My 14 year old got suspended...

I would remove her from the friends she is currently associating with. Hold fast to the punishments you have devised for her and simply refuse to argue the matter with her, when she becomes argumentative simply ignore her until she is done and then calmly repeat whatever it was you were trying to say in the first place. Make sure every one knows to be obvious in the disappointment, don't hide that from her. She sounds like she is generally a good kid, but got on the wrong track. The disappointment of her family will probably be the worst punishment of everything devised and so the most useful.

My 13 year old is having problems too, but in her case it's anxiety and she gets freaked out having to go to school when she has tests and presentations and things, and it causes her to have nausea and sometimes vomiting. We have her in counseling. But for your daughter, I think you're doing the right thing also. Hold your ground and make sure she knows that you won't be giving in, and hopefully you'll be seeing that nasty attitude turn around pretty quickly.

Hii there Well you need to be careful here while punishing.At this stage kids become suddenly rebellious and thats natural.So take care while punishing.Punishment should not push her away form you.If you punish her in such a away which hurt her pride then it can actually worsen situation.

Forgive me for giving this observation but your daughter just isn't behaving like an intelligent girl. Why would she pull pranks like that? In our place, conduct is important and that a student with a problem in this area will never be considered for the honor roll. Behavior is as important as knowledge of subject matter. You have to tell her this that if she does not behave, no school will accept her. Maybe you could try giving her a harsher punishment so she will learn a lesson.

We all went through with the same situation as well grew old back then. Being exposed to a lot of personalities in school we are prone to be hanging out with the wrong crowd. You know your daughter wouldn't have done things like that if she wasn't being friends with those kind of kids. I definitely would be doing the same things you are doing as of now but this would make your daughter feel you are being unreasonable and exaggerated. That's on her own perception. I suggest you let things cool down and let her feel that what she did is really wrong by not dealing a cold treatment when it comes to things you usually do. After two days to three days of being grounded with a cold treatment from mom, approach her and talk to her calmly. By this, you could sit down and let her understand everything. Sometimes being a parent doesn't mean that we have to be a parent all the time. Your daughter is in a critical stage right now. In which she is looking for her own identity and we should accept the fact that mostly they are relying that from their peers. For me, if we as a parent just give punishments without explaining or rather explaining it as a parent way, our kids will be more or less choose to be rebel. Talk to her. Your kid is smart to understand.

Be patient my dear...try to hold your temper..try to relax.. because if you are now relax, you can able to think well... She is your daughter...so I think, you should know more in your child.. try to be sensitive in her feelings, maybe she just want you to have more attention to her. I hope, I can able to help my dear.. :) GOD BLESS.

Hi Shadow; Your daughter is at the age where her attitude is changing. It comes as a surprise since the change is usually sudden and drastic, whereas just previously, she was such a nice child! The way I see it is influence from the people she has been hanging out with. This is usually the most prominent contributing factor. I am sorry to hear of the change, the disappointment and suspension. School is so very important. I would be embarrassed. In any case, no being allow to see the girls she was hanging out with at the time of these incidents, much less any other friends, is a good start. I would ban her from the telephone and computer, thus halting all communication with them. This may allow her to reflect on her actions that got her in the hot water that she is currently in! I do not think that you are exaggerating. I would drive home to her how disappointed that you are in her and how shocked you are in her sudden change of behavior. As another responder mentioned, I would think that daily chores would be called for. If she does not preform the daily tasks to your satisfaction, continue to add a few days to a week, to her "grounding". I would not allow her any luxuries during this time, including t.v., stereo or computer, as well as the telephone. Take the computer mouse and even power cord with you when you go to work say, and even the complete telephone unit if possible. Take the remote control for the tv. Just grab a hand or shopping bag and keep it handy to load up for awhile. It may be a bit of a nuisance but so has her behavior been. The idea is not only punishment but creating an environment where she will be faced to thinking about what her actions caused. As for the arguing, this is unfortunate as well but to be expected with the added stress. For the most part, give her her orders and then ignore her. Don't leave an open opportunity to argue. Maybe write a list of things to be done daily. Have a list for each day of the week or just one master list. This way she can just read it and follow it, rather than having to converse with her if this is when the arguments occur. When she completes the tasks, have a way for her to check off each one, daily as it is done. This will make it easier for you to see what has been done and what hasn't. When she does good, tell her so, thank her and tell her how much you appreciate the job well done if warranted. The biggest deal would be to cut all contact with the girls that she got in trouble with in the first place. If you converse with the other girl's parents, maybe talking with them would prove to be beneficial as well. At the least it will give you a good idea of what sort of parenting the children are coming from. Sometimes it is a lack of parenting that produces disorderly conduct. In which case you will want to encourage your daughter to find nicer friends perhaps. This too shall pass. I just hope for you it is with as least stress as possible, for both yourself and your daughter. maybe sitting down with her and saying hey you know, I love you. What you did was totally out of charecter, immature and just not the thing to do. That you have to present some punishment because if you didn't then she wouldn't realize how much you care about her and her best interest. The lesson to be learned is when you do something as crazy that she has, there are consequences and thankfully they are not as bad as they could of been. Such as crawling around the ceiling of the theater, she or her friend simply could of fallen and seriously damaged themselves. Perhaps ever a spinal injury if not a broken limb. That the punishment for such irresponsible behavior is minor in comparison. That being suspended from school is not a laughing matter. That you two wil get through this and hopefully for the better. The idea is to teach her to never pull off such idiotic antics ever again. Perhaps choose some better, more mature and responsible friends. Perhaps have her volunteer her time this summer to a worthy cause, rather than sitting around the house once her chores are done, daily. This will teach her the responsibility that she obvious temporarily forgot. Hope something her proves helpful!

Hi Shadow, Teens are fun aren't they? One thing I was very impressed at in reading this is that you did not jump to blame the other girl and held your daughter accountable for her own actions including the type of friends she chooses to hang with. I do think all summer is a bit long considering this is the first time she has gotten into trouble but it is good that you have sentenced her for that long. Now you can let her know that her sentenced can be shortened with good behavior or it can be lengthened for bad behavior.

Hi, ShadowofHope. You are doing what is right. Since she is too old for a spanking, she needs some other type of punishment. Take away her most cherished things. You know what they are. And, talk to her about what she did. It is obvious that she was led by her friend, as peer pressure to commit these bad acts. I am sorry that you had to go to school for this. I think that this is the most embarrassing thing that a parent can go through. Showing up at school for something a child does is very shameful on a parent's part. I think that your daughter was just showing off because of her friend. They both know that school is about to be out and they are getting wild and all. I think that it is terrible that she will be on punishment for the some of the summer. What a sad way to have to spend her summer, on punishment. But as her mother you have to do what you have to do.

I cannot agree more with the thoughts on the first comment. I think the company she is in is bad. I think that instead of keeping her home, you send her away to her cousin's place so that she will be away from her friends for a while and maybe she will realise that she was on the wrong path. I strongly feel that it's her present company that has brought the change in her and the faster it is handled, the better for all. As far as the punishments go, it's easy to scold and rebuke someone. I say that you should sit down and speak to her about this and how such things could tarnish her image for the rest of her life. How she should be remembered as a girl who lied and got thrown out of the school. If she is sensible enough, she will see the signs and mend her ways. bourne

I would have done exactly what you did. There has to be a reason why she is suddenly acting the way she is if she's never done it. Reading what you've written seems so out of character for how you've described her. It seems like there's an obvious issue that maybe she's not talking about to you? Maybe not about you, but I just mean something going on with her that you're not aware of. I would have guessed had I not seen her age that she was in middle school because that seems to be the time when most kids go through a really bad phase, but she's already 14 which means preparing for high school. Still, at that age, kids are going through all kinds of changes chemically and physically and it causes them to go crazy in a way. I think the best thing to do is what you've done. She needs to learn a lesson and it's not going to happen unless you prove to her that her actions have consequences which can be very severe and that you're not going to put up with this kind of behavior. She can argue with you all she wants, but the fact of the matter is that she's only 14 and as her parent, she needs to respect you because YOU are the person who is in charge. Otherwise she's going to keep trying to get away with things and if lying and misbehaving are any indication of things, you definitely do not want to let this get worse and grow any further out of control than it already has. As far as I'd be concerned her summer is gone. MAYBE, just MAYBE around August I'd start being a little more lax if she had behaved well the first two months, but even that is a huge maybe. And even if I gave in a little there, it wouldn't be by very much at all.