Is talking on the phone.....Cheating? (^^,)
@Aphroditei_5279 (2465)
Philippines
June 13, 2010 1:18pm CST
Disclaimer: I don't need bible quotes on cheating ha...I am Christian, so I know where to refer to for it....I just need a human opinion...on this topic...a sensible response if possible... or advice...Thank you very much in advance... (^^,)
I have this situation where this long lost friend, a former co-worker, just recently rekindled with me. I think we haven't seen each other since 2004 or 2005. So almost four or five years ago, and he was like my trainee back then. But he somehow hinted that he liked me. But, as I moved on and finished my contract. He got transferred to another branch. We never really came to a clear understanding. He was nice, a bit too confident and flirty. But he didn't made any clear intentions. So I never really took him seriously.
During this past years, we came in contact. We exchanged some messages. He would called sometimes. But I didn't again took him seriously; especially when he told me he got married...
To his long high school girlfriend, who gave birth to his son. So, wow, he was a player, really, my intuitions, were right. But he claimed that they were not together when we met before.
But nevertheless, we got a good friendship. And recently, during this summer vacation, he kept calling me. Well, it was more easy to talk to him. Because, I knew he was joking around, but really loved his wife. We talked about them. I gave him advices on marriage and children.
But something ticked me off last Tuesday. I was telling, seeking advice to him about a girl friend of mine, who bumped into her ex-boyfriend who is married. But during the flow of their relationship, they never talked about him leaving his wife or vice versa. It was a Love relationship I think in the wrong time. So now, she was having second thoughts, coming back to that relationship...etc...
Well, to make the story short, he told me, that the relationship that my girl friend had, was like me and him...AAAhhh!!!
"And we were doing nothing wrong, by just talking on the phone. And we knew our limitations."
I never thought of it that way. I suddenly realized, maybe it was wrong that I entertained his calls. I thought he was a friend. But I never thought that he was having the idea we were having something. And when he told me, his wife wasn't happy to hear about me, all the time. I got very worried. 
And I even told him, he wasn't cheating, yes, because we never saw each other. But, talking on the phone, and him, thinking sometimes, that if he wasn't married to her, it might have been me. I don't think it's right. And he just laughed, because I got all so serious. And he replied, he would never let anything happened between us. He knew his limitations.
As I am writing, my phone is ringing. I haven't answered his calls since the other day. And as of today, he already called twice in the afternoon, twice in the evening, and around 10 pm I think thrice....I haven't answered them. I don't feel like he knows what he is doing. I know, that not all calls or talking on the phone is cheating, but, if it bothers his wife that he is talking and mentioning me often. It bothers me too. :-(
What are your views? Is talking on the phone considered as a way of cheating?
If I were his wife, I would be bothered, but I would have love to know that friend he is talking too or mentioning. But if his wife, is bothered or annoyed about it, I also fear, she is not thinking of it as only friendship.....ssiigghh...
This topic is not about what is right or wrong, or pointing fingers. Because, we have our own life and opinions.
What bothers me in this, is that we may not have the same intentions. And it will be sad to loose a friend, but if I have to, to make this stop, I will...I don't want him to believe I share the same feelings, which I don't...
Do you agree with him? He is doing nothing wrong? It is not cheating? Is it only talking on the phone? (^^,)
To his long high school girlfriend, who gave birth to his son. So, wow, he was a player, really, my intuitions, were right. But he claimed that they were not together when we met before.
But nevertheless, we got a good friendship. And recently, during this summer vacation, he kept calling me. Well, it was more easy to talk to him. Because, I knew he was joking around, but really loved his wife. We talked about them. I gave him advices on marriage and children.
But something ticked me off last Tuesday. I was telling, seeking advice to him about a girl friend of mine, who bumped into her ex-boyfriend who is married. But during the flow of their relationship, they never talked about him leaving his wife or vice versa. It was a Love relationship I think in the wrong time. So now, she was having second thoughts, coming back to that relationship...etc...
Well, to make the story short, he told me, that the relationship that my girl friend had, was like me and him...AAAhhh!!!"And we were doing nothing wrong, by just talking on the phone. And we knew our limitations."
I never thought of it that way. I suddenly realized, maybe it was wrong that I entertained his calls. I thought he was a friend. But I never thought that he was having the idea we were having something. And when he told me, his wife wasn't happy to hear about me, all the time. I got very worried.
And I even told him, he wasn't cheating, yes, because we never saw each other. But, talking on the phone, and him, thinking sometimes, that if he wasn't married to her, it might have been me. I don't think it's right. And he just laughed, because I got all so serious. And he replied, he would never let anything happened between us. He knew his limitations.
As I am writing, my phone is ringing. I haven't answered his calls since the other day. And as of today, he already called twice in the afternoon, twice in the evening, and around 10 pm I think thrice....I haven't answered them. I don't feel like he knows what he is doing. I know, that not all calls or talking on the phone is cheating, but, if it bothers his wife that he is talking and mentioning me often. It bothers me too. :-(
What are your views? Is talking on the phone considered as a way of cheating?
If I were his wife, I would be bothered, but I would have love to know that friend he is talking too or mentioning. But if his wife, is bothered or annoyed about it, I also fear, she is not thinking of it as only friendship.....ssiigghh...
This topic is not about what is right or wrong, or pointing fingers. Because, we have our own life and opinions.
What bothers me in this, is that we may not have the same intentions. And it will be sad to loose a friend, but if I have to, to make this stop, I will...I don't want him to believe I share the same feelings, which I don't...
Do you agree with him? He is doing nothing wrong? It is not cheating? Is it only talking on the phone? (^^,)5 people like this
22 responses
@rosie230 (1704)
•
13 Jun 10
Well sounds like you are irritated by it all, and I think I would be too. If I was his wife I would not be happy about this. Basically I think that that he is on the wrong and should have told you his intentions from the start. I mean you thought that he was just a friend, but he obviously thought that you were a bit more to him, since you say he had limitations. It is unfair on both you and his wife, and he could cause some trouble there, which would not be your fault. Maybe what you need to do is explain the situation to him, and tell him how you feel, if he understands he will text or talk to you only as a friend, but if he gets funny about it, then he probably wont contact you again. The thing is, you are his friend and that is all you want from him. He must respect this, and he must respect his wife. I hope you get it all sorted though.
3 people like this
@Aphroditei_5279 (2465)
• Philippines
14 Jun 10
Hi Rosie! How are you? Thank you for your response ha. And yes, I was very irritated. and it wasn't funny at all, when I got to realize he was thinking we had something special going on. As much as we sometimes, joked or tell stories about it, but I never thought he was serious. Because he would always retract back to how he love his wife etc...etc..But I think that, he got the wrong ideas, because I was answering his call. I never thought that keeping up with an old friend; would be or can be a reason that will upset his wife, and because, he was really having other intentions. I haven't spoke to him yet. But I will surely clear all things up. I just like him as a friend. And it is not fair and right to put his wife in such an ugly situation. I think some men don't really change much.. (^^,)
(^^,)
@Christmas2006 (1661)
• United States
13 Jun 10
His first priority and his respect should first be to his wife and you say she knows and is upset, it obviously does not bother him or he would have stoped this himself rather then pursuing it. Also he should know by your not answering his calls that you have decided to cancel this friendship and by his calling he is still continuing. You have closed the door and their is no need to reopen it so I would keep it closed. He doesn't need an explanation he has it, his wife can explain it to him. Sounds to me that it is a good thing you didn't get serious years ago, you could be in his wife's place and she could be the one on the other end of the "i know my limitations." Sounds like he likes to "Play with fire" and see how long he can hold the 'match' without getting burned. Also sounds like he only cares about himself. Please, for your own peace of mind and heart, keep this door closed.
2 people like this
@Christmas2006 (1661)
• United States
14 Jun 10
I think if we admit it we have all done foolish things that we want to 'beat our selfs' up for. Also none of us are angels, we all have some 'horns' supporting those angel halo's!!!! Glad to hear he hasn't called and that you haven't talked to him. School starting sounds like a good 'new beginning', don't look back on the past and the regrets, but look forward to your's and your daughter's future.
I made bread the other day too, and had JUST enough to finish! Wasn't sure I was going to make it. I have made it before and had to call my daughter and get flour from her to finish. Now if I think I am low, I premeasure to be sure I have enough, except for the other day, I didn't think it was that low. Well, guess it wasn't because I made 2 pumpkin pies after the bread. Today I have to make banana bread as I have 6 very ripe banannas. I have already bought another bag of flour so am all set.
Best of luck to you in school.
1 person likes this
@Aphroditei_5279 (2465)
• Philippines
15 Jun 10
So true, I was very foolish to believe he was genuine and a good friend. But happily, before things went too far, the truth was unvailled and I still have my senses, Thank goodness...
And yes, especially now, I have my last year to finish my degree. I have no time for fooling around. And I don't think I would be happy with such a cheating coward user type of guy...
It was a long day today at school, very tiring. But my daughter was excited to see her classmates and be back to school. We made pizzas last last week I think. And my sister gave me two thumbs up. She really love it. She is thankful to you so much, because you were so nice to share your recipe. And she couldn't believe the cinnamon rolls where made from the same dough. Oh, by the way, did I told you I made it syrupy. I used the pineapple extract, add the brown sugar, the cinnamon, some vanilla and butter. And added the raisins at the last minute. It is sort of a candy like mixture. Still messy. But my sister loved it...
Thank you too for your advices ha. Always take care Christmas!!! *big hugs*
And yes, especially now, I have my last year to finish my degree. I have no time for fooling around. And I don't think I would be happy with such a cheating coward user type of guy...
It was a long day today at school, very tiring. But my daughter was excited to see her classmates and be back to school. We made pizzas last last week I think. And my sister gave me two thumbs up. She really love it. She is thankful to you so much, because you were so nice to share your recipe. And she couldn't believe the cinnamon rolls where made from the same dough. Oh, by the way, did I told you I made it syrupy. I used the pineapple extract, add the brown sugar, the cinnamon, some vanilla and butter. And added the raisins at the last minute. It is sort of a candy like mixture. Still messy. But my sister loved it...
Thank you too for your advices ha. Always take care Christmas!!! *big hugs*@Aphroditei_5279 (2465)
• Philippines
14 Jun 10
Hi my dear Christmas! I am beating myself up for having foolishly believed in such a so naive thinking. And yes, you are so right, he was like that years back. So I really didn't think about it seriously. I just thought he was just kidding around, teasing, flirting. And when I scolded him for his behavior. He would just laughed and say that he was only teasing me. But when I narrated my girl friend's story. I was so surprised he somehow, said WE had similarities to that. It was like my head turned upside down. And yes, when he said that I might have been his wife, instead of her. I answered him, what made him so sure about it? I liked him back then. But I was and still am a separated woman. And that time, or now, I don't have plans to have a husband. Especially not him. He even said that he was just calling an old friend. And that's how he described me to his wife. But I think it is not fair to for me too, to be viewed as the other woman, especially I don't have any intentions to be with him. He is arrogant, boastful, funny, yes, but...I don't even imagine myself in that situation with him. Oh MY! I am not an angel. But, I was shocked, he thought we had something going on. And I also felt bad, when it hit me, that his wife was upset. And as a woman, I know, what she might be thinking. And I just want to scream. It is so true, if he loves his wife and respects her, she being upset, is a sign that he should stop talking to me. And reflect on what he is doing.
He hasn't called today. And I am not in the mood too to talk to him yet. Especially I have school starting tomorrow. But I am sad, upset, irritated and angry with him.
Oh by the way, sorry, if I can't send you an email about it. I was so busy. I tried to cook bread the other day. But in the middle of everything ran out of flour. So it was all sticky, and I had to let it rise on the counter. They rise so well, but in the middle of cooking, they all fell. But the bread was more moist and soft, and crispy...LOL...I have so many things to tell more about what I did with the recipe. Hopefully, when I have time this week. I will write you soon...Hugs my dear Christmas.....(^^,)
@GardenGerty (160883)
• United States
13 Jun 10
You are not cheating, but he is, because he is not being loyal to his wife's feelings. For some people it is not cheating unless there is physical contact, but to me, this is even worse than physical contact, his heart is not staying with his wife. He knows it, as well and already has it all rationalized out. Your girlfriend is not asking your advice, but I would give it here as well. Her boyfriend, or male friend, is cheating, and if he would cheat with her, he would later cheat on her.
2 people like this
@Aphroditei_5279 (2465)
• Philippines
14 Jun 10
Thank you GardenGerty! I know that I had only friendship in that relationship. And yes, I felt bad, about him calling me. But he said before his wife knew about me. And was okay with him and his old friends. But when the comment about his wife being upset lately, slipped out. I really felt like my world turned upside down. And he was assuming that we had something. Oh My! I was feeling guilty, even though I know I did nothing. But I felt bad and sad for his wife. I understand now, that she is thinking of something and it is not right. I am glad you pointed it out that even without physical contact, but your heart being away is still cheating. I totally agree on that. I was naive to think he was only calling, talking, just having a conversation with an old friend...
(^^,)
(^^,)
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
13 Jun 10
What if it was your husband? How would it make you feel? It would bother me if my husband was doing all that. One thing I am learning is that it is really difficult for guys to just be friends. they are not equipped emotionally that way even though they say it.. they just aren't built for it. Sorry, but telling someone the truth is being a true friend...
2 people like this
@Aphroditei_5279 (2465)
• Philippines
14 Jun 10
Thank you Macdingolinger! I think I fell into an inner mind where I still believe in the goodness of all men...hmmm....And yes, proven, again, that guy friends, are not really always there for friendship. I think that, if it was my husband. I wouldn't mind, especially if they haven't met each other or set a date, especially when the distance don't permit it easily. And I had differences with my ex-husband, but not about another woman. He also had girl friends, but the difference maybe is that I met and knew them too. So I thought she knew about me, and how we were friends for years. But when he told me, she was upset one time about it. It hit me, that she was thinking of something else. And I felt bad to that in a way, I have upseted her. I would have love to know her and meet her. So she will know me. And yet, how, can I point fingers on her husband's behavior. I scolded him so many times. But, I think I am used to him always joking. It didn't occurred to me he was thinking of us, as having something. I am angry with him actually and sad..because...I had no intentions at all..I thought he was my friend... (^^,)
(^^,)
@bystander (2292)
• Philippines
12 Jul 10
well, my friend, you posted quite a longish discussion topic... and i fully agree with you and disagree with your "resurrected" friend... his rationalization is self-serving and is clearly meant to pursue an unfinished business of his... cheating is cheating, no matter how you look at it... no amount of reasoning, placating and otherwise, can change that... if one is honest with his or herself, even an intention, a bad thought is a form of cheating... how about cheating one's self with self-moralizing?
on a lighter side, i am back... how are you, my friend... you seem too prosaic for comfort...
@Aphroditei_5279 (2465)
• Philippines
18 Jul 10
Hi my friend! So happy to see you back! I was really looking forward to your response. And yes you're so right! I had planned before to talk about it and clarify things up. But ever since I posted this discussion; I haven't answered his calls and he eventually stopped. He sometimes sent a quote, but I think he got the message. And don't worry, comforting words are always welcomed...Especially that I felt a fool to believe in his good intentions. I know, that it was juvenile of me, but it caught me off guard. I am not the righteous girl next door, but I really didn't want or thought about him as more than as a friend...Well, moving on, hehhhehe, I have been busy with school. I am in my last year now, hopefully, and thesis writing and researching with all the lectures etc...are a lot of things I still try to juggle up. But I am happy. Life is good. It's not always a smooth sail. But it's still great. How about you my friend? Looking forward to hear from you soon..(^^,)
and thesis writing and researching with all the lectures etc...are a lot of things I still try to juggle up. But I am happy. Life is good. It's not always a smooth sail. But it's still great. How about you my friend? Looking forward to hear from you soon..(^^,)@Aphroditei_5279 (2465)
• Philippines
2 Aug 10
It's okay, no harm done my friend. I know you are very busy when you have your writings to do. I was also busy too. We just got over prelims week and still we are bombarded by endless quizzes...But life is still good...even if the body is tired and weary...This phrase of yours makes me smile "i find you interesting and i learn a lot from your insights... thank you, my friend... " I should be the one thanking you. Because I always thought I was quite boring when I am starting to babble on and on and my sister even finds me annoying sometimes.....but instead, I am the one learning from you more than you know. And good conversations, exchanging insights, experiences, like we do, makes me very very happy. I also learn from you too a lot and you are also very interesting...and for that, thank you too so much my friend... What did you wrote about in your latest assignment? (^^,)
...but instead, I am the one learning from you more than you know. And good conversations, exchanging insights, experiences, like we do, makes me very very happy. I also learn from you too a lot and you are also very interesting...and for that, thank you too so much my friend... What did you wrote about in your latest assignment? (^^,)@bystander (2292)
• Philippines
2 Aug 10
nearly two weeks since you posted this response... i am sorry, got some intervention i simply can't avoid... it took me a week to work on it... then the week after, my deadline with my magazine in japan... right now, i have some time... so, how are you? i may still have a good two or three days before working on my islamic lifestyle magazine... i wish i could have more time to exchange notes (thoughts) with you... i find you interesting and i learn a lot from your insights... thank you, my friend...
1 person likes this
@hbsalazar (34)
• United States
13 Jun 10
This is most certainly cheating. However, I'd hardly put you at fault for this, since you obviously didn't realize his intentions. Plus, you're also trying to solve the problem, which is an admirable thing to do. I would explain your stance to him. If he seems to keep thinking of the friendship in such a way, I would be more stern about it or possibly sever connections with him. I feel bad for you and the wife.
I hope you solve this.
2 people like this
@Aphroditei_5279 (2465)
• Philippines
14 Jun 10
Hi Hbsalazar! I really thought he was joking. He used to be like that ever since. But wow, I felt really bad, once I realized he was thinking we had something. And especially, when he was scolded by his wife. Because she was annoyed of him mentioning me. On how nice, a friend I was, etc...And I even told him, why do you keep on mentioning me to her. Because, I think there was nothing to tell about me. And as a woman, I was thinking she would not view that very positively; especially we haven't met yet. And when he like, snorted out, that he was even thinking that it could have been us, if they weren't married. I was shocked. It is not right to think of something like that. I felt so bad. And if I only had the phone number of his wife. I would have apologized so much, because, even if her husband is just my friend, for me; I might have hurted her. And I don't like that feeling. And it is unfair, because, I have no such intentions, and yet, she is angry with me. But I understand..
@Aphroditei_5279 (2465)
• Philippines
15 Jun 10
Yes, absolutely. I will definitely cut the ties. (^^,)
@Aphroditei_5279 (2465)
• Philippines
14 Jun 10
He told his wife that he was talking to me. And that I even gave him advices for his son, because of his shots...I don't know what bite him and he kept on mentioning me. And in the last time we talked, as I narrated in my discussion. I didn't liked the way he was talking. Almost like bragging about me to her. I think that's why she got upset. And he also assumed we had something going on. I can't. I can't imagine, what a mess he is putting me into. I am very upset and angry actually...I really should have followed my intuitions on guy friends calling, especially when they have just got married...Gosh...(^^,)
1 person likes this
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
18 Jul 10
not on your part,but if he's ringing your phone that often he might be up to something.
just the fact that he's upsetting his wife i would definetly walk away from the situation.she's probably seeing it as emotional cheating.
even if he has no intentions toward you,what he's doing is cruel to his wife.
1 person likes this
@Aphroditei_5279 (2465)
• Philippines
1 Aug 10
Yup, Qtv did aired the second season I think of the Philippines' version of the Survivor...but it was last last month..I don't know when the new season will be coming but soon maybe...I am not much a fan of the Filipino version..because, I think, Filipinos are not that really challenged in surviving the wild. And choosing model potential athlete jaw dropping hunk and babe..not very much appealing...LOL...I tend to follow the season when all the glamour is worn off and they are getting stressed up with the situation. I think that's where the game begin...(^^,)
I miss too Survivor on 23, it has a better signal, reception than the channel 9...
@Aphroditei_5279 (2465)
• Philippines
1 Aug 10
Oh my so sorry! crappy internet connection..I copied back my lost comment on the wrong discussion...
Anyway,...thank you Scarlet for your response. He is not calling me anymore.It's been two months or so since I posted this discussion. And I just simply avoided him. And I am better off without this kind of double agenda type of friend around. And yes, it is very cruel to his wife. I also thought about it too. And I even pity her to have such a lame husband and she doesn't even know about it. That's sad. (^^,)
Anyway,...thank you Scarlet for your response. He is not calling me anymore.It's been two months or so since I posted this discussion. And I just simply avoided him. And I am better off without this kind of double agenda type of friend around. And yes, it is very cruel to his wife. I also thought about it too. And I even pity her to have such a lame husband and she doesn't even know about it. That's sad. (^^,)
@Aphroditei_5279 (2465)
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
This is the first time I heard of an "emotional affair". And yes, if it is the case, I do understand why his wife felt uncomfortable. Well, ever since, I posted this discussion. I ignored his calls. But lucky me, I got a phone call, that was not register in my phone directory. So I did answered it. Damn! Guess who? Well, as much as I wanted to put him in his rightful place. I couldn't. I just faked to be busy and tired. Or running late for something. And succeedly ignored again his other calls. I don't see the point now talking ot him. I don't want to cause anyone any troubles. And I don't have plans to be his past time of emotional attachement...
(^^,)
(^^,)
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
30 Jun 10
It's been three weeks since this discussion was posted, but I hadn't seen it until just now in my inbox. I think from the way it seems that your friend has deeper more relationshipy intentions then just friendship. The fact that his wife is bothered by this, and the fact he's even told you this, is like a scream for reassurance. I feel like him telling you this is pretty much asking you "Am I really doing something wrong? Am I cheating on my wife?" The fact he claims he not, makes me think that he believes he is, because he has stronger feelings for you, feelings he may think you reciprocate.
The best thing to do is let him know that friends is all you are, and that you'd like to meet his wife and child. It will be an awkward situation, but if he agrees, I think it would help reassure his wife that you are only a friend to the husband, and that's all you want to be. You should try to get to know the wife, and let the husband see that you are just being friends with him and with her. Him seeing you so friendly with his wife might make him realize that your feelings for him were not mutual... That friendship is all you want.
Of course the husband may say no to you meeting his wife, the wife might act distant, but if that happens then drop out of his life, out of their lives...
1 person likes this
@portisray (503)
• Philippines
14 Jun 10
Cheating or not.... Where do you think your friendship could lead to? If he is a friend, from time to time he calls is okay but if MOST of the time, what do you think is that? He should be calling his wife instead of you...
Are you really that comfortable talking to him over the phone or is it just you want to entertain him and happy to talk to him? Cause if you were really bothered in the first place... You shouldn't talk to him... Not even just a text... Where do you think it could lead to, eh?
@jennyze (7028)
• Indonesia
14 Jun 10
Well, there are many man and woman relationship that are platonic. I have several man friends and I always encouraged them to introduce me to their wives. So, I am now friends with their wives, too.
The writer mentioned that she had never considered the man serious, more so after she knows he is married. So I don't think the relationship will go anywhere.
1 person likes this
@Aphroditei_5279 (2465)
• Philippines
14 Jun 10
Portisray!...Wow!...Okay, First, We haven't talked or seen each other for years...So yes, I was happy reconnecting with an old friend. And what did I think that would lead us to? NOTHING...Because, I know he is married. And I don't have any feelings for him. If I didn't took him seriously while he was a single man. How much more now???...
I was not bothered in the first place, because his wife knew about me. I even gave him an advice on what to do when his baby boy has his tetanus toxoid shot. He even showed my picture on Friendster. I haven't met her, because, their wedding was in Isabela. I had no plans to travel to there.
He didn't call me most of the time. He often would called me, like during a week while his unlimited call promo would last....And it was only last month that I noticed it being more frequent. I think it is very different from what you understood.
And please, do give me some credit, why would you assume that friendship would lead or has to lead to something?...Wow...I have other married friends, but, I don't think it is fair not to communicate with them, just because they are married.
The bad side of this, is that he just recently got married, and I haven't met his wife personally yet. Because they are in Laguna now. So I can't blame her to be upset. And he also calls his wife, to check on his baby. And he also go home every night to them. Because he is in Laguna, and I am in Bulacan. And I don't have plans to meet him in anyway or have imagined to have an affair with him.
Yes, I was naive, to believe in just having a conversation with a guy friend, an old friend. He was my trainee back then. But, don't assume, that I would have permitted it to lead to an affair. I am a separated woman, I already had my ups and downs in life. I am older than him, and I think I know myself better than he knows me...Sorry for being a bit sharp, but, it hurts me that you are assuming, that I would have let it lead it to something...Sorry, but, if I wanted too, I would have never posted this discussion...(^^,)
(^^,)@portisray (503)
• Philippines
15 Jun 10
Oh! Well, I didn't know exactly your situation... I am already assuming and am already asking you where do you think it could lead to...
I know guys who will get the attention of girls, then getting more personal, then getting hook with that guy, then.... a lot of possibilities...
Am sorry for being a little sharp too... I guess my mind is so very 'advance' and already assuming...
@gracielle (346)
• Philippines
1 Jul 10
your situation was complicated, yes you did nothing wrong, but there are just things that you can't deal on your own. the wife really are jealous in nature when husbands are being in the center. yes, its just a friendly thing to you but what about the side of the other?. in situations like this you always have to broaden your mind, your understanding, always consider the feelings of the wife, if your friend with his husband, try to make friend with his wife to. its much better if you & the wife will be friends to so that the wife will think of anything bad against you. always put your guard on your limits, and always trust on your instinct, for women were really gifted by instincts. whatever your friendship leads to, always do what is right. there are so many friends in the world that you can share your thoughts too, single, much better. just give some space for the two of you, or it might get worse. make your friend new & understand that the only real thing that is growing in your relationship was only friendship.. emphasized that to him.. its better to be cautious than to be blamed for something you did not do.
1 person likes this
@Aphroditei_5279 (2465)
• Philippines
1 Jul 10
Hi Gracielle! Yes, as I have responded on the first comments before. I have widely, immensely considered the feelings of his wife and son. And as a result of that, I didn't waste time in talking to him again. I think he understands where he stands now. I think I opted for the easy way out. I shut him out of my life, activities as of now. I was very troubled by it when I posted this discussion. But as time went by, with what he thinks or thought of having with me, it's not worth it to continue such friendship. And would love to know his wife, but not for making amends or excuses, because I have nothing or no ill intentions in anyway. So to make the situation easier and more peaceful. I ignored his calls, ignored him, and just treated him as a casual friend. I don't waste my time and trust anymore on people who just are not worth it.....(^^,)
Thank you for your response Gracielle! Have a nice day!
@Buckabee (15)
• United States
10 Jul 10
It sounds like his's intentions maybe that you and him might get to gether some time in the future. So my advise is if you feel like somethings not quite right then stop it....Also as you stated in your letter you would not like it so put your self in his wife's place and follow your inner feelings.
1 person likes this
@Aphroditei_5279 (2465)
• Philippines
18 Jul 10
Hi Buckabee! Yup thank you, I stop actually ever since I got to post this discussion last month. And moved on with t. Never gonna speak to that loser again...welcome to Mylot!(^^,)
@Asylum (47893)
• Manchester, England
14 Jun 10
It would be very difficult for me to give a categoric opinion because I have no way of knowing for certain what is in his mind.
On the face of it I can see no real problem because friendship should not be limited to a person of the same gender. I understand your discomfort concerning his wife's disapproval, but this does not necessarilly mean that she has a correct understanding of the situation.
On the other hand it could be that his intentions are not honourable, in which case he would be guilty of a level of infidelity if only by virtue of desiring to be unfaithful. However, you have no reason to feel guilty in either case since you never had any intention of such a relationship or even suggested it.
It may be an idea to broach the subject with him and make your opinion quite clear, which could resolve any concerns. If you still feel ill at ease with the situation then it may be better to sever any contact for your own peace of mind.
1 person likes this
@Aphroditei_5279 (2465)
• Philippines
15 Jun 10
Hi Asylum! I have missed your writing moving avatar. And thank you for your response. I have not yet spoke to him. But I think I would make this situation clear. And I agree with you that he is still my friend, and friendship should not be only confined to people of the same gender and status. I wasn't seeing anything wrong with having conversations with him. But as some of his intentions, seems very much more than friendship. I am not at ease anymore to continue talking to him. I have no intentions to reciprocate any of his intentions. And I will surely make it clear to him. But not so soon, because, I don't want to talk to him, because I am a bit upset and angry with the situation. But, yes, it has to be resolved and cleared out. For my peace and the peace of his wife. (^^,)
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
14 Jun 10
Now myself someone who is prone to be jealous I WOULD BE UPSET! Especially if I didn't know you or your intentions in speaking with my husband so often KWIM? Or what he had to talk to you about that he couldn't talk to me about as well.
I find it peculiar that someone who is "married" would call so often to chit chat. Especially since your common thread of being co-workers no longer exists he may have other intentions even if he claims he know's his "limitations" just what are those limitations specifically?
1 person likes this
@Aphroditei_5279 (2465)
• Philippines
14 Jun 10
That's so true Snugglebunnies! My bad for believing that I was only entertaining calls from an old friend. And I thought he was seeking advices on his newly married life. Because I am older than him. And I was married before. But yes, I was naive to have thought of it as just a friend calling...You are so right. I am happy though, I realized that he had other intentions. But yet, I am also angry with him...(^^,)
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Jun 10
Aphroditei I think you already know the answer, yes he is cheating 'as he wants you as a phone girlfriend and his wife as a wife, and yes he is cheating by doing this. Now if he had invited you to meet his wife and just wanted you to all three be friends that would not be cheating. but in this his wife has already unhappy about this. I would really break off the talks with him before it comes to him telling you he wants more from you than just phone talks. I would really just put a stop to t his now.
I am not pointing any fingers just saying if I was his wife I would be very upset myself. no really I do not think it is not cheating as he is spending less time with his wife and is being secretive about it too.
I am not pointing any fingers just saying if I was his wife I would be very upset myself. no really I do not think it is not cheating as he is spending less time with his wife and is being secretive about it too.1 person likes this
@Aphroditei_5279 (2465)
• Philippines
14 Jun 10
Hi Hatley! Ssiighhh....The more I read on, the more it reaffirms the doubts I had before. I should have thought about it twice. I feel so...you know...for having thought of it as only two old friends, having conversations, joking, teasing...And I thought, that as long as I wasn't reciprocating any of his words or jokes. We would be on the safe side, the friendship side. And I was confident, his wife knew about me, as a friend from our past years, at work. But, if she is upset now. And what, shocked me the most, he was not secretive about it, because he kept on mentioning me to her. That's why she got upset. It is like he is bragging about me, or building me up. I don't understand really why and what was he telling about me to her. But she was upset and irritated. Of course, I might have fell the same. And I was so naive. I am so angry now. Maybe a bit more to myself...I know, happily, we haven't went that far. Only the calls. But I should have known better. I should have avoided those calls in the first place.. It makes me sad, because, I am not an angel..if I may say...but in that situation I had no intentions whatsoever..and would never even imagine myself with him...And yet, it feels so bad to be somehow, in the bad side of his wife...(^^,)
It makes me sad, because, I am not an angel..if I may say...but in that situation I had no intentions whatsoever..and would never even imagine myself with him...And yet, it feels so bad to be somehow, in the bad side of his wife...(^^,)
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
14 Jun 10
It sounds to me as though he is the one that is not being entirely faithful to his wife by talking to you and having apparent feelings for you that you do not reciprocate. I don’t blame you for seeing him just as a friend to talk to but you have to consider how his partner feels. I am not an overly jealous person but it would bother me if my husband was talking to a woman friend on such a regular basis and flirting with her. I think you should make it very clear that you don’t share the same feelings. I would be inclined to stop the phone calls too.
1 person likes this
@Aphroditei_5279 (2465)
• Philippines
14 Jun 10
I will definitely stop answering his calls Paula. I had my doubts before because I never reciprocated any of his words, or teasing. But seems, like he made up some nonsense, and I don't have any plans to be involve with him. I am so upset...That's why too, I was upset when he told me his wife was upset. I thought she knew me, but seems like the impression she got is totally different. I can't blame her...I will stop answering his calls, yes, after I put him in his right place. (^^,)
1 person likes this
@jennyze (7028)
• Indonesia
14 Jun 10
To me he is full of himself.
I would do the same as you, end the relationship when it bothers his wife too much. It seems he likes to boast on his relationship with you to his wife, even if the relationship in a non existence. What a man.
If he thinks he is romantically involve with you, then talking in the phone is cheating.
1 person likes this
@Aphroditei_5279 (2465)
• Philippines
14 Jun 10
Hi Jennyze! I agree with you, the bad side of this, unlike my other married friends, it is that I have not yet met his wife. And God, I have no plans to have that relationship with him. I think that's when the alarm rang in my head. That it wasn't a simple conversation or two calling old friends on the phone. He was bragging about me. And I don't like it. It is like I was guilty of something, I haven't done, and it pisses me off. I feel bad for his wife. I would have love to talk to her. But, what good would come from it. I think, in those kind of situations, people always points finger on the third party. It makes me so angry to think of it that way. I am angry to him for putting me in that mess. But I don't agree that when a friend gets married; you have to scratch or delete him or her from your phonebook...I am angry with him...
(^^,)
@papabear550 (41)
• Philippines
14 Jun 10
I disagree with him first an foremost yes he is a friend in your view but not in his view, what I mean is he is taking advantage.. Talking to phone is not that bad but so much is bad, if I were his wife I am going to think and know to whom he's calling because its really annoying seeing your husband talking to phone into one woman from time to time... I suggest don't entertain him anymore I know it's hard and sad to loose a friend but he has a life already and you need to go find your own too right?
@Aphroditei_5279 (2465)
• Philippines
14 Jun 10
Hi Papabear! I have yes, my own life, actually, but he is the one always calling. I thought he saw me as a friend he also gets mostly advices and sometimes, I even scolded him for his behavior. His wife knows about me. But we haven't met yet personally. But knowing that she got upset, yeah, it made me sad and I really don't have any intentions. I wish I could talk to her. Siigh..But yes, anyway, I won't be answering his calls. But still, I have to straight things up with him and smash him out of his nonsense. It will be sad to loose a friend, but if that friend will cost me so much trouble, Oh My!...I won't have second thoughts on it...especially he doesn't even play an important role in my life...He might even ruined it..NO WAY..(^^,)
