I hate my husband
By dogmama
@dogmama (2)
United States
June 20, 2010 12:07am CST
I have been married for 40 years to a man that is a big flirt, stares at women while I am with him and says suggestive things to them. I have lost most of my friends from him sneaking behind my back & calling them . I dont go to church or anywhere with him cuz he is always flirting and staring. I wont even go to a store with him anymore cuz of this! We have had problems about this & many other serious things he has done to me in the past & present. I have left for months before only to come back after he starts crying and swearing he will stop & start treating me decent but it dosent last. I have filed for divorce 2 times but came back & wasted the $ @ the Lawyers because he would threaten to harm himself if I didnt come home. He does not love me & NOW I dont love him either I hate him and wished I could leave but am stuck here mailnly because of finances and the inconvenience it would put me thru.I have stayed with friends & family all thru the yrs of this. I hate the person he has changed me into. He was like this to me before we got married but I was pregnant and we had to get married. My brother says'''if you have put up with it for all this time.....you can put up with it longer ???? I am getting too old to think the rest of my life will be so miserable and feel I wouldnt be missing anything without him...I have always been without him even during our marriage. He has NEVER been there for me ...NOT EVEN ONCE! anyone have any suggestions?
1 person likes this
11 responses
@annjilena (5618)
• United States
20 Jun 10
sounds like he need to change and have more respect for his wife.wow you have hung in there a long time who else does he think is going to put up with that
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
20 Jun 10
What i would say to you is if you want a divorce then go for it, if it is that you can not afford a divorce then do the same as he has,find someone else and then move in with them.If he wanted to kill himself then that is up to him as that is his choice.If you leave him he will be ok as then he can flirt with who ever he wants and do what he wants.If he has been treating you like dirt like this for a long time then i would say to get out of the relationship as he will never change.
1 person likes this
@kkanaka (886)
• Singapore
21 Jun 10
Hi dogmama,
You have dealt with too much troubles and worries... and you would surely know what each one of us would suggest after reading to your story, it is certainly not worth trying to save your marriage when all you get is more worries and not a pinch or caring or happiness from you husband, but as you mentioned even getting a divorce is too much of hard work and bother for you, I can really understand how you feel 
frustrated as you are stuck and there is no easy way out....
But my suggestion would be if remaining out of the loop is worth all the trouble then you better go through with the divorce even if it takes longer time to get it done with... you will have a peace of mind and your husband wont be able to emotionally blackmail you by threatening to harm himself or trying to pacify you by saying he has turned over a new leaf......
just get it done with (if you think that is first good thing happening to your marriage) ....
frustrated as you are stuck and there is no easy way out....
But my suggestion would be if remaining out of the loop is worth all the trouble then you better go through with the divorce even if it takes longer time to get it done with... you will have a peace of mind and your husband wont be able to emotionally blackmail you by threatening to harm himself or trying to pacify you by saying he has turned over a new leaf......
just get it done with (if you think that is first good thing happening to your marriage) ....
@jamed28 (1903)
• Philippines
21 Jun 10
It sounds like you've lost your love for the man you'd married along time ago. Is it common as time go by? or is it because he is not being honest to you? Have you ever tried analyzing why did your husband do this things? Is it normal for him, or did he do it because he is looking for something that he didn't see it on you? Well I think it will help you if you try this.
@hjr1983abc (154)
• China
21 Jun 10
Sorry to hear that.I think you should give up this wedlock and start a new life.
@ninafrerichs (48)
• Netherlands
20 Jun 10
I am amazed you have been with this guy for such long time, and yes divorce him while you still have some fun years left!
1 person likes this
@reckon21 (3479)
• Philippines
20 Jun 10
Hello dogmama...i hope you are feeling fine today in spite of your big problem about your inconsiderate husband. I think your husband is stupid first of all for treating you like that. Even though I don't know you personally I think you are a good wife and responsible as well. I just can't believe you stay with that marriage for so long.
What I'm trying to say is that stop being a martyr. Don't let him abused you that far because he already done so much damaged to you most especially the emotional state. Whatever your afraid of maybe that is the reason why you still remain married to him. Leave him alone and start a new life everything will be worth it in the long run. Trust me. You can do it.
@abitcurious (1422)
• Philippines
20 Jun 10
push through with the divorce. Don't even think for a moment about your husband's threats of harming himself. IF he has a decent bone in his body he wouldn't even try to use emotional blackmail to make you take him back.
Find friends who would support you through this. Abuse whether emotional or physical, can make you feel insecure about yourself and rip you of your courage. If you can't tell him you want a divorce right now, pack up your bags and leave him. As soon as you have him away from you, you can assess your situation in a much objective manner. HE won't be looming over you while you make a decision.
Tell your friends and family that you need their support. Give them power to stop you from going back if your will power starts to buckle.
As for finances, find work even if it's not very lucrative. Having financial stability will empower you more.
@dian21 (606)
• Philippines
20 Jun 10
I think that's the nature of men, they get easily attracted to women. I also had an experience with my husband but just regarding to staring to weomen, but not completely flirting. I totally understand how it feels. When it happened to me before, he stared at a woman while I'm with him, I immediately wanted to part ways already. Because I cannot live the rest of my life with a man who is very inconsiderate of my feeling. Because I believe that if he's doing that when I am with him, what more can he do when I'm away.Most probably if I were in your shoes, I would pursue my divorce even before. He is not man enough to live his promises, he's not worthy person to sacrifice your life for him who doesn't know how to love and respect you as a person.
But you've mentioned that you became pregnant, so where is your child? I think you can draw strength from your child to move on without your husband. You have to spend the remaining years of life full of happiness and peace of mind. You deserve it now.
@ahinora (56)
• Bulgaria
20 Jun 10
Nobody can help You expert You.It took too long time to take decision.Do you know as you live long years with somebody you start become like him. please, think about this, it's no too later to change your life.By me you are a lost person. Who will respect you. who will help you- first of all try to help you yourself, so God help
you./ this is a proverb/. 40 years are to long time. You damaged your life, that why my advice to take decision now- I am sure too many people will help.
@shace42 (11)
• United States
21 Jun 10
First off, I am so sorry that you have had to deal with that anguish during what should have been 40 beautiful years of marriage. I have been that guy before, and it is not a good road to go down. It is a relationship destroyer, and it sounds like he has made his peace with that.
You shouldn't.
You deserve better.
Leave him as soon as you can. Live your life. Reclaim what was stolen from you. Throw caution to the wind, and file for divorce. There are plenty of cheap attorneys out there, depending on your location, and I'm sure after hearing your situation they will be glad to help you.
I hope I have helped in some small way.
