Ever Been Taken Advantage of?
By Shellyann36
@Shellyann36 (11384)
United States
May 24, 2010 1:08pm CST
Have you ever been taken advantage of by a friend or family member? I am being taken advantage of by my cousin right now. My cousin is a few years younger than me and she has three young children. They have been semi-homeless for a while now. Back in February I rented a large house that has 6 bedrooms and a huge basement. My cousin was living with a friend with one of her children and her two older children were living with their father. I suggested that since the house is so big that we could move in together and share expenses. She readily agreed to this. Since her two older children are in school she decided to leave them with their day until the summer. She moved into the house with her youngest daughter in February when the rental agreement started. I paid for The first months rent and deposit as well as the electric and water deposits. I did not move into the house until the end of March. Our agreement was that she would help me with my youngest son (8 months old) while I worked from home and I would watch her 2 year old while she worked her second shift job. All of this sounds great but it has not turned out that way. I had a phone job and was working it but because they heard background noise (the baby, 2year old and my cousin all screaming) I lost my job. Honestly, it was more her fault than it was the kids. She was yelling at her two year old and spanking her right at the door to my office..... So now, I am scrounging trying to make money online with several different things. She never helps me with my 8 month old but yet I watch her 2 year old sometimes 24 hours a day. My cousin went to work yesterday at 1 and was suppose to work til 9 but called me asking me if I minded if she worked a few extra hours. Of course that was ok by me. She said she would see me at midnight. Well guess what time she decided to get home? She walked in the door at 6 am this morning. Now where has she been? Who knows but I know that she did not get any sleep. I had to practically drag her out of bed this afternoon. She has done this several times this month. She also brings home different men. I do not like this situation and I am going to clear the air tomorrow when she is off of work. If she can't straighten up I am going to have to give her a 30 day notice. Have you been taken advantage of lately?
3 people like this
10 responses
@GemmaR (8517)
•
25 May 10
I was taken advantage of a lot in my previous job. I was more able than everyone else in the same position as me, so my boss thought that it would be a good idea to make me do practically everything that had to be done in the business. I didn't mind, as I enjoyed it, but I was basically doing the same job as a manager for the same wage as a senior.. which wasn't on in my opinion.
I have learned now that it is so important to stand up for yourself if you think you're being taken advantage of though. If you don't, then it's unlikely that the situation will ever get any better. Once we start being true to ourselves, it is then that we get the respect from other people.
1 person likes this
@Shellyann36 (11384)
• United States
27 May 10
GemmaR that company really had a Gem in you. I know what you mean about being taken advantage of at work. Companies try to stretch you to the limit and I swear they would pay you less if they could get away with it. I am glad that you are now standing up for yourself more. I had a talk with my cousin and now we are on the same page. I will see how this goes. For right now it is back to normal. Thank you for replying. Happy MyLotting!
1 person likes this
@annavi23 (6522)
• Philippines
25 May 10
yes,shellyann i also have experienced being taken advantage of...
well,there are people around us who are really good at it. it's really annoying and irritating cause you are just being kind to them then what will they give you in return,right? sometimes,i just don't like to be kind to people. well, what can i do?
i give them my trust then after that they just take advantage of my kindness. i just hope someday they'll realize what they are doing...
oh please GOD help them to treat others like they want to be treated.
my sister has a daughter whom i am taking care of for the past how many years (i just don't want to mention anymore) she used to give me money but sometimes none.
sometimes she has the time to take care of her daughter but she doesn't like to.
i don't know,maybe she is just having fun with her boyfriend(not the father of her child,they were separated). i just don't feel free. i don't have a choice but to take care of her daughter.sometimes i think how long will i stay this way?
when will i have the freedom to live on myself and do whatever i wanted to do or achieve wahtever i want to achieve...it's just really sad,sometimes i just felt lonely.but thanks to mylot i have somehow few friends who lightens up my day.but it really not working for me. i need to grow. i need to live my own life. face the outside world,not just around the four corners of our house....
well,there are people around us who are really good at it. it's really annoying and irritating cause you are just being kind to them then what will they give you in return,right? sometimes,i just don't like to be kind to people. well, what can i do?
i give them my trust then after that they just take advantage of my kindness. i just hope someday they'll realize what they are doing...
oh please GOD help them to treat others like they want to be treated.
my sister has a daughter whom i am taking care of for the past how many years (i just don't want to mention anymore) she used to give me money but sometimes none.
sometimes she has the time to take care of her daughter but she doesn't like to.
i don't know,maybe she is just having fun with her boyfriend(not the father of her child,they were separated). i just don't feel free. i don't have a choice but to take care of her daughter.sometimes i think how long will i stay this way?
when will i have the freedom to live on myself and do whatever i wanted to do or achieve wahtever i want to achieve...it's just really sad,sometimes i just felt lonely.but thanks to mylot i have somehow few friends who lightens up my day.but it really not working for me. i need to grow. i need to live my own life. face the outside world,not just around the four corners of our house....
@Shellyann36 (11384)
• United States
27 May 10
annavi23 thank you so much for your reply. I am so sorry that your sister is taking advantage of you the way she is. I know it must be so hard on you. At least you know that you are doing what is right and your niece is not suffering because her mom does not spend time with her. I think it takes a kindhearted person to step up and take care of neglected children. Kudos to you for doing that. I am taking it that you are rather young and that it seems as if your life is being stolen from you because you are babysitting while your sister is out having a blast. Please be patient with your niece and just remember that you will be paid ten times over for your kindness. Thank you for being the wonderful person that you are. Happy Mylotting!
@annavi23 (6522)
• Philippines
28 May 10
hi again my friend,
thanks for the uplifting words you've stated here.
i hope what you said will come true,
you will be paid ten times over for your kindness
sometimes,it's really hard to be kind someone is taking advantage of your kindness.
i just hope someday i will have to live and experience to be independent on my own having no problems around me...
thank you again,my friend!
thank you again,my friend!
@GardenGerty (160909)
• United States
24 May 10
About twenty years ago I was taken advantage of, but that was then. It did not involve any children. If you have no success at getting her to straighten up and be responsible for her child, then perhaps you need to call child protective services and tell them she abandoned the child, the next time she goes out for an all nighter and you do not know where she is. She needs to grow up, three kids depend on her.
@Shellyann36 (11384)
• United States
27 May 10
GardenGerty it is very difficult when it involves children. So many mothers and fathers just abandon their children and do not care what happens to them until it is too late. I sat down and had a talk with my cousin and we come to an understanding. I also let her know that she needs to spend time with her children more and to be more patient with her two year old. I think this will resolve the entire situation. Thank you for commenting. Happy MyLotting!
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
24 May 10
I think we can all remember a time when we have been taken advantage of. For the younger crowd, it would have to be friends and school that have taken advantage. As adults, the burdens for this can be countless. I have often found that a family member can easily be the culprit when I am taken advaantage of. It'a easier to forgive these deeds than to forget them.
@Shellyann36 (11384)
• United States
27 May 10
Sender621 I wholeheartedly agree with you. As adults we are constantly a possible target to be taken advantage of. ( I also agree with the younger crowd being taken advantage of my friends). It is easier to forgive than it is to forget. I expressed my feelings to my cousin and right now we are back on the same page again. I hope it continues to be that way. Thank you for your post and Happy MyLotting!
@ShadowofHope2010 (173)
• United States
25 May 10
Yes you have and here comes the tie to lay down the law. Your cousin took advantage of you and you need to let her know how you feel so she can get her act straight. It was way more than crossing the line when you lost your job because of her worthless parenting. Maybe she's going through some things, I dunno, but you need to sit down and hav a good talk with her becasue this is unacceptable and by doing this she is punishing not only herself but those around her.
@Shellyann36 (11384)
• United States
27 May 10
ShadowofHope2010 I really like your sign in name. Yes my cousin has been taking advantage of me and it has screwed up quite a few things. I did sit down and talk to her about it and we have worked out an agreement. So far so good. I hope it continues to stay that way. I also mentioned that she was not spending enough time with her kids to her. She is in her 30's trying to be 20 again. I think she has the hint now. Thank you for your reply. Happy MyLotting!
@yufeijia79 (2)
• Hong Kong
25 May 10
Cousins are the relationship given by god, we should value this relationship. But it does not mean offerring everything. But understand is necessary.
@Shellyann36 (11384)
• United States
27 May 10
Thank you very much yufeijia79. You put is very well. I love my cousin. She is my family and more like a sister than a cousin. We have come to an agreement on how things should be and so far she is holding to her side of it. Thank you for posting and Happy MyLotting!
@KrauseHome (36447)
• United States
10 Apr 11
Wow.. I know you started this situation 11 months ago and all, but this brings me back to when I had a cousin living with me back in the late 80s. Her mom even promised I would have my utility bill, etc. helped paid for, etc. but then renigged on it, and my cousin used to have different men around all the time as well. My Aunt actually then did almost the same thing to my Mom, sister etc. as well so it was a family issue, but makes me wonder how people can be like this and not seem to think anything is ever wrong.
@cbjones (1147)
• United States
24 May 10
Anyone who says that they have never been taken advantage of is lying through their teeth. Nobody knows everything. Because of that, there are people willing to take advantage of anyones ignorance on any subject if it will help their bottom line.
In this case, you have somebody who isn't showing you enough respect to take responsibility for their own action. I know people like this, and they never learn until they are thrown out on their own, and are forced to to take care of them selves without depending on others.
These people often mistake kindness for weakness, and view themselves as being like royalty, and not having to deal with things the rest of us do. The outright delusion is sad, very sad.
@Shellyann36 (11384)
• United States
27 May 10
Thank you for your reply cbjones. In many ways what you are saying is very true. Nobody knows everything so they can be taken advantage of in certain situations. My cousin is being her "normal" free willed self. I do consider it taking advantage of me. We talked yesterday and I let her know what my thoughts were and we have come to a mutual agreement. My real complaint was that we are suppose to be sharing babysitting hours. I work during the day (from home) and she works second shift. Her coming in late every night/early morning prevented her from watching my son during the early morning hours. We are now on the same track once again. Happy MyLotting!
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
24 May 10
I have but not like what you're experiencing now. I admire your patience. I truly think that family comes first more than anything but what your cousin is doing to you now is way over the line. I could've snapped in the process.
@Shellyann36 (11384)
• United States
27 May 10
Thank you frontvisions101 for replying and the compliment. I love my cousin very much. We are more like sisters than cousins. She has been through so much in the last few years that I would never turn my back on her. I just needed to let her know how I was feeling and establishing that communication back again. Of course her response was that I had gotten too soft in my old age and that when we were younger I would have just slapped some sense into her. LOL! Happy MyLotting!
@NaturalWriter (40)
• India
24 May 10
Not me but someone I know has been in a similar situation. My friend stays alone. Then comes one of his colleagues who requests him to let him stay for 2-3 days at my friend's place. That 2-3 days has stretched to nearly 35 days. At least you have a rental agreement, this colleague doesn't share any responsibility with my friend. He neither pays for things not does he help with household chores. Now, my friend has decided to turn him out.
Probably you should do the same or ask her to mind her manners and share responsibility for peaceful existence.
@Shellyann36 (11384)
• United States
27 May 10
Thank you for your reply NaturalWriter. I do feel sorry for your friend. Sounds as if that colleague really took advantage of him. I think your friend should have put his/her foot down sooner. I had a talk with my cousin and we come to an agreement. Things are alright again. Happy MyLotting!
