Love develops; it does not happen. Or, is it different for men and women?

I am also a diehard romantic jaiho and I can write a thesis on the Mills and Boon novels that I have read so far.But real love that we find in our life, the one we share with our husbands in a good marriage does not happen ina jiffy,.It takes years to develop.

Jaiho! I had left acomment for you in your best response about your singing and dancing.Did you see it?

oh dear,haven't seen/read it...im going to check for it now

To add on to what I said...love at first sight does happen....and it's mostly infatuation or crushes....some of these develop into love when the two people concerned get to know each other better.

So, what has happened as 'love' [though based on infatuation] does develop into true everlasting love.However, you say that this is more of an exception than the rule. Sorry SV for the late comment.

I agree with you SV!

'small' mid seems to be a great and wise mind too Deepak. YOu have summed it up very beautifully. It is indeed a tender feeling that has to be mutually nurtured and if both parties are not in it on equal footing then the ground this stands on wobbles.. Thanks a lot for coming back to mylot an d participating in my discussion.

Oh my Gosh! Kala! It appears to me as you were waiting for my response. The moment I finished submitting my response and moved ahead, I saw a notification in my mail box, informing me that my response has been commented. Thanks for your kind words of appreciation. Equal participation is must, else love cannot strengthen.

THat was a wonderful repsonse and I gree with you fully.Welcome to the forum and I am happy that you have chosen to write this response .

Thanks for that wonderful response too setsuna. I have not seen much of you for the past few days? How are you? Hope all is well at your end.And as you had very well written, love develops over a period of time. Men and women have different ways of showing their love . True.

Welcome to the forum and thanks a lot for sharing that cute story.God bless them and may their romance keep developing and flourshing.

How can women alone be blamed drannh? I do admit thatsometimes it may be the case but there are many factors that make something go wrong.

I am not saying that women are in ANY way deserving of the blame, only that that is what happens. I look at any of the world's literature proves that it has been that way for a very long time, and current events tell us not much has changed. Alas.

Thanks bjcyrix for dropping by; it is quite some time since I saw your post.Or i must have forgotten or missed out on soemthing--am not sure. Don't we know that love has to develop?--we are all in arranged marriages and if someone has to say that we fell in love on first sight it is farfetched.We just did not object to how the person looked or conducted himself/herself and decided to take the plunge once it was fixed by our parents.We just relied on God to take care of the marriage. and of course it has to eb admitted thta we had greater toelrance levels thna the present day youngsters.

Thanks for adding your views to the discussion . Of course there are different kinds of love; but ,the love between friends, relatives, and partners does develop over a period of time with proximity and understanding.

hi kalav, thanks for the response,true love will develop regularly ,there is no end to love,have a nice day

Hi Paula1 As soon as I started thIS discussion ,you were on my thoughts and I felt that you would come out with an excellent response.you have proved my hunch and i thank you very much for the wonderful repsonse.'bumping into walls!. And how right you are when you say that you know all about the person, feel mad like hell at times but still caring as though you care for oneself!Great response!

Thanks alot Rose for peeping in to respond.What you say is absolutely true; trust is indeed the cementing factor in true love.If one person is straightforward and the other person is manipulative or plays games can there be true love between them? It would get very difficult isn't it? There is only one point that I would like to disagree upon.We have to love a person warts and all.This'proper advice and guidance' does not know its limits and then love becomes conditional Rose.'Advice and guidance does not work among adults.It becomes a bit difficult and also invasion.Only people can be within broad norms .

True romance , as you call it,happens in a flash predoinantly in books and films Kiran.And what you say is absolutely true. THere needs to be proper interaction at various intellectual levels and if there is an intellectual gap there must be at least understanding and respect .THen true love can develop.It is hot here too Kiran but there were some showers at midnight yeaterday for a few minutes. Hope the rain GOd smiles on us this year.YOur tulip photograph was a treat to the eyes and now this is my desktop picture.

Yes very true kala! Just to cite an example someone known to me got married to a christian boy and all of us advised her that she should sort out many things before marriage like where to have the wedding and other matters regarding faith.Kala, we may be very broad minded in our outlooks and views regarding religion but these issues become major obstacles later on in life.The girl probably didnt think it mattered and she got the first shock when 2 weeks before the wedding the boy insisted that they should have a church wedding along with the registered one.But she agreed and later told him that he too should attend a satya narayana pooja at their home, which he and his family declined . This led to a massive misunderstanding and when their son was born and he insisted on converting both of them she walked out of his place , and now the girl has divorced him( this happened 2 years ago). I am only pointing out that this is what she thought was love.If she had any sense she would have come to know all about him and his views regarding religion and then decided before hand whether to follow his religion or not.Her husband is a nice person but he is overtly religious...Many such things happen in the name of love and most of the time it is because of our restricted society and a lack of maturity...Kala , the weather mans prediction has not come true, it has not rained here as predicted.Hopefully tonight or tomorrow at least ...I too loved that picture of tulips, such lovely soft colors ...

Kala, we have to live life according to our set standards and convictions and not others...so when you are not comfortable doing a certain thing it is best not to do it, it will be like a thorn pricking you all the time. However I dont see anything wrong in Inter religious marriages, but it needs careful and mature handling, not just rushing into it without any forethought and later regretting it for life like my relative did...As of now the situation is beyond repair and the ultimate sufferer is her little son who is missing out on his father's love and care... Kala, the predicted rain has not yet come.I dont understand how the weather man has been so misled...Hopefully we will see some respite at least in a couple of days...

You decide rationallly thta you will not hurt him but behind this rationale is your feeling, oyour love for your partner that does not wish you to hurt him isn't it? THe choice may be rational but is it not rooted in love? Essentially you are trying to say that love would not make a person impulsively hurt another . You use your mind , pause a bit and decide on the course of action. But if it were someone else, for whom you have no emotional attachment/love then you may not hesitate too hurt the person isn't it?

It's your belief that it's the feeling behind my rationale, but as I've learned more about myself, and how I figure things out, it's the other way around --- it's the rationale behind the feeling. You can say that I'm one of those few people who never let their emotions control them, using their logical thinking mind instead. AND YES, the logic is rooted in love. But love (for me) is never defined by feelings. And as for your last statement ---- that could be true, IF I didn't choose to "love" the person. There are people around me that I honestly do not like --- but because I want to "love" them (as an acquaintance at least, if not a friend) --- I would never let my negative feelings for that person control me in my actions and behavior towards them. But of course, not everyone is like me. Some claim that they prefer to follow their "heart" (I think what they mean is "emotions / feelings"). I don't. If I based my love on how I feel and not what I think, my relationships would never last.

To make it simpler, I make the choice whether to feel something for someone or not. I make the choice whether to fall in love or not. I know we all differ on this one.

The moment I read your response I took an inspired guess that you must be above 35 years.Your profile proved my hunch. I guess we are all middle aged and we would talk like this. I also expect some sort of flagging from youngsters. True.It would be te same for men and women if they are middleaged.Youngsters may think otherwise.Let us wait and see.

I understood exactly what you were trying to say [hope I live up to your expectations] and for fate changing things drastically, this is where God's hand comes in. What has to happen ultimately will happen. THanks Vijayanths for the participation.

Well. Women may also fall in love at first sight isn't it? However, I do agree thta women take a longer time to choose.