Married But Pregnant With Another Man's Baby
By candyfairy21
@candyfairy21 (2039)
Philippines
May 12, 2010 9:21pm CST
For a few weeks now my next door neighbor's house was always noisy. Noisy because the couple are fighting so loud and I do hear the sound of plates being thrown and other things inside the house breaking. A few weeks ago the husband found out that the wife was pregnant but it's not his. He found out firsthand that his wife has a boyfriend. He tailed her once after being suspicious of his wife and caught her redhanded.
Now they have been fighting everyday. There is no peace around the house. They have 2 children all are afraid of what's going on inside their house. I pity those kids they should not being seeing such kind of violence inside their home. The husband is a good man and the wife is known as a player. Guess even good guys do have a patience meter. I heard the guy said to the wife to abort the baby or else she will never see her 2 other kids again. But the wife keeps on protesting that she will keep the baby and so the whole commotion.
How about you guys what would you do in such situation? will you ask that the child be aborted or raise him as your own? Will you ever risk breaking your family apart for another woman or man? What do you think is best to do in this kind of situation?
7 people like this
30 responses
@redhotpogo (4401)
• United States
13 May 10
Once a cheat always a cheat. He should leave her, and her new kid, and let her raise it on her own. Maybe the guy she cheated with will help her out, though I seriously doubt it. I wouldn't even bother to fight, and argue. Just pack up your stuff, and go, or kick her out.
1 person likes this
@redhotpogo (4401)
• United States
14 May 10
You said the husband found out the wife was pregnant, but its not his.
I wouldn't jump to conclusions if my wife got pregnant. I would be happy. And if I ever had any reason to be suspicious of it, then I would go have it tested, before doing anything.
@redhotpogo (4401)
• United States
14 May 10
ah nevermind it wasn't you that said it. I thought for a second you were the writer of this topic. The topic maker said that.
@consultrainer (4991)
• India
13 May 10
to abort for any other reason, other than medical conditions.. is not recommended. Atleast, i will not be a party to endorse abortion. Who so ever be the father. It is the mother's pain and drudgery for carrying on with the pregnancy. It is her health, and after all, now that it is known about the fathership, it is her REPUTATION too.
ever imagine, after the child is born, .. it is going to be a walking proof of the wife's fidelity and 
what not!
Agreed on the point that the husband has every point to be mad and angry.
But, also agreed that I WOULD also react in a similarly destructive and anguish associated way, when I am the party involved.
However, I would recommend a peaceful family counselor settlement. Not a divorce proceeding though.
I have to consider, that the lady in question -- does not go out of marriage bond, just for the sake of getting pregnant.
Most of the men, who appear docile and polite to the outside world, ARE CRAZY BA5TARDS and DIRTY MEAN DEVILS inside the locked doors.
So, the lady require some more listening and sympathy.
HELP them over a cup of coffee, if you can spare a listening ear. and get yourself some aspirin, just in case.
what not!
Agreed on the point that the husband has every point to be mad and angry.
But, also agreed that I WOULD also react in a similarly destructive and anguish associated way, when I am the party involved.
However, I would recommend a peaceful family counselor settlement. Not a divorce proceeding though.
I have to consider, that the lady in question -- does not go out of marriage bond, just for the sake of getting pregnant.
Most of the men, who appear docile and polite to the outside world, ARE CRAZY BA5TARDS and DIRTY MEAN DEVILS inside the locked doors.
So, the lady require some more listening and sympathy.
HELP them over a cup of coffee, if you can spare a listening ear. and get yourself some aspirin, just in case.@candyfairy21 (2039)
• Philippines
13 May 10
If they decide to talk I am all ears! But if they do not ask me I would not try and meddle with it because it is very personal. They should be left to their own affairs until they ask for help or advice. Yup some good natured men are crazy inside locked doors but I have known this guy like 20 years and I have not seen him behave this way. We live beside each other so I could see them from my window he had never raised his voice to her on their kids and he is soft spoke but this thing sure brought out the Mr. Hyde in him.
1 person likes this
@consultrainer (4991)
• India
13 May 10
I am sad that this neighbor affair is giving you a pain in heart, and annoyance.
But, may be, because the male is so silent, and unprovocative, .. just MAY BE, .. the lady wanted to have some fun?
what ever, cheating cannot be tolerated. hope they seek good counseling soon.
[b]The trauma on the entire family, the kids, and the unborn ..
and, of course, the yours friendly neighborhood.. [/b]
why this happens? Why don't they just sit and sort out?
@maximax8 (31046)
• United Kingdom
14 May 10
I don't agree with cheating in a relationship but sometimes people do make such mistakes. It is not the babies fault. He or she is innocent and should be able to be born. By the time the baby is born I wish that they are a loving and caring family. The man is wrong for asking the lady to have an abortion. The man should either let the baby be born and be a father to that child or split up with the lady. If a wife or husband has been unfaithful divorce or splitting up can be an option. It is not right to fight during pregnancy. The wife should be faithful in the future and her playing away days should be over. Good luck to the innocent little baby.
@candyfairy21 (2039)
• Philippines
15 May 10
I agree with you maxi. either he accepts the baby or split up. But I guess it's the pain and the pride talking with regards to the man. His male ego is hurt and so is his emotions. Sometimes I think players should never get married. I mean if they cannot change better stay single and play around all you want than ruin other people's lives who are going to be a part of that family.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
13 May 10
Hi Candyfairy,
I'm a woman so I am trying to put myself on that side of the coin first. I have never been a cheater so it's hard for me to imagine myself in that position. I think I would have to end the marriage. I would not expect my husband to raise another man's baby and I would not have an abortion. If I were the guy, I'd just leave. What's the point in demanding her to have an abortion? It isn't going to change the fact that she cheated. It sounds as if this marriage is over or should be. All that and are they 100% sure that it is not the husband's child?
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
13 May 10
Hi Candy,
Actually, yes I do believe in 2nd chances and counceling. Cheating is a tough one. If BOTH of them are willing to put the effort into it then I have seen where couples can overcome things like this. It almost never is just about the cheating. There is usually some other issues that led up to them falling apart before the cheating even began...not always but a lot. And in saying that, I'm not saying that the other person is to blame at all. I'm just saying that as a couple, there were probably other issues....things that they should have talked about together.
@candyfairy21 (2039)
• Philippines
13 May 10
Hi said dontcha believe in second chances and counseling? I know it's kind of hard but I am still hopeful they would patch their relationship and save their family. It maybe awkward at first but when their is real forgiveness everything becomes easy at least not the easy easy but things are lighter .
@zubirik (111)
• Philippines
13 May 10
Well I guess for me despite that the child is not his, the child still have the right to live. Abortion is not the solution as well as divorced. He needs to accept the fact that the child is already there. It's not the child's fault.
Further, In this situation, the couple needs a marriage counseling. A counselor can give them better perspective on what to do about there relationship. We need to seek the experts idea. This will help them. For me, I will raise the kid as my own child and save my relationship with my wife. Be happy and live a merry marriage life.
@candyfairy21 (2039)
• Philippines
13 May 10
I salute you for thinking about forgiveness and starting all over again as well as for raising the kids as yours and saving your family. I know it's not going to be easy but at least give love another try and work it out. Sometimes the stones on our path that causes us to stumble would make us stronger and a better person.
@achilles2010 (3051)
• India
16 May 10
What would happen if the wife does not stop after one illegitimate child? Counseling does not help such people. She might consider this sort of magnanimity on husband's part as his weakness and carry on her escapades unabated. In such a situation the husband would find himself saddled with so many children not his; but of some other person. Besides, he might forgive his wife, but he would never be able to forgive himself for forgiving her. He would be doomed to spend rest of his life feeling bitter. I still feel that leave the woman with her new found love and her illegitimate children and go with the children he things belongs to him.
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
14 May 10
Well I might not think of aborting the child but I think it is just but appropriate that they separate already. I think catching his wife red handed is a grave offense that he could file for annulment or divorce already. It is a grave abuse of trust on their marriage. I think the husband has every right to claim for custody for his kids since he is the aggrieved party in here.
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
15 May 10
I am the wife and so would be the one to get pregnant. I would never ever cheat on my husband and would sooner hurt myself then to hurt him. The advice I would give to the family is to take the woman to court, and make her infidelty known. She has put the whole family in a jeopary like bind.
@nonersays (3335)
• United States
13 May 10
Asking her to abort the baby is rather unfair.
I am pro-choice. If SHE wanted to abort the baby I would support her, but no woman should be forced into an abortion she doesn't want for any reason. Plus, does that poor baby deserve to die just because of one man's anger and jealousy?
Now, if he would ask her to put the other mans baby up for adoption, that would be a little more reasonable.
However, what I think would be BEST in the situation if he simply cannot forgive her cheating and can never love the baby is for him to divorce her, try to get custody of his children if he wants them, and leave her with her new baby that he doesn't want. That way he'll never end up "punishing" the poor child for not being his.
@candyfairy21 (2039)
• Philippines
13 May 10
Yup I think it is better to give the child for adoption rather than have it aborted. I believe that the child is innocent and deserves the right to live no matter if he is a product of infidelity. It is not his fault at all.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
16 May 10
Oh, there is not a snowball's chance in He!! that I would risk losing my marriage for another man. I'm perfectly happy with the wonderful spouse that I have. That said, if there was ever a case of cheating in our marriage that would end up with another person's child mixed into the relationship, then I would raise the child as my own and I actually think that my husband would do the same if it was a one time thing. I don't think that either of us would deal with it if the other was a serial cheater, that would be the end of our relationship.
@homeshoppers (6166)
• Philippines
13 May 10
if the baby is not really from the husband and if the husband dont want to accept the baby then the last option for the wife is to get out from the house than suffer a lot from her husband, besides its her fault. the husband cant take all those kids as they are still young and according to the law the kids must be on the custody of the mother until they reached their legal age and decide which they will want to stay with, she cant keep it inside the house with the husband as its very obvious already, if shes thinking of the kids then better to talk about him than to fight always and let the kids suffer.
@candyfairy21 (2039)
• Philippines
13 May 10
I guess they should stay away from each other for the mean time so they both can cool off and when they are ready to talk they should set a date and no kids should be around. Letting the kids witness what's going on between them makes them tears them apart and they might not manifest it physically but it will have it's toll later on through a psychosomatic disease.
@Cutie18f (9546)
• Philippines
13 May 10
Woow...this is steamy. It happens all the time. It's just that most husbands do not know that they are siring someone else's seed. It's a good thing here that the husband is such a good person. Otherwise, in our country, the wife would have been killed by the husband most especially that she'd been caught in the act. If I were the husband, I'd file for divorce since I can see that the woman does not deserve his love and trust.
@alexies29 (124)
• Philippines
13 May 10
I won't say that abortion is an option, but it may be given the least of their consideration. I don't think that their relationship will go back to normal if they decide for abortion. The woman made a big mistake and need to suffer its consequences. She have to find out if her husband would learn to accept her pregnancy and treat he child as his own. If he can't or if he wouldn't then they have to decide on what to do with their relationship. Taking the life of the person inside her would add to her sins, and wouldn't do any good to their relationship either.
@candyfairy21 (2039)
• Philippines
13 May 10
True an abortion would never guarantee them that everything will be back to normal. Plus they would be committing another mistake by killing an innocent child. I hope he learns to forgive her and accept the baby as his own.
@Civic_Racer (33)
• Philippines
13 May 10
this is kinda hard.. legal matters will be sure to do if this happens. poor guy
hey don't take sides ... 
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
13 May 10
First off Candy your neighbor is a disrespectful woman. Why get married to cheat? Im sure there are two sides to every story but she clearly went to far by not using protection. Not only did she dishonor her husband but she didnt even really care about keeping it a secret. She basically didnt care about anyone except her own pleasures. Her poor children. I dont care what anyone says those kids are the victims here. I dont think that unborn child should be aborted. Again, children are the real victims! Even unborn ones. If he cant love that child, then divorce and raise your children with the love, honesty, and respect they deserve. I must say that no matter what was going on in the relationship, she chose to marry so she shouldnt have taken a lover outside of her marriage. Bottomline. dl
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
13 May 10
i think the authorities should get involved as these children dont need to go through this. i dont think either parent is very responsible. even the man should not want to put his children through this. he should either except how things are or be rid of her and take the kids away from her. 
either way hes not doing right by his kids now nor is she. someones going to get hurt very badly if they keep stretching this out with their tempers. i think they are both crappy parents in this.
@pierone (1894)
• Italy
13 May 10
Ohh, never. I never could ask her to abort. As well as I could never say to her she will never see her 2 other kids again.
And, obviously, I would never rise that kid, neither feed that woman anymore.
So what I quite surely do, if I'm in that guy shoes, is say nothing. Continue to have my common life. In the while search some paradise like Cote D'Ivor, Costarica, Thailand. Once found I would say to my "lovely" wife that I need to have a job trip.
Then, the last contact she could have with me should be the postcard from the paradise where I say her something like "you're fired! ask the father to feed up all of you now!"
@mercedlegurpa (955)
• Philippines
13 May 10
This is a very complicated family situation. But the husband's decision to abort the baby is not acceptable. The baby has the right to be born. The mother even sacrifice her reputation even her relation with her husband just to keep the baby. I know it's the woman's fault but aborting the baby is not a solution of their shaky relation. There are too many factors why the woman is seeing another man despite her being married. This crime is what we called adultery; if I were the husband if he really can't forgive his wife, why not take the matter to the court. And he could use the baby as evidence.
@ericpapasit (1274)
• Philippines
13 May 10
I can relate Mary and Joseph to that.... but the sad thing is Mary is still a virgin and the girl in your story is not.... poor guy! But if he loves her then it doesn't matter at all.
@macyx11 (29)
• United States
13 May 10
This is a very sad sitation. I do not think that I would ever want to abandon the baby, but I do not think I would stay with a person who cheated on me. Kids every day are dealing with divorce; I do not think it is as big of deal anymore. I would keep the relationship mutual so that the kids would not have deal with parents (or divorced parents) arguing. This is not healthy for them whatsoever. So basically, I think the best thing would be to split, especially if the other person is known as a "player" and would most likely cheat again.
