sentiments

Tweet

I’ve been meaning to write about this several years ago. But I don’t know why; everytime I start to scribble my thoughts, something happens which, almost always hinder me from pouring it all out. Well, now I won’t be so astonished if the lights suddenly went out or something; that I have to attempt to do this again some other time. Either the connection becomes a problem or I suddenly have to attend to other sort of matters. You see, I’m the eldest of 4 siblings. Next to me is my younger brother. Our age gap is approximately 10 months. We do have 2 younger sisters. Anyway, ever since I was about 5 years old; I had always asked myself why my parents had to leave me with a relative, one way or the other, especially during summer vacations here in our place. As I was growing up, I realized that I have to share my parents’ time with my other 3 siblings. I guess I’m just being selfish. I feel that I have been deprived of my parents’ love for such a very long time now. When I started schooling at age 5, my parents chose to send me to a school far away from my hometown; so I had no choice but to stay with my aunt (mom’s sibling) and her own family in the city. From that time until I graduated from college, I stayed with them; only occasionally going home during the holidays and school breaks. I tried bargaining with my mom several times just so that I could transfer school to my hometown and be with them. Of course, I missed them so I really wanted to be with them. And now that I do have my own family, I convinced my husband that we (me and our daughter) stay with my elderly parents while he works away from us. Thankfully, he agreed. But what I’m asking myself now is that, why do I still feel that I’m not wanted here? I could easily brush this thought off but even my husband have observed the “cold” treatment we get from my parents. Worst of all, I feel sorry for my daughter because she seems to be experiencing the same treatment from them specially when I go to work. It would have been much easier if I was an adopted child. I don’t expect anything from this post. I’m just relieved that I was able to blurt it out finally. Thanks for reading anyway.