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TOP 9 FUNNIEST NEWSPAPER CLASSIFIEDS. 1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. (man….if only I knew A B C….) 2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you’ll never go anywhere again. (sure…thanx for the warning!) 3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. (in months or years?) 4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first. (check it out) 5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. (howwww sweeeet) 6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. (wow! A free trip to heaven?) 7. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it. (uh…huh!) 8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. (hey….who taught cows the bad habit??) 9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. (nice work!)