what is it that i do that always make things worst

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hi, i just want to maybe release somethings in my mind,, might get an idea on what to do. since i am alive and that i remember, i am always suffering bad things, when i was just 2 years old, i got bitten in the head by my grandma's dog, i was to blame as they say, i am wondering without anyone with me in our house. still have the scar to remember me always of that freakin moment. then, got my parents divorced, me living with my aunts, making me their free house hold boy, feeding me what was left or just some food. then making me sleep 2 A.M and wake up 5 A.M. to go to school then at 2P.M. need to go to "work" at our general merchandise store, oh, did i mention, i was only 8 at that time. i need to go about 500 meters away from our house to buy cases of supplies of soft drinks and beers, a few neighbors only looked at me looking pitied or disgusted i don't know and i don't want to care. after a few years, we sold the house, got me living with my father, more worst life, my father having no steady income, sometimes we don't have enough money but he's a chain smoker so he needs to buy a pack of cigarette everyday for his own satisfaction, ignoring my need for food. sometimes i don't eat for 3 to 4 days, only water.. i tried eating some leaves at our front house plants, but i can eat it, made my tongue numb. when i was in high school, i have to fed myself, find me my own money to pay for daily public transport and to pay for some projects. luckily i have some brains in this coconut shell and i learned to operate a computer, a friend teaches me some do this and that on a computer and with the help of food old, google and yahoo search, i found more knowledge, so now, i can do what a computer technician graduate can do even though i am only high school graduate. i graduated 21 years old in high school because of lack of funding... cannot go to college, too expensive. now, i tried to apply for some work, didn't work out, coz they say i lack of degree or i lack of this and that... having a tough time i say to myself, but maybe if i do this and that maybe i can make it out of this freaking nightmare,,,.......... still i have a lot of problems. i tried suicide, 2 times, 1 is i jump out of a running bus, i only got myself laugh at and a lot of bruises. and another is i tried overdose of medicine,, got a week of vomiting and headache from that. i want to die, but i just can't simply do that like that..... it hurts to see that if i die, people will still mock me even if i am dead. don't know what to do anymore with this freaking life.. today just lost my last money... drop it somewhere i don't know what happened. so that means. i will not eat for the day.. i think i will not go to work anymore, i am tired of living.. do think i am doing the right thing?