For Parents: Is it ok for you to have favoritism?Do you have a favorite child?
By dierdre
@dierdre (2207)
Philippines
June 8, 2010 9:38pm CST
Im not a parent yet, but i thought of this topic coz in our household, there are only three of us in here, my mom passed away back in the year 2000. Back then i was close to my mom. Now im kinda close to my dad as well, but not the type that i would open up my problems, he's not that understanding in the 1st place. So basically, i now noticed that he favors my 33 y. old brother, since we are in a feud for many months now. Whenever he ruins my stuff, my dad doesnt wanna discipline him and instead gets mad at me for being 'suspicious' when i tell him what he did. Why is he like that? Well, my bro's the breadwinner. So all i can do to protect my stuff is to hide or seal them in boxes if im not going to use them anymore, since he hacks the combination lock. So now im asking you what are your views on favoritism? Do you have a favorite child yourself? And is it justified that just because a child brings in money, the parent should be lenient to that child as well? To the point of being unfair?
1 person likes this
3 responses
@animemisa (130)
• Philippines
9 Jun 10
I understand that it's very unfair if our parents favors one of our brothers or sisters. But we need to understand our parents. They are human being too. Just like any one of us, we have faves too like in music, color, food, etc. If our mom/dad likes one of their children, think about the good things that they have that you don't have. And would it be unfair for them too if I say that I like my dad than my mom?
1 person likes this
@dierdre (2207)
• Philippines
9 Jun 10
Nice point you got there. Yes, even we children are not spared from having a favorite parent. You are right when you said that they are only human. I think that it's natural to have favorites as well. But sometimes, the favoritism tends to get overboard when they become unfair and refuse to discipline the erring child, and they refuse to hear you out. Now that can be a real bummer. Its acceptable for me if they were more fond of a certain child, but if the favoritism clouds their judgement and gets in the way of logical reasoning, then that is not acceptable anymore.
@annjilena (5618)
• United States
9 Jun 10
no its not ok but it happens it happen in my family my parents had picks in the family it was 9 of us and my dad favored the boys more then the girls.didn,t try to teach us girls how to drive and lay buicks and many other things and they was younger then the girl.
@dierdre (2207)
• Philippines
9 Jun 10
What is 'lay buiks?' or you mean 'lay bricks'? Sorry to hear that that happens in your family. I hope when those brothers of yours are doing something bad to you and your fellow sisters, they wont go to the extent that they will stick with your brothers even if they are clearly wrong. But in the matter where they get extra attention like they where the ones who were taught how to drive and lay bricks, maybe they just taught them because they were boys, and they dont want the girls in your family doing work that they perceive are for guys only?
@jessje (145)
• United Kingdom
9 Jun 10
I love my sons equally,but find it easier to be with the oldest. My youngest is suspected of having autism and therefor is difficult to interact with and he has problems with unexpected things.
He's only 20 months, so it will be a long time before they can test him, but that there is something not completely normal with him.
The oldest is extremely outgoing, happy and easygoing so its a lot of difference between the two of them.
I love them both but in different ways (which does not mean I love my oldest more than my youngest, it's just different) and I'm doing my best to never let them notice it.
My father loved my sister a lot more than he loved me, he brought her back a golden bracelet and necklace from his vacation and I got a silver ring. My sister used to get 150 euro for her birthday, I would get 10 (If i was lucky and got something at all) This hurts a child a lot, and I've broken all contact with him and I'm happy about that.
@dierdre (2207)
• Philippines
9 Jun 10
Oh sorry to hear that you've experienced unfair treatment in your family as well. Regarding material things, only 1 incident came to mind when i thought if that ever happened to me, it was when my dad got him a new cellphone, and i had to use his old one. I made it known though that i was bothered by it, i was only 15 y. old that time. Other than that incident, my parents were fair when it comes to giving material gifts. Good thing that the obvious favoritism in your family didnt ruin your relationship with your sister? Regarding your 2 boys, since the youngest is a bit 'different' i would understand if you're much closer and fond of the older one, since he's the more outgoing one, i myself am more talkative compared to my brother, since he's the silent type, so my mom and dad chat with me more as compared to him. And since you also experienced that in your family, im pretty sure you'll be careful to show any sign of favoritism to your 2 children.
