life life life life ..

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Sometimes I feel like I have the best in life , sometimes I feel like life has taken the best of me..I'm tired of throwing my problems to my friends & family and i'm tired of throwing then to myself. Life is up and down for me . I hate feeling one way , then feelings another. Depression come and go. I have my highs and lows with my moods. Im so stressed out & bitter. I lost my grandmother on mothers day , and everything else seems to just fall down on me . I cry , but i want to be stronger than my tears ...life is REAL . NO JOB ,FULL TIME STUDENT. !! ughh..I pray to God that I make it through ..it's hard & Im just trying to overcome it..Im stressing over my ex boyfriend who I still love... now him and I are not together , he's with another girl & Im still trying to get over that..I love him so much though & it's so so so hard..I still talk to him and still have deep feelings but it will never be the same as him and I. I guess the hard part about that is ,when I wanted to keep still being friends but the benefits came along too .!! ughh it hurts to stop talking to him , but I know I have to sooner or later..the more I try , the more I think about it && the only way im happy is when Im talking to him !!! ughh MyLot please help ..lol ! I dont want to sound crazy , but this is life and im just trying to make it. :) thanks.