Can a “spoilt” adult change?“Spare the rod and spoil the child” is an old maxim

To be honest a person does not change that easily after he becomes old. It needs a lot of honing and training to make a man. Childhood is the right phase to instill any character or behavior in a man. May be a man may wish to change his negative traits by closely watching the other people who are respected in the society for their suave manners. But they hardly succeed as they are very much conditioned to be themselves by all those years of growing. Some men seem to change and become very good at the later years in their lives.It is the selfishness arising from the fear of neglected and vindicated by their kin for their misdemeanors when they were strong and young. It is not a change. It is but a stealthy act in desperation.

they can, but they have to WANT to change and they have to be well motivated to change

I don't think such adults can change. It would be a matter of habit for them and it would be difficult to change that after the age of 50+. I personally know a few people like that in my family and understand their thought process...and it's hard to change.

kalav56, I do not suppose you are advocating the old maxim on a spoilt adult or you intend to. A spoilt adult is already what he/she is and can never be coerced or physically punished to change. Yet, they can still be changed when they are convinced to and motivated enough to evolve within themselves to do so. Other than that, brute and physical force will never accomplish anything.

Hi kala, I am 50+, and I need to be logically convinced to change my ways. :) I dont know if I am spoilt or not. But people do believe I am spoilt because I dont bend backwards to fulfil their wishes foregoing mine. I think irresponsible people need to be taxed more. What do you think? :) For example there is in the family who is not earning, then the entire family pays double taxes! Automatically even the mother, brother, father, wife, son, daughter, everybody would be after the drunkard to reform!

Being spoiled is destructive because the individual relies on others and this is too hard to leave as an habit ; they can not change it is a very extreme case of parental education but parents think they are too be blamed and never live decently with their offspring it is a posture...

Hi Kala! I think old habits die hard. When a person has reached at the ripe age of 50+, it is difficult for him/her to change and if others expect from him/her that s/he will change that is also not fair. It is our upbringing which decide our personality and attitude and the ideologies we get from our parents.

As a therapist I have worked for the last 30 years or so with helping to improve human potential in others. I would say that a person will only change if they really want to change. People have come to me who have asked me to help them deal with life in a different and better way. There have been occasions where it has emerged that the person who is consulting with me is not very popular with others because he/she is acting in a selfish or spoilt manner and this is causing other people to avoid him/her. This often results as a feeling of rejection. After assessing the personality of the client together with them, they get to see for themselves how they are they are acting in a spoiled or negative way with others. I can then ask them if they are willing to change the way they communicate because if they don't thinks will only get worse. They will change but only if the are willing to do so. Often this change takes some time as old habits tend to die hard. _Derek

I think that anyone 50+ has the right to be a little spoiled. No it is unlikely they will change, but what is likely is that some who were NOT spoiled will change after they are past "midlife" and maybe that is not a bad thing. There is such a thing as being TOO nice, and when we reach a certain age we have the right to be a bit more assertive I think.

hi Kalav56 I have met very few spoilt people here but thats besides the point. I was never spoiled as a child and have never been spoilt in my life. My parents taught me better than that and without beating, thrashing or hard spanking either. They did discipline and taught me to first appreciate what I already have.But I grew up as a child in the depression years and was taught this,use it up,wear it out, make it do, or do without.And this maxim has helped me to keep my head about what I need versus just what I want. I learned to budget, to pay bills first before using my pay check and keep a little back at all times. this has stood me well. I was raised to be polite and courteous to people and that's served me well. I worked for years as a nurses aide and spoiled people do not do work like that.

Honestly kala I have never agreed with the Spare the rod and spoil the child maxim.It sounds wrong to me.By using a rod we are sending out wrong message to the children, that is my feeling.My mother was strict to a certain extent, but on growing u and until now we are more like friends.I can share anything with her.It is the same with my children.I have never ever used a stick and spoilt them silly.But today we share a great rapport and I could'nt ask for anything better.A person at any age should know his/her limitations and act accordingly , what do you say kala?

Hi Kala !!Sometimes people behave in a very rude and arrogant manner after they are 50.This maybe because of some deep sense of insecurity.They will change if they are made to realize by their family and friends that they are there for him/her.They might be externally very rude or demanding but inside they might be very insecure and need reassurance.That is because we have not learned to love our self.

When such persons are forced in a situation where there is no one to pamper them they will have no alternative but to behave themselves. It is left to those around to create such an atmosphere.

Hi friend 50+ is certainly a matured age, so if such a person is spoilt, it will be really difficult to change, unless he/she wants to change; in my opinion how one was brought up has a role to play, we call it 'sanskar'; this we inherit probably.. Thanks for sharing. God bless you. Cheers. Prof

Hi Kala, Now, what exactly does a spoilt adult mean? Does it mean a very demanding person, an easily irritable person, a person who defies logic and demands constant attention? A drama queen? A pathological liar? A narcissist? A sly person ever eager to take advantage of the gullible? A social snob? A lecherous guy? Actually we see spoilt children all around us and for them its understandable coz they are not matured enough and also coz we can give then one tight slap. However, we definitely cant do the same to adults and we expect adults to be matured in bahaviour and beyond that, whatever an adult does …becomes a characteristic trait. For example, if a child lies or demands constant attention, then that child is spoilt and parents are expected to take that up, but if an adult is very demanding then we just say that the person is like that and try to avoid that person. Again, if a person lies and cheats, we say that the person is a trickster. Actually, I’ve never applied the term ‘spoilt’ to an adult, so kind of confused…I feel that by the above yardstick, most adults are spoilt somehow or the other…I’m still pondering over this…lets see what the others have to say. BTW your mom and my mom believed in ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’…but today’s psychologists have a completely opposite take on this! Forget adults, you cant even slap your own child these days And NO, a spoilt adult can never change simply coz by the time a person becomes an adult, the character build-up is almost complete and there's little chance that it can ever be moulded...the 'spoilt' traits have already become the character of that individual.

I feel it would be impossible for a person of fifty + to change their nature.I am one who is always in time not even on time .I try to to change into doing things late but I never succeed .Regarding the plans I do it in a very meticulous manner .I like to do things like so many who just do it without any plan but my efforts are of no avail.When my daughter's wedding was fixed my friend commented "By now she would have finished the wedding in her mind at least three times".She meant that I keep planning and executing in a systematic manner.So I feel that aperson can never change himself unless he has extraordinary will power.

I think the sad fact about spoilt and immature adults is that a lot of them don’t realise or like to admit that they are the way they are! I know someone like this. He still lives the lifestyle his friends have long grown out of and he has an unrealistic sense of entitlement which is both spoilt and childish and I’m afraid he just doesn’t ‘get it’ and probably never will! He would have to have a ‘light bulb’ moment to entice him to get help in order to change and it would have to come from him.

When such persons are forced in a situation where there is no one to pamper them they will have no alternative but to behave themselves. It is left to those around to create such an atmosphere.

I have worked in a Nursing Home before and I can say that it is harder for a 50 years old adult to change than a spoiled child. An adult that age usually doesn't care anymore to what others might think. They just want to get what they want and doesn't listen anymore to others. But not all of them are, some can be cajoled to do what you want them to do thru sweet talks :)