How come his family never tells him this, but they always tell me instead?
By cream97
@cream97 (29087)
United States
June 20, 2010 8:29pm CST
My in-laws have a tendency to tell me that they miss me and that they want to see me and the kids. I don't understand why they always tell me this and not my husband. My husband goes over to his parents house more than I do. I don't go with him. The last time that I was at my in-laws house was last year in October, when I moved out. My kids have been there since then. Maybe two or three times.. My son, gets his hair cut by his uncle and this can be about once a month. I talked with my husband about this and he told me that they have never mentioned to him that they want to see me and the kids that they miss me. They never tell him to bring us over. My husband drives the car. And the only way that I will go there, is if I ride along with him. My mother, brother and sister-in-law has said this to me. Why can't they tell my husband this too? If they want to see me and the kids more, then why don't they ever ask him to bring us there. Why do they tend to tell me this? I find it very odd that they don't ask him this. I mean, he is goes to his parents house often. And I don't understand why my mother-in-law wants to see me when all she did was play mind games with me by saying off the wall things. How can she miss me when she did not treat me like anything?
I can understand, my sister-in-law wanting to see me, she has not seen us since the year of 2007. It makes perfect sense that she wants to see us. Why do my mother and brother in-law act like they have not seen me in many years? I did saw my mother-in-law March of this year. And that was the last time. My mother-in-law has an aunt that she has not seen in over 30 years. This woman never comes form New Jersey to see her. My sister and brother in-law have not seen her in many years. My mother-in-law has a brother that is living too. He never comes to see her either. They both are able to travel. My husband told me that his aunt does not like coming to this town when she travels from New Jersey. Why can't his family jump on his aunt for never coming to see them??? I have seen them within the last year, but not their aunt.
I can understand, my sister-in-law wanting to see me, she has not seen us since the year of 2007. It makes perfect sense that she wants to see us. Why do my mother and brother in-law act like they have not seen me in many years? I did saw my mother-in-law March of this year. And that was the last time. My mother-in-law has an aunt that she has not seen in over 30 years. This woman never comes form New Jersey to see her. My sister and brother in-law have not seen her in many years. My mother-in-law has a brother that is living too. He never comes to see her either. They both are able to travel. My husband told me that his aunt does not like coming to this town when she travels from New Jersey. Why can't his family jump on his aunt for never coming to see them??? I have seen them within the last year, but not their aunt.3 people like this
13 responses
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
21 Jun 10
From what I have read in your past discussions about your husbands family I would not want to go see them either. I think the first responder is correct. She is inviting you without mentioning it to your husband so she can say she invited you over and you were rude and did not accept the invitation. It just gives her more things to say about you.
3 people like this
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
22 Jun 10
Hi lily bug: Well, I think that's a horrible situation and just as I mention in another answer from this discussion, it's better to think if your decition will make you feel comfortable and if it's not I think it's not good to put you in a position that won't be good for you and it would be worst if she use this invitation against you. Thanks for your answer. Have a nice day.
ALVARO
1 person likes this
@StarBright (2798)
• United States
21 Jun 10
Sounds like that family has issues. Your mother-in-law is still playing games. The song "Smiling Faces" or is it "Back Stabbers" comes to mind. She doesn't really want to see you, but she also doesn't want to look like the bad guy. If you never come around, she can smile sweetly and say that she invited you. It is not her fault that you refuse. You are right to keep your distance.
3 people like this
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
22 Jun 10
Hi Star Bright: I think you are probably right, she needs our friend to feel better with herself but at the same time and just as you mention, it's always good to think if a situation makes you feel comfortable or not and it seems that in this case you are not comfortable with your mother's in law behaviour. Thanks for your answer. Have a nice day.
ALVARO
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
25 Jun 10
You know, in a way you are lucky. My in-laws pretty much only communicate with my husband, and the arrangements always get muddled and never take our schedule into consideration. If they would talk to me, they would get it straight, because he's just not good with those details.
1 person likes this
@HelloMickey (1655)
• Hong Kong
22 Jun 10
Hi cream97
Maybe they want to show their loves to you and your kids. I don't know, but you can feel the way they talked to you and know what exactly they want from their words.
For me, my MIL always speaks ill of my sister-in-law in front of my hubby and me, and I know she does the same in front of my sister-in-law, speaking ill of my hubby, quite strange and bad habbits!!! Last time, my MIL asked me over the table in a restaurant in front of a relative who we have not seen for a long time that she wanted a name list of our wedding, she wanted to check if she hasn't invited some friends of her in our wedding 2 years ago, and she told me she has asked her son(my hubby) for this several times and never got the list, so she told me asking him in front of me, then she can trust me and she will get the list then.
I felt sorry for my hubby, as I know he is extremely busy on work, I never ask him to do trivias as I can see his face turn to very tired after work, I felt sorry for him not because of her mom asking him do this, it's just very normal thing that I know she wants to check, I felt sorry because his mom always does this in front of strangers, friends, relatives or even neighbours, always saying negatives of him in front of others(and most important they are not true). I did the list that night and gave it to my hubby.
1 person likes this
@babygirl3605 (78)
• United States
26 Jun 10
This can be hard to understand as my sister is going through the same time. Her boyfriend will not take her or their baby to any family cookouts or anything. He says she is not allowed there. They tell her she is.
My though would be if I'm not welcome there as well then he shouldn't go ether. This only makes the family think they can treat who ever he brings over like crap.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
21 Jun 10
Hi Cream,
I have no idea. Normally I would say that it makes sense for someone to tell someone to their face that they miss them and wish they would come around more often. But after reading other posts on your in-laws, I really don't know what to think.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
21 Jun 10
hi cream I get the feeling that they are just more or less making
polite conversation , saying what they think you want to hear.
If they are so concerned about seeing you and your children the
distance between your place and theirs is the same,Let them come
to see you if they are all so sincere and so concerned about
you and your children,yes indeed its very odd that they did not
say these things to your husband, like hey why didnt you bring the wife and kids? no they do not sound sincere to me just stiffy polite.
As for your mother-in -law, she does not sound to me like she
is all that very fond of you unless she gets her kicks out of making
you feel bad. thereare people like that who get a charge out of subtly insulting the other person then saying
oh I was just joking. oh yeah?
oh I was just joking. oh yeah?1 person likes this
@celticeagle (166485)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Jun 10
What makes people do what they do? Maybe they think this is something they should say. Sounds like everyone is not on the same page. Days do go by and people get in a rut and they don't go see people. Sounds like you need to be doing some communicating!
1 person likes this
@reckon21 (3479)
• Philippines
22 Jun 10
It is most common human attitude or normal occurrence to some people. They like to say things and brag about it yet there is no truth behind it or they just want to say it because they wanted to but not really serous with it. Since your husband always go there in her mothers house....maybe they did really want to see you and both the kids.
I don't see anything wrong with it since she is the grandmother of the kids and they have the right to the children as well. As for you never pay much attention to it. just go along with the flow as long you don't do anything wrong you will be fine.
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
21 Jun 10
You know sweetie, if they really want to see you and the kids, why don't they just come and visit you? Why should you always go to them? I think it is unfair. When she complain again, tell her to come and visit. See what happens then. TATA.
@kukueye (1759)
• Malaysia
21 Jun 10
I guess your can tell your husband about it.And made an agreement like only visit few times only per year.I got friends who are married and made agreement that only will visit the in laws in special occasions only like new year , christmas , thanksgiving and such. In normal days, avoid the in laws , works for both ways.However not all in laws are bad, so are ok and keep they distance.
1 person likes this
@Rlwoods (3)
• United States
21 Jun 10
I dont know specifics, but my parents were in a simmilar situation.
My grandmother often times wanted to see my mother and I. She would tell us this, but never do anything past that.
The reason being as we come to find out, is that my father had somehow said something to her that was rather negative bout my mother. this was after a fight the had had.
my grand mother got it a mixed message, and she thought that my mother never wanted to see her again.
When all is said and done, it was a simple little mix up, and meant nothing, but that nothing turned into a year long "something" because of a small miscommunication.
i suggest you talk to your husaband about it, and see if there is ANYTHING that he said that would make his parents think that you are upset with them.
1 person likes this
