one last cry.:(

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Have you felt rejected? Have they neglected to spend time with you? Have they forgotten to tell you where they are going, what they are doing? Have they hurt your feelings? When this happens to me I sometimes forget to look for the cause of this behavior. I get hurt, I get angry, but I forget to ask myself why? I easily let my pain to be my idol. Personal pain makes it hard to be aware of other people. Personal pain makes it hard to concentrate on anything other than your own problems. I have just come through a difficult year. I incurred many emotional hurts this year, and so I have been learning a lot about pain…. A lot…. I have learned that pain gets easier when friends go through it with you. I have learned that pain’s intensity changes some days it hurts less than others. I have learned that my pain makes me selfish. It is easy to get so involved in my own feeling that I am unaware of the needs of others around me. And if the pain just won’t go away, and still scars my heart badly, there… there… the depression came. Depression has always been a battle in my life. There are many mornings when I wake up feeling miserable, just plain sad. For me, depression comes goes; one day or one hour something that I have decided I want to conquer. Am I hurt?... to feel this kind of anger? Am I badly hurt to feel depressed? Or was it I been hurt by someone I really LOVE? And do you know what I think of love or being in love? LOVE stink! LOVE is full of lying! LOVE is crazy! LOVE is stupid! LOVE is full of too much expectation! LOVE isn’t true! LOVE is full of broken promises! LOVE is foolishness! I can no longer understand LOVE… cause its just full of pain. But I guess that’s the way it is…. If they knew how important she/he to you they will leave you like that!... Like a piece of garbage! Like a piece of broken furniture! With a broken heart, full of hatred… and scared… and afraid to try it again. LOVE isn’t like Romeo and Juliet that we watch in TV’s…. it will never happen in REALITY…. NEVER! We have to separate fairytales from reality…. There’s no such thing as “happily ever after”. Sometimes it is harder to forgive those who hurt us when they are people that we know and used to LOVE. The deeper the LOVE the deeper the PAIN, it wouldn’t be so hard, if I didn’t care so much! Right?! Sometimes I need a place to hide. A quite place to pull my thoughts together. A place where I can stay until my hurt feelings feel better, but I guess we can’t just hide to our problems or daydream them away. Still we do need to recover, get our balance back and find the strength to go on. But how am I supposed to do that, when I felt so alone? When I can’t stop crying? Can stop thinking about my hurt feelings? And when I can’t accept the truth? Really it is true! The truth HURTS! Maybe I am different than you are, but I have a long memory for hurt. If someone hurt my feelings, I seem to remember it FOREVER. I struggle with the desire to take revenge, to “get back at them” I want them to feel what I felt. I used to wonder, “Can you be Christian and still plan to take revenge?” Sometimes I want to… very much! REVENGE is sweet! Revenge is FUN! What is wrong with taking revenge if you have a just cause? Cause recently SOMEONE hurt me. It was a DEEP hurt, one that WOUNDED my spirit. I wanted to hurt him too. But…. Revenge does not belong to us… not to me…. We just become like the person who hurt us. I remember: When a couple gets married, they believe that their feelings for one another will never change. Of course, they feel this way before they have their first argument! The fact is that human love, the romantic kind runs out. Human love does not come in an endless supply. How can any marriage last 50 years? Or 20? Or even 10? How can two people still care about one another after a lifetime? How can anyone be faithful in the face of hurt, poverty and hopelessness? It is impossible in the human love. It is only possible when they have an endless supply of love and have divine help. You know GOD take promises seriously. Promise … is a really big word…. So never get a joke on it, instead take it seriously… before someone get truly hurt. As I open the DS of my cousin to listen to his music. The one that pop up is this… AND A ONE LAST CRY, ONE LAST CRY BEFORE I LEAVE IT ALL BEHIND… And as I go on… I compile a song to cheer me up… Everything you not…. Everything you lie… I will never be the same until we meet again. Because of you I am afraid…. Too little too late…. I can love with all my heart baby… I love you goodbye… Pakisabi na lang na mahal ko siya d na bale kung may mahal siyang iba…. At wag magalala d aq UMAASA! Youre the worst than ever! Fixing a broken heart! Our love will never be the same… Happy ending… Ill be alright, Ill be OK.. Learning the art of letting go…. To the left, to the left…. Everything you own in the box to the left…. And last…. The one I heard in the movie, SPIDERMAN.. So I’m through with love… And it comes for me to realized and ask: If my life was like Gabriella…. Will I find my troy? That I really can call mine? Just mine? Or can I be lucky like Juliet who has a Romeo that will do everything for her? Is there still a prince left for me? When that time comes? Will I be ready? Ready to be get seriously, madly in love again? Or ready to get hurt again? And cry again? And I come to think and jump to this conclusion: Past is Past, what is done is done…. Crying and feeling sad won’t make my feelings better. Maybe the wound will heal but the scar will stay… But in order to move on, to forget… and to give forgiveness. First… I have to let it go. So can I have this one last cry to let it flow everything away?... and totally eradicate the burden lifts in my heart?... And that, it is my time… TIME TO LET GO Cause I know I will love again after a long long time….