journey

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as i was seated on the bus this morning, i never realized that my thoughts were travelling back to one of my painful memories of my life... the one who will hurt you the most is the one whom you love the most - it was about my father's betrayal. wish i never knew the reality that my father had another family. i was deeply hurt that time, seeing my mother silently crying and trying to get over that situation. i felt so helpless because i was hurting, and at the same time, i couldn't do anything to ease my mother's pain. under that circumstances, the feeling of "hating my father" was born. and hating him even more and blaming him became more and more easier for me to do, specifically when we are suffering from financial crisis, because we thought that if he had only supported us, we wouldn't have to put up with lots of debts. i endured this agony for years. time heals all wounds - i prayed and prayed and prayed to let me be free from this anguish. i never wanted my sorrow to defeat me and unleash the monster personality out of me. as time goes by, i just realize that there are no perfect things in life. and there are also things that is really hard to explain, and all i just need to do is accept it. lessons learned the hard way - looking back, i regretted that i hurled lots of insults to my father just because i was so angry at him. i just wished i could turn back time and understand and accepted everything as it is. i was so deeply hurt that i didn't realize that he just let me say everything i wanted to say because he knows that i wouldn't understand the situation no matter how many times he explains it to me. i don't know if he'll get to read this, but if he does, i just want you to know that you taught me to be a good person and through you, i was able to learn to love unconditionally. it was really tough growing without a father image beside me and my two sisters but, we made it through, we grew up strong and fearless. and that's the best gift that you gave us, aside from giving us a chance to let us see this world. thank you tatay, we love you.