Do you ever feel like your partners maid?
By MoodyLauz
@MoodyLauz (62)
June 11, 2010 4:15am CST
When I met my partner a few years ago as is always the case (I think!) trying to impress each other, everything we did household wise tended to be shared. For example he would cook one night and I would cook another meaning everything sort of balanced out and was good.
Then we moved in together and the shift of things started to change and I started to take on more and more responsibilites even though I was in my final year of Uni and working part time. I let it slide as he had finished Uni and although working was in the process of looking for his proper career. However, since we lived with other people the houshold chores were minimal as all tasks were shared.
When we started living together alone all of a sudden I started doing everything and I have started to feel like his maid. It's even gotten to the point where he says 'I'm thirsty' and I go and get him a drink which if I try to hand it to him if its easier, I get whinged at and I have to put it on the coffee table.
It hasnt mattered if I have been unemployed, working part time, full time or even working more hours than my partner I do all the household stuff from cleaning and cooking to making all the teas and coffees. At times I find that this does stress me out but when I talk to him about it his attitude is very much that he has the most important job and earns the most money so he shouldnt have to do it and also that its not his place to do it. I find his attitude completely old fashioned and annoying but since I love him to pieces I tend to just grin and bare it.
Do you think its a womans place to do all the household stuff or do you think it should be shared?
Do you do all the household chores for your partner and are you happy about it? If you share the tasks how do you do it?
Do you have any tips to get my partner to do some things around the house?
6 responses
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
11 Jun 10
There came a point where i was ordering my girlfriend all the time and i didn't even notice it. Maybe you talk to him about this cuz he might be in the same phase as i was. That talk might pull him back into thinking clearly.
@MoodyLauz (62)
•
11 Jun 10
Yeah that could maybe work but since its a point I have brought up before I'm not convinced it will work as I dont think its a phase. I think its almost something to do with how he was brought up.
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
12 Jun 10
Oh. Well, it really hit me in the gut when she talked to me about it. Maybe if you bring it up again he'll feel the same.
@MoodyLauz (62)
•
11 Jun 10
I once came up with the idea of making a schedule and he wasnt very pleased with it. I thought it was a good way to share the chores but he didnt think so!
@laratri (253)
• India
11 Jun 10
hi...
I believe that household chores must be shared. Even if your partner is the one who shares most financially. since we lived with other people the houshold chores were minimal as all tasks were shared.
@pamela267 (45)
•
11 Jun 10
My partner is exactly the same i've tried everything cant seem to get him to help not even sure he know's how to switch kettle on lol yet if somebody else ask s him to do something for them he does it and it bugs me as the only one doing anything for him is me yet he'll do nothing for me or the kids but i aslo think the longer u do everything the less chance you have of getting him to do it It's called getting took for granted
@MoodyLauz (62)
•
11 Jun 10
Yeah thats a way to put it. It's like when I've been away from him hes more appreciative when I come back but within a couple of days its back to how it was.
@jessicaryan18 (212)
• Philippines
12 Jun 10
hi moodylauz,,, this is unfair.. i told u.. as u see u are starting to notice this situation.. its because you know for yourself that what you are doing is too much.. i am saying this to you because i am once in this situation also and as day goes by i became unhappy so one day i just broke down and start crying and getting hysterical but i can say its my fault.. why did i let him do this to me a long time ? we talked and after that he changed a lot and treat me as partner not a maid so its your turn now.. time to talk to him about this but please do it in a nice and loving ways ok? have a nice day!
@wickedspies (965)
• United States
11 Jun 10
I can honestly say I have the same problem. I don't do a lot of chores at my house but I have two roommates who barely work whereas im always at work so my take on it is that since they basically can sit around all day everyday why not just do some more chores.
I do believe that you should talk to him about it. Ask him why things aren't getting done like they used to and tell him that you need some help. Try not to get angry about it, that's the hardest part, because nothing will come of it. Its a touchy subject to deal with as both or all parties involved really in the end don't want to do anything, the thing is we all know we have to.
Honestly I don't think he is taking advantage of you, but since your doing it without a fight maybe he just thinks that's how you like to get things done. I dunno its really not fair to speak for other people. So talk to him, tell him you love him, and tell him your gunna make him sleep on the couch until he cleans. lol! jk.
Hope things work out for ya'll.
- Scott
@MoodyLauz (62)
•
11 Jun 10
Yeah its definitley a touchy subject more for methough . He's not much of a talker which often ends up with me getting angry as I dont get a response to my problems. Wish I could afford a cleaner or something lol!
Like the idea of him being made to sleep on the couch! Thats a good plan lol.
