is it ok to love someone whose already have a girlfriend?
By zsarhea
@zsarhea (302)
Austria
June 20, 2010 10:40pm CST
My friend shared this story to me,well here it is: Shes talking to this guy online for a couple of months now and they are talking and chatting almost everyday,she said they guy will send her messages or call her if they cant talk so its like they cant sleep without seeing each other anymore but the problems is the guy have a girlfriend and my friend knew it from the start.But the guys relationship is shaky already and for her the guy is almost perfect and the guy appreciates her alot.The guy even told her that shes much sweeter and funny than to his girlfriend.They sometimes drink together on cam.In fact when i visit her i met the guy too.It sounded like the guy spend time together with her than with his girlfriend because after work the guy goes straight home and they talk.In the morning the guy send her messages and before going to work.The just few days ago she told me that shes falling inlove with this guy...i think its complicated because the guy is still in a relationship..i wanna tell her to stop being that close to someone because she might just end up being hurt (well shes a bit hurt now because she cant tell the guy that shes starting to love him because she knows where she stands...
Should she continue it or cut it off?thanks in advance for those who will reply.
4 people like this
14 responses
@kukueye (1759)
• Malaysia
21 Jun 10
I think the guy is cheating on both girls. Personally if i am guy, if i know the girl has a boyfriend i will keep a distance and not involve intimately or go out with her one to one .Maybe can chat online,but will chat like the boyfriends is beside her and try not to have any hanky panky.Guys get jealous fast sometime.Lot of egos and gas sometime. I guess it take 2 to tango, the girl is also asking the guy to betray his girlfriends.So she is not innocent too.
2 people like this
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
22 Jun 10
Hi kukueye: I think the same. Personally, being a guy, I have met some boys that do this too many times. They can have a girlfriend but at the same time go with another chick and tell her that he really loves her and not his girlfriend. That's not good, it's playing and I think that this girl needs to know the consequences of her actions too. Thanks for your answer. Have a nice day.
ALVARO
1 person likes this
@ada8may21 (2405)
• Philippines
21 Jun 10
I would personally dont like that attitude, although the guy is not yet married. Even if the guy is still single she should at least put some barrier because she would be one of the factor to ruin the relationship of the guy to his gf. Just put yourself on the shoe of the girlfriend how would you feel. Since you knew that the guy has girlfriend, I guess it would be decent enough to at least put line between the two of you. No matter how the guy would like to chat with you if you are not giving any time I guess he would not continue it. I would not buy that crap he is saying that your friend is much sweeter compare to his gf. Dont believe it, he is just making issues with his gf. But anyways I actually dont know what is the other side of the story.
But to answer your answer is NOT OK to love someone who has girlfriend. You are hurting yourself and you dont deserve that. Each of us deserve someone whom we can call our own.
1 person likes this
@ada8may21 (2405)
• Philippines
21 Jun 10
Love is not blind, its just us who refuses to sees the bad and wrong. Well if you really love the person and you know its wrong. Why you have to go on? are you just wanting for a short time happiness and long time pain. Its better not to entertain the thought of loving the person if I know I'll just get hurt at the end.
If they both love each other, then I guess the guy should look for a way to clear his relationship with another girl. To make things formal and decent with both parties.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
21 Jun 10
Hi zsarhea,
The only way this kind of relationship would work for her is if she is willing to always be the "other" woman. It can almost be predicted that if he were to end up dropping his current girl in order to be with only her that as soon as their relationship started facing the normal ups and downs that relationships have, well, he'd be finding another girl to be "almost perfect" for and she'd be the girlfriend in the dark. He is cheating on his girlfriend! Does she really want to be the girlfriend? In some very rare cases these kind of situations work out but not often. He is cheating and that says volumes about his character.
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
22 Jun 10
Hi zsarhea: Well this guy is not as perfect as your friend think because he's playing with her and her girlfriend at the same time. I say this because, why does he pass so much time with her if he doesn't want anything serious, why does he calls her that she's "sweeter" and "funnier" that her girlfriend. That's not being honest and it looks like he wants to have something with your friend but keeping her girlfriend and that's not ok. And she has to consider that he has a girlfriend so it's not fair with her to play with her boyfriend. I think that she has to cut with this relationship or she'll be hurt. She has to tell him that she don't want too have a complicated relationship and that she respects him and his girlfriend so she has to go. Maybe they could have something in the future but this would be before he takes a decition wether she wants to start a new relationship with your friend or stay with his girlfriend. Thanks for asking us this question. Have a nice day.
ALVARO
1 person likes this
@mario_stevens (6971)
• Malaysia
21 Jun 10
it takes two hands to clap.. 
maybe your friend needs some kind attention and has found it somewhere, and is now enjoying it.. if anything, the guy should be the one with a conscious on whether or not he should continue doing what he is doing..
maybe your friend needs some kind attention and has found it somewhere, and is now enjoying it.. if anything, the guy should be the one with a conscious on whether or not he should continue doing what he is doing..1 person likes this
@zsarhea (302)
• Austria
22 Jun 10
i think your right...my friend here is the one who is blinded by the attention that the guy is giving her so the guy should just back off...i know one day my friend will find someone else...if i can just talk to the guy then i will,i would be slapping the truth to his face,hahaha and tell him to stop making my friends beautiful life to a miserable one..my friend isnt like this before...
@lekkipen (14)
•
21 Jun 10
No it is not ok, and like some of the others have said, which I agree to, your friend is playing a dangerous game and that guy is dishonest, and he is using your friend. such a man cannot be trusted. Its possible that he is in the habit of chatting up girls on the internet. Of course it is possible to become friendly with someone you chat with online regularly, but to fall in love? no, that must be infatuation and it will blow away as quickly as it started, and somebody is going to get hurt.
1 person likes this
@_Honey_ (780)
• Philippines
21 Jun 10
Sorry to say this my dear but it seems that the pain your friend is feeling is quite self-inflicted. LOL. Please don't get me wrong and don't get offended as I mean no harm but all I wanted to shake the sanity out of your friend. And I'm telling you I really would if only I could. 
First, he hasn't even met the guy yet. She doesn't know him personally and doesn't know him that much. Second, sorry to say this but whose guy on their right mind would tell another woman that's he's completely happy if he means to hit on that girl. I mean, of course, more often than not, a person will disown his/her partner if he would like to get the attention of another person.
Third, whether he's telling the truth or not, they're still caught in a very wrong time and awkward situation. If the guy truly likes her and would like to move on with her, he should fix his rocky relationship with his current gf yet, heal himself and start anew with your friend.
First, he hasn't even met the guy yet. She doesn't know him personally and doesn't know him that much. Second, sorry to say this but whose guy on their right mind would tell another woman that's he's completely happy if he means to hit on that girl. I mean, of course, more often than not, a person will disown his/her partner if he would like to get the attention of another person.
Third, whether he's telling the truth or not, they're still caught in a very wrong time and awkward situation. If the guy truly likes her and would like to move on with her, he should fix his rocky relationship with his current gf yet, heal himself and start anew with your friend.1 person likes this
@srganesh (6340)
• India
21 Jun 10
She should be very careful in this. Online relationships are getting into fashion now a days. But only a few are successful. One cannot judge people by speaking to them in web cams. Real life interaction will reveal his entire character. In this case, he is already having a girl friend and not loyal to her. So, he may not be loyal to your friend too. Warn her!
1 person likes this
@CRIVAS (1815)
• Canada
21 Jun 10
I think that you are right to be concerned for your friend. If this guy is willing to cheat on his current girlfriend with someone he met online (your friend), then what is to stop him from cheating on your friend once he gets bored with her? I think that your friend has to sit down and think about what she is doing. Be careful however because if you come off as sounding like you are telling her what to do, then she isn't going to come to you anymore. I would just make sure that you tell her what I told you, maybe that will get her thinking. I also think that your friend needs to make more of an effort to meet people that are in her area AND SINGLE! If she does I am sure that she would meet someone better suited to being in a relationship with her. Hope that helps some and happy mylotting.
@homeshoppers (6166)
• Philippines
21 Jun 10
i dont think its good for her to love him inspite of the fact that he already have a gf even though his not married yet unless he showed something special to her or make her feel that someday he will choose her than is gf. she can only love him if his started telling her that he like her and that his having problem with his gf as she knows that sooner or later that guy and the girl will end up soon and she still have a chance. but loving the guy without the guy knowing it then what will happen to her, the love will continue to grow and she will be the one to suffer while the guy is happy with the girl.
1 person likes this
@zsarhea (302)
• Austria
21 Jun 10
well my friend said he's giving alot of attention to her and says like he and his girlfriend have a problem and its been a while now and he doesnt see her girlfriend anymore.By the action and the guy does for her i think he's showing alot of interest to my friend..i know my friend is hoping to be his girlfriend.They are just friends now but its like on the next level..just being like a bestfriend and shared alot of whats happening on their lives.Thanks for the response.
@aguas_aj (498)
• Philippines
21 Jun 10
I think they should stop it, at least until every thing is settled in the guy's issue with his girlfriend. If the guy loves him he should break up with his girlfriend. he cant have both. Besides, if the guy is "cheating" in ways right now with his current girlfriend. What would be the guarantee that he wount do that when they are the one together. Tell her that
1 person likes this
@candyfairy21 (2039)
• Philippines
21 Jun 10
If a guy pursues a girl while he or she is still in a relationship one must be wary. What makes you think he will be faithful while he is with you? I know they say this and that about their gfs but do you really know the real score? Or would you just like to believe in what he says it is. Most of the time that is quite erroneous, it's always to their advantage. You can only advise your friend but then the decision lies with her. You cannot keep her from getting hurt if she does not pay attention to the advice you give. Had this kind of situation with a friend before.
1 person likes this
@zsarhea (302)
• Austria
22 Jun 10
well i guess your friend already realized its wrong right?if i can just get a stone and throw it to my friend so she'll realized that its wrong then i will,maybe that'll be easy than seeing her miserable...i dont know whats best to do..i only know that i can be with her if she needs me...
@amitaframirez (65)
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
your friend really is in deep dilemma right now. it is hard especially because there is another woman. they can't be together technically. you should ask your friend to try really hard to hold her feelings until the guy show real efforts to prove that he also love your friend. it is hard to base things on just their online interactions because there are a lot of things that are possible online. the best is that you better stay close to your friend and cheer her up whenever she feels bad. that would pass but until it don't just stay as the positive one. whenever she feels negative cheer her up and try to set her mind that everything's be fine soon.. :)
