Is it possible to be in love with two completely different people?
By tracie1758
@tracie1758 (507)
United States
May 20, 2010 2:00pm CST
I have not used mylot in quite some time...but I am in a serious relationship mess that I cannot talk to anyone close to me about. So I'm sending some questions out into the void.
Is it possible to be madly in love with two different people at the same time? I have always been so against cheating my entire life. I have looked down on those who did and called them a disgrace. And now I am one of them. A co worker of mine kissed me out of the blue one day, then spilled the beans about all of the feelings he had been bottling up for me. I immediately told him no, that I was engaged and was planning on marrying my fiance. Still, this made me look at him in a different light. A relationship eventually evolved. I am not proud of this. He makes me so happy though. It went on behind my fiances back for about 3 months. We had plans to move in together. He was even ready to take on my daughter full time. Then everything hit the fan and we were found out. My fiance being the wonderful man that he is did not kick me out. He just made me quit my job and never talk to my co worker again.
This worked for all of 3 weeks. We started seeing each other just as friends again. Now it has started to evolve into more once again. He is talking about needing 3 weeks to get us an apartment and then start our lives together. My head is just spinning. I am so lost. I feel like a ball of nerves 24/7. I love both of these men. One is the father of my daughter and has been there for me. The other is new...but not a fling. He is willing to risk everything for me.
Part of me wonders if I should just move back home and forget both of them..which is harder when it comes to the father of my daughter... It's getting to the point where I can't wait much longer to make up my mind. I have a wedding coming up in just a few short months... I don't want to put time and money into planning it and then decide were better off not married.
Is it possible to love two men at the same time? Are we truly only given one chance for happiness? If so how do we know what path to follow?
Even if no one responds to this..it was still very therapeutic to get it out there into the void. thank you.
2 people like this
11 responses
@cbjones (1147)
• United States
20 May 10
It's the forbidden fruit syndrome. It's like, you find out another person has feelings for you, then all of the sudden you begin to second guess yourself and give more attention for the person your not committed to.
I'll stop short at trying to give advice because I'm in no way qualified enough to say anything that would be of use to anyone, but trusting your original instincts would probably be the way to go.
1 person likes this
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
20 May 10
Hi cbjones: I think almost the same. In those cases it's good to follow you heart, it says who's your real love and who's just a temptation. As you mentione in this case the forbidden fruit syndrome might be present. The question is to find if this new person is the one you really love or not. Thanks for your answer.
ALVARO.
@tracie1758 (507)
• United States
21 May 10
I don't really agree with the forbidden fruit syndrome. This person came to be my best friend while I was working with him. I think the feelings were always just bubbling beneath the surface for both of us but neither wanted to take that first step into seeing what could possibly happen.
@xRawrx (41)
• United States
21 May 10
Yes it is possible to be in love with two people. The best stories are stories that involve love triangles.. and it sucks that in this world, you're only allowed 1 lover.
I hope you will do what is right in the end. It makes me wonder if you are making one sound better than the other.. What about your fiance? does he make you happy? Did your fiance at the start of your relationship make you that happy? Can you see yourself with him the rest of your life? how about this other guy? Once all the excitement of a new relationship is gone. How well do you really know him? How will he look to you once you hit the same point you are in with the fiance? These are things to look at.
It must be hard is all im going to say.
1 person likes this
@med889 (5941)
•
21 May 10
I don't think this is possible especially when you say madly in love because we can be madly in love with only one person at a time and we when we love someone madly then there is never a second person in the relationship. You should once for all decide what you want and whom to choose. Be practical but don't forget your true emotions toward someone is the one you love in reality.
@sweetjoann22 (191)
• Australia
23 May 10
No... its a big no now... You should only love a one person. When you feel that you both attracted to two person, I think there is only one person you will see and feel much love. So you better choose the ones you love most and you cant live withour in your life than marrying the one who you dont love.
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
21 May 10
I admire how you realized that you did something wrong. But you still have to do something against it. Realizing it doesn't make any of it right.
@Nickfyoung (323)
• Australia
22 May 10
Yep, it is definitely possible. The problem is now you are operating on emotions and not logic. If you can put your emotions to one side and look at your situation in a purely logical way, you will be able to see the way through. However, that is easy to say and difficult to do. Emotions are very strong and very difficult to put to one side, even temporarily. But that is the only way you are going to get the answer you seek. Try very hard to look at your situation objectively and hopefully you will be able to make the right decision and move forward with your life once again.
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
20 May 10
Hi tracie: I think that a person can love two persons at the same time. You don't chose that this happend to you as you mentioned on your message. But it was and you have to face the problem because it's not good to hurt the feelings of someone that loves you. My advice would be that you have to ask yourself who of them is more important for you? who represents more for you? would you love to be with the father of your daughter for the rest of your life or with your other love. I know it might difficult for you to find that answer. But once you find who's the person you want to live with for your entire life you have to be consequent with that decition and say NO to the other person. It's very importan on these cases to say the truth even if it hurts. Thanks for sharing with us this problem. Hope you find your own answer. Have a nice day
ALVARO.
@Tangeryne (412)
• India
21 May 10
Hey Tracie, can you tell me how long you have known this co-worker of yous??? Does he know you have a fiance and that he's the father of your daughter and about your plans of marrying him?? Your fiance has been very understanding and supportive of the whole issue so don't take that for granted and don't push it. If this man knows your have a fiance all along, why is he making a move on you now?? What was he doing bottling up his feelings all this while and why did he suddenly decide to let you know about his feelings??? Please be careful, he might seem like he's willing to risk everything for you but that may not been the case. However, you know you can trust your fiance, hasn't he tackled your situation without an open mind? You can rely on him as he has proven that he will stand by you. I can't say the same for your colleague. As for the dilemma of loving two people at the same time, I don't think that's true. Just ask yourself if its really love that you feel for your co-worker?? Seems to me that it's just infatuation, you yourself said you turned him down when he first told you about his feelings. What does that tell you, that your weren't interested in him but since he expressed his feelings, you started thinking about him. That's kinda natural to be attracted to someone who gives you attention but think about the long term. I would advise you to stick to your fiance and not get distracted by infatuation and temptation. When it comes to relationships, please listen to your head and not your heart. Think about your situation from rational and sane point a view not on impulse emotions. Good luck. I hope you make the right decision and everything works out well.
@karen1969 (1779)
•
21 May 10
It is definitely possible to be in love with two men at the same time and I do sympathise with your situation. You do have to decide between them though and I think this is where you are now, I think it is the right time for you to choose. The way you wrote, I think you are closer to choosing your new love, so if this is so, GOOD LUCK! Only you can decide who you love more or which relationship is right for you. Your daughter will still see her father, I am sure and it sounds like your new love would be a good step-father to her. I have had similar issues and my children have not been harmed by my splitting up with their father and moving into a new relationship. I have now been with my husband for 13 years.
@Giftededdie (32)
• United States
21 May 10
Well i think it is ok but as long as ur not dating them like you just have a crush on them i believe that is ok :)
@nituscorner (7)
• India
21 May 10
the situation is sure a complex one and in such cases I think only time is the best judge. Love is an emotion and sometimes it it difficult to control it specially when it comes to two wonderful humans that you happen to like. I think it would be better for you not to rush into the wedding and give yourself some time to sort things out specially since your fiance seems to be so understanding, i am sure he would give you some space to think it over.
