"I'm 30, single and lonely..."
By desrie
@desrie (297)
May 31, 2010 8:11am CST
I just had a very interesting dinner with one of my best friends and colleague today. We were in our third glass of white wine when she suddenly blurted out, " Des, I'm 30, single and lonely.. Help me out..."
Mid-life crisis at the age of 30? How many of you are experiencing this kind of dilemma?How did you handle it?
3 people like this
26 responses
@marinarovi (1318)
• Argentina
31 May 10
I moved from home, turned 30, and lost my job all on the same week last year. And had been single for almost a year. So turning 30 was really awful for me.
But then I got a great job, I like my new home, and all of a sudden all was falling into place, and met someone a few months ago.
Now I'm 31, in a relationship, I have a nice job that I enjoy a lot, and a warm home with my cat waiting for me to come home everyday.
I think the important thing is not to panic and let it flow.
1 person likes this
@marinarovi (1318)
• Argentina
1 Jun 10
Thank you so much, desrie...
I just think it all happens for a reason, and you just have to be patient to find out later, that's all.
@adequee (204)
• Malaysia
31 May 10
single and lonely , two words that challenge people like me the 30's. many of my 'old people' in my place has said that "you'll get to know yourself in your 30's... well that's why many poeple feel lonely when they're single in their 30's, for me it's depends on how someone feel by reaching 30's.if someone look theyself as lonely poeple then they'll be lonely!i myself is single but i think there're so many things i havent discovered...i want to discover it!
@Geomos (322)
• South Africa
31 May 10
Hey Des, your friend should never be "30, single and lonely" if she hangs out with you - Haha.
I'm sure you could teach her a thing or two about "how not to be lonely"
I've never experienced this because I travel a lot and I am always socializing and have many friends in many places. Your friend must be positive and just make a point of meeting more people. Maybe if she went on a nice holiday to a nice resort she would meet new friends and exchange the loneliness for friends ;-)
@desrie (297)
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31 May 10
LOL...She doesn't hang out with me all the time. I have my job and she's got to volunteer at the hospital for 12 hours everyday. It just so happened that we were both free tonight. If we have more time, you bet she won't be lonely LOL!
That girl is having issues. I couldn't blame her though. She had been single so long, I think she's afraid of getting left behind. I try to boost her happiness by introducing her to a few men...( I should have opened a brothel ), but, I don't know. Something is always lacking..Maybe a vacation WOULD be helpful. I would certainly mention that to her. Thanks for giving me the idea Geomos... ;)
@Geomos (322)
• South Africa
31 May 10
I suppose if she's got issues it doesn't help. Maybe her job is what is holding her back... If she is spending 12 hours at a hospital everyday then she won't have much time for anything else, especially developing relationships. Maybe you should open a brothel ;-) then she can work for you and have fun while she works - hehe
Seriously though, a vacation could be a good thing and it might help if she goes on vacation with a good friend who is open and extrovert and can "lead her astray" ;-)
@desrie (297)
•
31 May 10
Nah.. a brothel costs too much and I'm no millionaire. LOL. It's fun to think about it though. I would just drag any of my friends who get lonely to my brothel and would get a night to remember and thank me for it LOL.
Seriously though, her job isn't holding her back...She's just a little depressed because of her age ;) I'm 28. In two years I'll turn 30. But I don't see myself being as depressed as her. I'm just too lively for that
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
31 May 10
I was desperate in my mid twenties and for good reason. When I did marry at the ripe old age of 29, I found that I could not bear children. Oh I got pregnant all right, but it ended before the first or second month. So maybe she has a right to be lonely and desperate.
You could suggest some places where she might meet some nice unmarried men. I do not think a bar is a good place to find them, but sports events, churches, or she could try Eharmony, or Match.com. They do work.
This is not mid-life crisis. She wants to get married and is looking for a husband.
Oh I met my husband in church, my sons met their wives at work so that could give her a good place to look.
Oh and guys love their girls to cook for them.
1 person likes this
@annavi23 (6522)
• Philippines
1 Jun 10
i'm heading to 28 this year,single but happy.though sometimes i feel lonely,of course.sometimes we find ourselves boring cause we have all the same day routine and stuffs.it made me thinking that,will i forget the guy who's been in love for me for how many years,and let go of him cause i don't feel in love with him anymore.and let me find and wait for the right guy for me? being single is enough sometimes.but it will always come to my mind what if i said yes to the guy i didn't love or i just have to find for my destined man? or will i be accepting the fact that i will be old and single? as of now,i'm just enjoying what i have.my friends and family.i just share my love specially to my niece who i used to take care of.at least i have someone who i can talk and share love to.it's not bad at all.
@annavi23 (6522)
• Philippines
1 Jun 10
oh,you already have your own kids?
how about a husband,where is he? i have read your other posts about s**,but i don't think you have mentioned him there.
well,yeah the children have smiles that brought us smiles also and same way we forget things that has been troubling us in a way. my niece is a smart kid,she knows when someone is feeling sad and she knows how to comfort them/us when we feel so.
what we do to her,she also applies to us.that's why we have to be careful in our acts always cause children will always adopt those.
have a nice life,my friend!
well,yeah the children have smiles that brought us smiles also and same way we forget things that has been troubling us in a way. my niece is a smart kid,she knows when someone is feeling sad and she knows how to comfort them/us when we feel so.
what we do to her,she also applies to us.that's why we have to be careful in our acts always cause children will always adopt those.
have a nice life,my friend!@annavi23 (6522)
• Philippines
2 Jun 10
oh,so you have nephews,not children of your own?
i thought you already have a husband and own child.
why does it sound like you don't need a man?
it seems like you are not the one in the s** topic sharing story of desrie's tales.
yeah,i've read those and i think you are good in writing,my friend!
i also find some responses who said you really are good in it.
so,i'm just surprised you have no family of your own right now.
i thought you already have a husband and own child.
why does it sound like you don't need a man?
it seems like you are not the one in the s** topic sharing story of desrie's tales.
yeah,i've read those and i think you are good in writing,my friend!
i also find some responses who said you really are good in it.
so,i'm just surprised you have no family of your own right now.@desrie (297)
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1 Jun 10
Good for you annavi. That's the spirit. I know it feels really good when there are kids involved. The kids doesn't have to be yours. Having children around the house is very relaxing and tiresome at the same time. For me, whenever i come home, I would find the smiles of my kids enough to make me forget how tired I was that day.
@labea17 (443)
• Philippines
31 May 10
You know what? I am only 21 years old, but I am very much afraid that I would grow old. All of my friends and batchmates are now getting married and having their baby, while I am left out. I don't even have a boyfriend and no is courting me. So it can get really scary.
However, i am also praying and wishing that someday the right man for me will come in my life and make me completely happy and complete me as a woman. I want to be a mother too, you know.
@desrie (297)
•
1 Jun 10
Your still young. You have so many years yet ahead of you. Can I give you some advise? Plan for your future. And don't be afraid to be left out just because your batch-mates are already married. Take it as an opportunity to know yourself more and to grow up. You might not know it, but the guy intended for you is just around the corner waiting for YOU :) Cheers to you girl!
@labea17 (443)
• Philippines
1 Jun 10
I know that I just have to wait and everything will eventually fall in it's right place, that's why I'm not rushing things.
If he does not come, it's ok. But if he does, it would be even better for me! :)
I don't want to get married at this time of my life where i haven't proved myself yet. I still want to accomplish many things
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
1 Jun 10
Aw hey, it happens. I can understand.
It's not a midlife crisis, everyone needs to feel happy. And part of that is having good relationships. Maybe she values a partner and wants to be in a relationship. For others, friends and family are always there, but I think most peopel want a relationship at some stage, with someone outside their family.
She can date and meet more people, or go out more, and try to keep happy, hang out with friends, do fun stuff. And just have faith things will work out right.
@homeshoppers (6166)
• Philippines
31 May 10
i understand your sentiments but i guess your not alone with that, just keep on looking besides i can see that your pretty so im sure your time will come, i also used to be alone and lonely before since my bf was based in london and he was there for almost 8 years now i was also waiting for many years if theres really marriage or not since im already 30 that time and he didnt say anything about marriage yet.
im 32 right now and still single but pregnant with my first baby. but not from my bf but from my friend here whom i turned into though he also become my bf and he got me pregnant and now he just left me without a words, i cant blame him coz i know that he know who really i love but for the fact that he left my baby is not really an excuse. anyway, i still have my bf in UK.
so hope you will not the same mistakes as i have, just have patience and time will come.
@homeshoppers (6166)
• Philippines
31 May 10
actually we dont talk much about the baby besides i got pregnant when we broke up that time, we actually had problem for 2 months and for that months we decided to break up first to think.
and thats the time that my friend entered into my life as i know he loves me and his just waiting for the right time so he also become my bf then after few months my bf in UK wants me back then the other one find out about it and he was so angry thinking that he knows i love my first bf than him, i accepted my bf back as i didnt know im already pregnant that time and so when i found out i told the father about it and he was already angry and he was thinking im just using him and that he felt like he was just a rebound so he left me and he never left any words, actually i understand him but leaving his baby is not really acceptable to me as if his angry to me then he have no right to include the baby as he knows it from him.
though im already happy with my bf in UK and i just hope someday we can be together, actually if my friend only propose to marry me i will accept his proposal for the sake of the baby besides his not hard to love with coz his also nice and his also half filipino and half canadian so i know he can took care of us and his also handsome but unfortunately he never left us than fight for his right. anyway im just glad to have a baby with canadian blood
but unfortunately he never left us than fight for his right. anyway im just glad to have a baby with canadian blood@desrie (297)
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31 May 10
Wow...that's heavy...How would you explain to your bf your current situation right now? I'm not judging you. I'm way past the age of being judgmental by what people do. I'm just curious (which would get me killed one day, I know it)
And what your friend did...that was tasteless of him. No matter if you love somebody else and you just turned to him because you were lonely, he still has some responsibility with his unborn child...
@Freespirited (75)
• Canada
3 Jun 10
I think I'm kind of going through that but I wouldn't call it a mid-life crisis. I just felt I needed to make a change in my life, so I decided to join some online dating sites to make friends and maybe more. So far, it has been going well.
@ada8may21 (2405)
• Philippines
1 Jun 10
I am 29 and turning 30 very soon still single, very much happy and contented with my life and a bit lonely when dark comes. But I am not experiencing of mid life crisis, because I accept the fact that I'll be single for the rest of my life. I accepted that my dream to walk in the aisle and vowing to our Lord for this man, is no longer come true it will just be part of my dream my broken dream. I guess just accept the fact that life is like that, I know its not easy. There are lots of nights that I cried for it until one morning its all ok.
@joefinding (64)
• China
1 Jun 10
OMG,i just had the same situation last night.The difference is that I said what your friend said.I don't know how to handle it,i just feel a little confusion.I just read some responses here,and I think Mid-life crisis is too much for describing the people at the age of 30.we are still young.
maybe a trip is better for me.I should plan a Tibet trip in a few months.
@joefinding (64)
• China
1 Jun 10
just a plan,I can't go anywhere now.my boss went to sweden last week.he will stay there for one and a half month.so i can't take annual leaves until he come back!I am glad to come with you,but it depends on our schedules!
@emsxxx (75)
• Indonesia
1 Jun 10
when the time is come, it comes, enjoy your life and keep your heart open
PS: if it's your real pic, send me a PM XD
@zengy57 (59)
• Philippines
3 Jun 10
des, your friend is so eager to find a husband i think... just like those friends i have. tell her not be one, just relax be contented think positive, go out with friends. don't be too obvious looking for man They might be turned off with her...huh.be sexy and yummy but not easy to get..
@janron29 (266)
• Philippines
1 Jun 10
It is not the end of the world when you reach 30 and still single. Attend some organizations like singles for christ. There will be a chance that you could meet MR.RIGHT. Prayers would be her best tool to fight the loneliness she felt right now. Be a good friend to her, introduce her to your single male friends.
@Naisan (215)
• Philippines
1 Jun 10
i guess her idea is that at this age she should tying the knot down. let's all admit this we women have this need of maternal spurn in us, we want family, children, marriage--this is how i understand her statement when she says that she is lonely.
how many of us want happily ever after too. the truth is we are already happy on our own, single blessedness or in marriage; but we want those things because our society everywhere dictates that it is supposed to be that we have family.
we will never run out of this longing
@kenchiprincess (5296)
• Philippines
1 Jun 10
well i got a friend who is on the same boat as you friend. just encourage your friend that being single is not a reason to be lonely. She could be bless in some other ways it may be that she can't see this because she is focused on being single and lonely. age are just numbers. life is short so she needs to enjoy life. i believe she has her family and friends. cheer her up!!!
@careguarden (5670)
• Philippines
1 Jun 10
Well I also have a friend who experience that kind of sentiments. I guess there are lots of women who were also encountering that kind of struggle. I think the best thing your friend needs to do is to something about it, not just sit down and experience the feeling of loneliness. She needs to get up and meet new people, friends that could possibly be one of her lifetime partner. She needs to associate with people who are optimistic, single and happy. That's her problem and the worst thing she can do with it, is to sit down and do nothing.
@chirag2006 (123)
• China
1 Jun 10
dont worry its not a problem u r thirty and u r alone its a good thing u dont have to worry about it just find new boyfriend/girlfriend and enjoy it u have no limitation just find lifepartner that is ok for u so dont worry my friend
