Mourning the loss of a child

Dat, I didn't get to read your old post. But I am sorry about that miscarriage. I am glad you were able to emerge from it. But you have a tough situation now. Depression is a serious condition. Your wife needs all the support she can receive. Bring her to a doctor. She might need medical attention as well. Dat, your vow is for better or for worse. You're in the worse situation. But you can do it. Pray! Tomorrow will be a better, happier day. You'll see.

I'm so sorry for both of you and your loss. Its always harder for the mom-to-be to get over such a loss. I seriously think she needs to go see a doctor to help her get out of the depression that she is going through. Have you had a heart to heart with her explainng that you both will try again as soon as she is ready. I think its usually six weeks after a miscarriage where she can try to get pregnant again. If you both strive to get to that goal again together maybe this will help her snap out of the depression. In September of this year it will be 33 years since I had a miscarriage and I still think of the loss on the anniversary. So its something that is very hard to get over but getting pregnant again real soon will help her inmmensly. I ended up having my first child in July of the next year which was 10 months after the miscarriage. I wish you both the best and I think praying will help the both of you at this time.

Hi DatRastaMan, I am so sorry about your wife's miscarriage. How far along was she? I had a miscarriage years ago when I was 4 months along and it was really difficult to get beyond. My husband seemed to get over it way quicker than I did. I'm not sure if he actually did but he seemed to which made me feel he didn't care as much. He tried to console me but he did not let me know how disappointed and sad he was at the loss.I think a part of me was angry at what appeared to be no big deal to him. I felt alone in my grief. When I was finally able to find the words to express this to him, he broke down and cried. I don't know why but sharing our loss together rather than him constantly trying to help me get over it just seemed to make it easier to deal with. Let her know that you understand and that you are hurting from the loss of your child and also that you are hurting from the loss of your wife at the same time. Maybe she needs to talk to a professional??

Hi DatRastaMan! I did not read your discussion about this before. I am ver sorry for both of you. I lost my first baby too... and I understand how difficult it is to your wife cause I went to that depression too... Just give her time to forget and move on... It is really hard for we are the one carrying the baby... We have felt them inside... their movement and kicks... All those are making things hard to forget... And somehow, we feel accountable for the lost too... like we blame ourself too somehow... There is one side of us that telling, if only we were more careful... Anyways, I managed to move on... I did not forget my first baby but I am happy with my 3 year old son already... Goodluck to you and your wife... Just be more patience and understanding to her... Give her time... I am sure she will get over it someday.. You just have to show her more love and care... More support than ever... I know it is hard for you too, but it is really harder for the mother...

Dear DatRastaMan! I'm truly at a loss for words. As a dad myself I know it's hard. I'm terribly sorry about the miscarriage.

hi DatRastaMan... I am so so sorry to hear that I think as your wife was actually carrying. But you care so much to seek help and advice. Once again sorry for your loss. Thanks Laratri

Oh DatRastaMan, I am so so sorry to hear that, I didn't seeeyour discussion back then and seeing the number next to your name can see that you are new in a senseto myLot. What a dreadful thing for you both to have to go through. I think as your wife was actually carrying your baby as well as going through all the emotions you went through at the time of the loss she perhaps feels guilty that deep down if she had been more careful and not fallen etc an perhaps blames herself in someway, there is now a part ofher inside that is missingand even if you do go on to have more children she will always wonder what this one would have been like, aboy or a girl etc. It does sound like that she isindeed depressed and I would recommend that she firstly see a doctor and seek out a bereavement help group for miscarriage where she care share her thoughts with other wmen that have experienced this tragic loss. She probably feels that she has lost part of herselfright now and I know you are being supportive and love her but seems to me that she needs more time to grieve, let her be in that way and as a man don't put any pressure on her to recreate a baby and with help in time I am sure she will come back out of the other side of this dark time in her life, well in both your lives an be more herself again. It is lovely that you care so much to seek helpand advice. Once again sorry for your loss. Huggles. Ellie:D