He Cheated - I Took Him Back - Why Am I The Bad Guy???
By Rosie
@rosie230 (1703)
May 31, 2010 2:20pm CST
If you have read my discussions you will have noticed that I have been having some relationship issues with my boyfriend... if you have not read my posts then to break it down in short:
I have been with this guy for the last 4 years (just over)
I gave birth to his son last year
He does not live with me, and does not seem to want to at the moment
He got caught out last week when it was unravelled that he had been seeing me and another woman at the same time
His other woman was sending me texts last week calling me everything under the sun, and slagging our son off
His other woman, who is apparently not taking him back, has told his own children about our son knowing full well that they did not know anything about their new brother
So there it is...
Problem is, I text my boyfriend and he does reply to me, but when he goes into the pub he always stops and then does not text again until he gets home, and that is if he remembers... I just get so paranoid that she has taken him back, and he is trying to keep me sweet, but still see her... I don't know what to think anymore, it just seems all a mess and I am fed up. I love the man to bits and he is the father of my little boy, but I just can't seem to make him realise how I feel... he makes it out that he is the one who is suffering that he is the one that has all this stress to deal with, I just don't know what to do, everytime I talk to him about it, we end up having a huge argument, and it just makes me feel so bad, I have tried to leave him, but I love him so much I just can't do it. Plus I have our little boy to consider in all this, he does not deserve to be put in this situation. I rely on contact via text messaging when he is at his house, and I am not with him now, because I need to know that he is not with her. The only thing is I wonder if she would text me to rub it in my face that they are together, since she was quite happy texting me all last week... but then I think, well maybe he would tell her not to text me... oh god I just dont know ... see what I mean, I'm just so paranoid I feel like I am cracking up.
2 people like this
13 responses
@cip116 (1011)
• Romania
31 May 10
I think you need to see good things.
You have a child, is the most important think in your life.
This wonderful child should not have a mother who suffer for a man.
This thing is not good for children.
Father for a child can exist or not ,but mother is only a woman...this woman is you.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
31 May 10
Hi Rosie, You may not want to hear this but it sounds to me like he has the best of both worlds whilst you are sitting at home with the baby, not committing to anything, still wanting his time at the pub and you not being able to contact when he is not at your home except by text message is just plain crazy. You may love him but it sounds like he is using you as and when it suits. I don't know the full story but just the fact alone that his lover on the side told his children is just wrong too. Remember once a womaniser always a womaniser, what about the mother of his other children how does she feel, were you the other woman then? As an outsider looking in I would walk away but that is easy for me to say as I am nor emotional invovled and on't have a child with hi,. Good luck with this one. Huggles. Ellie :D
@rosie230 (1703)
•
31 May 10
Thanks Ellie,
No I was not the other woman he had divorced his wife years ago, and his children are all adults the youngest being almost 19. I do want to walk away in one way, because then it would be easier for me to deal with, but on the other hand I don't want to walk away because he tells me it's me he loves and he loves being a Daddy to our son, and when we have time together it just feels so right. I do feel like he is using me, and everytime I tell him this he tells me I am mad, and if this is the way I am going to be then what is the point.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
31 May 10
Maybe it is guilt that makes him mad cos he knows deep down he should be trating you better. Make a lisy of all the good and all the bad if one out weighs the other go woth that but be honest as your peace of mind and stress affect your son too. Extrsa huggles as its seems you are going through it right now. :)
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
1 Jun 10
He is under pressure? He is, but not in the way some people may think.
Based on your story, and what had happened to othrt prople in the past, it looks like he wants to have certain things for free without any real attachment. If he is sincere he would have paid attention only to you, and taken real responsibility over you and your son.
There are men who can sweet talk into the hearts of women, and leave them when they have found something new. I have met many of them, and heard of even more cases. Even though I am a man I hate any form of abuse done on women.
You will have to make a firm decision on this matter, or you may be neither here nor there. Try not to allow your emotions to cloud the issue. You should ask questions like do you really love him, or is it the fear that you may not find another man who would be prepared to take you as you are. Your son needs a father who can be cnsistent, and can give a good example to him.
On a different note is he a Mormon, or belonging to a religious group or cult which allows polygamy?
@Christy23 (98)
• United States
1 Jun 10
Hi rosie. I am sorry this is happening to you. You have been given some really good advice from what I have read so far. Your boyfriend is manipulating you into staying with him. He will continue this course of behavior because you allow it. Your son is the most important so focus on what is best for you and your son. These mind games he is playing is one of the cruelest things one can do to another in a relationship. I would stop calling him period. Move on with your life. He will start calling you then I bet when his ego is hurting. You can do better than this person. Don't feel bad for him anymore. He is not suffering you are. I wish you the best of luck and keep us updated.
@olayemi7 (36)
• United States
1 Jun 10
Hi Rosie. Just so you know I was going through the same thing. I have been dating this guy for almost 3 years and I got pregnant for him last year which was when I found out he has been cheating on me. My advice to you will be to move on. I know you love him and it just seems like you can't live without him plus he is the father of your child but you also have to think about yourself in this case. You need to be emotionally stable for your good and the good of your child. Time heals all wounds trust me. I felt like I couldn't bear the pain when i broke it off with the father of my child but with time things got better and I stopped worrying about where he is, if he's being faithful to me or if he's seeing another woman.
You only know of the lady he has kids with and he was cheating with but who is to say there are no other women out there he's sleeping around with. Try to surround yourself with friends who are positive and take time to play with your kid to take your mind of him. when you are sure of yourself and remain strong the time will come when a man who deserves you and your son will want to remain in your lives without running around on you guys.I know I don't know you at all but if you do need anyone to listen or talk to you can blog me. Hope this helps :-)
@xtinelee (3371)
• Singapore
1 Jun 10
Cheat on you once, shame on him.
Cheat on you twice, shame on you.
I know reality can be harsh, but really, don't use your son as an excuse. If you really love your son, leave. It'll do him better in the long run, than wondering where his dad is all the time. He might not know since he's still young, but one day, he's going to find it out on his own. Why be in a relationship with a man who does not even treasure you or love you? It's not easy, I know.. but no one ever said it was ever going to be.
You can stay, and be paranoid, and go crazy one day, or you can choose to leave, and start afresh with your son. It's your take - your choice. You just need the courage to move on.
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
1 Jun 10
rosie230,
You are someone I would claim as a 'thinker'; but before you decide that this is a compliment, I would tell you that it's more of a comment or observation. I will explain why.
If we have to divide people into two extreme personalities, in this dichotomy of life, it would be 'thinkers' and 'doers'. The former depict people who think (only), but the latter refers to people who do (only). Naturally, most people fall in between. Problems usually arise from those who are nearer to these extreme points.
You are decapitated by your thoughts to such extend that you are basically immobile. In other words, your thinking has disabled you totally. Your attitude towards life synonymously reflects your situation in love - your fear of 'risk/lost' is masked by fortifying yourself in this ivory tower of intellectual retreat, analyzing from an apex, which you feel safe from the noisy rumbles of the world below your view. You comfort yourself with the thinking that you 'have the whole picture' but the truth is that your 'full picture' is the real distortion of the 'real picture'. As the saying goes, the grass is always greener on the other side, you deserve better and I am sure there's no lack of choice.
So for once, learn to do first and think later - walk out!
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
1 Jun 10
well, this is from a guy point of view. first of all 4 yrs is along time and if you have a son with him, if it was me i would be living there no matter what so i can be with my son, i hope he's taking care of his son.
and i never understand why the women always get mad at each other when a dumb dude cheat on both of them, specaily if they didnt know about each other. kind of dumb to me.
and it sound like one reason why he dont want to live with you, then it would be harder for him to cheat. he is having a time of his life, you there at your own place and him in his own. he can do pretty much what he want.
as far as you dont want your son to go through this, well your son will learn as he get older this is how a man treats a woman. you dont want that.
but yeah your boy friend does what 65% of so call men do, they do wrong and turn it around to make its like your fault and make you feel bad, so you will keep taking him back over and over again. dont feel bad you didnt cheat on him.
and the reason why people say that about you, if he cheat once there is a really good chance he will cheat again and again. so i am going to tell you like i tell other women kick his sorry a$$ to the curb and move on and get rid of the zero and get yourself a hero someone your son can look up too, and make sure your man pay child support as well. if he was man enough to make a baby then he should be man enough to support his son.
yeah some so call worthless men are that worthless
@charylady (419)
• Philippines
1 Jun 10
you realize that he is using you yet you choose to stay in the relationship. is it because you really love the guy or you don't want the other girl to win? if you really want what is best for your son, i think now is the time to walk away from your irresponsible boyfriend. it seems very unlikely that he will commit to you and his son.
@watergirl (567)
• Philippines
1 Jun 10
I guess the problem is that your boyfriend is not ready for a commitment. I'd hate to tell you but no amount of forgiveness and understanding on your part can change this. Unless he can commit to being your man and your son's father, your relationship will not work. He has to make a choice. If he doesn't, YOU will have to make the difficult decision. You can wait on him and feel sorry and guilty if you can't seem to please him. Talk to him about your feelings and expectations of your relationship: What are you to him? What is he to you? If you're up to it, you can go through counseling. Also, sort out your own priorities. I don't want to talk about the philosophies of love. Love is never easy but you're young and beautiful and have many years ahead to experience love.
@janron29 (266)
• Philippines
1 Jun 10
I can emphatize with you as a wife and a mother. Don't let your emotions overcome your decisions in life. I understand that you are heels over head in love with him. Does he deserve the love that you give him? You can have a better life ahead of you. Make a decision that can be good both of you and for your child. I remember that my mother told me that the most painful experience in her life was when he learned that my father was having an affair with another woman. Prayers will be the answers to your problems. Ask God for guidance.
