. it depends upon on how he manage to say this.. i usually tease my girlfriend with these the same words but i see to it that she wont get hurt. i do it in a sweeter way.. the way with full of heart... as a matter of fact,i really love my girl.... and we end up teasing each other and we are so happy.. dont be so sensitive jen. instead tease him also, but in a sweeter way... ahahah tell me if it wont work...

Maybe he was just kidding, he was confident to say it to you because you are more than friends and it seems to him that it would be oakey to you...He didn\t meant to hurt you. You are hurt because it was true you were fat...He was giving a signal as another way of saying you need to loss weight. As a positive reaction maybe you can do something about it. Show him that you can be as skinny as he want... Feel sexy. Don't be insecured. Don't show him you were hurt. Sometimes there are questions that don't need an answer. There are truths that better left unsaid.

It doesn't sound like he is being verbally abusive simply by those two statements, but if it feels that way to you than I think you should move on. He sounds like he just doesn't think before he speaks not malicious. Plus we are more sensitive to the things we are slighlty insecure about. I don't see it as a big deal but then again something that may hurt my feelings could be nothing to you. Don't stay with him though if he makes you feel bad.

ur bf should never say those kinda things about you im sure you could find someone who would love every part of you love is about liking the pros and cons of someone

guys are all nuts!!! it could be that he is just trying to be funny...so I would let it go for now..it doesn't sound like he is being abusive to you directly. Believe me you would know if you was verbally abusive...there is a big difference!!!

jennawinseverytime, Sometimes people just do not know how or when to tell a joke and your boyfriend seems to be all sorts in this area. I am sure you do not preempt anyone before you intend to tell a joke and as such some people in your audience may not see and laugh at it with you. I do not want to speculate but you seem to be quite uptight with your physique and lack that self confidence to overcome some assumed inferior complex within, which you need to resolve. Love is a constant - it isn't a variable. It doesn't matter what your external circumstance is or physique is like, but if this basic condition of Love still lies undisturbed, indeed, this relationship has transcended the need for a marked boundary to function as a 'relationship. What kind of Love does one command, or wished to command, if you are so easily influenced by your environment? Because a relationship is but two entirely separately individuals, with vastly different psychological mindset, personality and home environment, coming together - via freewill - in this imaginary bonds we call 'Relationship'. The truth is that we are not bounded into any relationship like what you could do to two items by tying them up with a nylon thread. But we stay 'bounded' because in our hearts, we appeared to have melded into one. Therefore, in that sense, if we could detach this heart away from another just because the circumstance seemed 'fertile' for it, perhaps this love isn't functioning the way it ought to be. Love never stays stagnant; it either provides growth or degenerates. Therefore if you cannot seem to achieve growth, chances are, it could be declining subtly without your acknowledgment. And I can tell you that it's not just negligence that is causing this. So, I would encourage you to stop asking the same question repeatedly but start having real communication between the both of you. There are more things to look forward to and talk about than whatever happened at the Pearl Harbor movie, which by the way is already history and a memorial landmark. Take care and it is really time to move on - forward, that is.

Well, for me sometimes a joke can be true. He told you that his just kidding so you wont get hurt. But i think you know yourself better. If you feel that those words is hurting you and that he continuously doing it, i suggest to tell him about it. If he still do it then i think that's abuse already.

If i were you i would not be licking his behind either. Oral is equivelent to licking a toilet bowl in my opinion. If he doesnt return the favor he should not ask for it either. Yes, he sounds like a real jerk. You should look for somebody who will treat you right. You already know he is not.

It depends how often be makes remarks like that and how they are said. I used to be with an emotionally abusive man and he used to dish out put downs on a regular basis and they weren’t said jokingly! If he really does say things to tease you and it hurts your feelings you should talk to him about it and I’m sure that if it is all in jest he will apologise and stop doing it. If the comments keep coming even after he has been told how you feel I would reconsider the relationship because a life of abuse is very damaging.

Ouch did you ask him why then he made this statement towards you? and tell him that you obviously didn't find it funny...that you felt he was incinuating something? I would be hurt also. I really don't think anyone would make innocent statements like that...how could they even be innocent. I would pay attention and if it continues-consider finding someone else. My younger sis spent 6 years with a guy that verbally (and physically) abused her-she's not the same person today.

Personally, I believe that if a guy is sensitive to the feelings of his partner he is cautious of anything that comes out of his mouth. WHy dont you tell him directly that you are hurt, dont let a day pass without settling this kind of issue. He'll be careful next time.

That is terrible. Am just sad about. He should not treat you like this. Am a guy too but I never hurt my one love that way. He should be a gentleman. Maybe he needs to tend a psychiatrist for sake.

I find it quite distressing that many of the responders here feel your bf was joking. I think he was being an insensitive b@st@rd and nasty. He meant to hurt your feelings. Why should he make any comment at all about fat or skinny girls? He knew it would hurt you, that's why. As for the other comment he is obviously one of those fellows who think giving oral to a girl is dirty. He doesn't like doing it or he would never say something like that. Saying nasty things to the one you are supposed to love is not a joke. A joke is when he teases lovingly while holding you close. You know when he is joking and when he is being nasty. If my bf spoke to me this way I would be devastated and crushed. If you continue with this fellow, you will become very low and lose your self esteem and your confidence.

I think he's abusive. i dont think he treats you right. He's comparing going down on you as something degrading or something he doesnt like, so it doesnt sound right. I've never heard that before, even though a past bf was abusive in other ways. I mean, its this back-handed kind of abuse that keeps victims in relationship. I mean since you posted this and wondering what he means, obviously this stuff upsets you and he should stop. I think we have a right to be happy. If we can find the strength to move away from abusive people, maybe it gives us the strength to recognise what's right and what's wrong for ourselves, and to give us the confidence to set clear boundaries.

Hard to say. The way you are reacting is natural to not being married, since you know he can leave you at any time, and he really hasn't made any promises to you. This is why you should get married before you get involved with someone. So what does it mean for you now? Well that's hard to say. He might really mean exactly what he says. And perhaps that's his way of saying if you get fat, I'll find someone else. It's also possible he is just naive. Some guys think that's funny, and simply are not mature enough to understand it really hurts your feelings. Normally I would advise someone to go to the person, and tell them directly "Please do not say those things to me. It really hurts me, and I love you". If you are married, try that. However, if you are not married, that typically doesn't work. See, a guy who isn't married, typically isn't because he *wants* to be able to find someone new. So he's not going to act like a husband, and care about your feelings, because he isn't a husband. Now if you are just dating him right now, not living together or anything, my advice would be to move on, and quickly. Why? Because this is the type of guy he is. If his 'humor' assuming it's humor, is bothering you now, it will really really bother you later. Move on and find someone else.

Yes those are verbal abuse. You should start planning to leave him. A good man will not do something like that to a girl he loves. Even if he doesn't abuse you physically he had not proven his competence with protecting you emotionally. He should have forgotten himself instead and do anything for you. He's probably not fond of Bryan Adams music.

jennawinseverytime, I am not trying to take your B/F's part but may be he said that in a jest. You also could have given him a witty reply that would pinch him equally where it hurts. You both could have been even then. May be he knows this kind of remarks disturbs you and he loves to watch you react. If you don't then the purpose with which he utters such things will not serve any purpose. Take away this only enjoyment from him and you too will see him writhing in pain. Take all this sportingly.

One of the very nice things about polyamory is that you are more prone to accepting the relationship with someone that is NOT perfect. And then who IS perfect. If the balance shows that you enjoy being with him more than not then STAY. You DON'T have to make your relationship with him hinder you're having ANOTHER relationship. Enjoy as many as you like and accept your partners for what they can contribute instead of worrying over what the can't give you (positively).