Being detached with someone you love
By med889
@med889 (5941)
June 20, 2010 10:40pm CST
How can you become detached with someone you have once love very much in your life? I have once loved someone extremely more than my life but now I really want to get detached from him, after spending nearly five years being together, there have been obstacles before but we have survived by all of them. I was even ready to leave my entire family because of him. Now life is being so unfair, we are blaming each other for our own mistakes,and it hurts to listen to all of these when you are really not at fault.
Everytime there is a problem like this, I just cannot sleep, I stay awake the whole night while he don't even know what the problem is, how can he be so negligent towards our relationship, and he even tells me that I should have tell him before, but why should I tell everytimes when he should have realized himself like I did!
I feel pity on myself,being a strong girl, a law student, someone who is an example to families and cousins and now I find myself entrapped in something I feel suffocated in. I never cried so much at nights before I met him, my eyes are still wet while writing but I need to else I won't find a way to solve this problem. I want to be the way I was in the past, not giving too much importance to people because when they are over fed they take it for granted and does not even realized when they hurt you the most.
I am not perfect, no one is but I think I was not treated well enough because after all I am a human being too.
6 responses
@smiley83 (1534)
• Malaysia
21 Jun 10
Awh sweetie i do feel for you as i'm passing through the same trouble too..I just finished commenting back on one of my discussion related to heart breaking..they all advised me to let time heal up the wounds as i'm very much frustrated..he is my first ex and not able to move forward with another guy as i'm deeply attached too...
But, i'm now learning to be de attached to him through keeping my self away...
As for you; try to keep yourself away for few days..just give both of you some space as it usually helps to understand how both of you feel! ok, you don't have to explain yourself with extra stuff..just get yourself away for few days and rethink about the overall issue! let him rethink about it too..it is very much important to give yourself extra time!
besides, you should never think about leaving your family for a guy! imagine if you have left ur family and ur guy dumped u! where would u go after that? who would open their arms and lend you their shoulders to cry on except your parents!
@med889 (5941)
•
21 Jun 10
Hello there smiley, thank you for giving such wonderful advises, I will surely abide to them. I think the best to be done is to stay away from him for some days and then I can think properly because now I really cannot think of something concrete.
I thank myself for being enough intelligent now for not leaving my family for a man. If I would have been at his place it would have been worst for me to be strong in these situations. I fail to understand why we girls tend to be more attached with a man than they are with us!
Now that after a lot of arguments I convinced my family that the man is good for me. How can I tell them about this?
I think I will not but I will stay away from my boyfriend for some days to be detached. Oh God how I hate these situations!!
1 person likes this
@smiley83 (1534)
• Malaysia
21 Jun 10
yeah it is really difficult!! but I'm sure you would do the right thing dear!!
As for the convincing matter; well, I had been in the same situation too..I had spent so much time trying to convince my parents about him, and lastly they met him.however, he betrayed me after that!! I couldn't believe what had just happened but yeah it was the reality of the overall issue and I got no other option but to accept the fact that he is over! I told my family and luckily enough they supported me though I do feel guilty of not listening to their advices at the first place!!
@med889 (5941)
•
21 Jun 10
My family will always be supporting me in every situations of live but what I need is to be strong again to fight with myself, with the feelings, with the love I had for him. I know it won't be easy but now I find myself with all the difficult ways so I have to finally choose between the paths.
@advokatku (4033)
• Indonesia
21 Jun 10
breakup is painful but the pain it will be missed if you realize that all has been arranged by God. Mate at the hands of God, so leave it all to God. Feeling sorry for themselves will only increase the pain you've suffered
@med889 (5941)
•
21 Jun 10
Its not about the breakup but about being detached from him. I want to feel more myself than feeling myself with him. Everytime I think about me there is always him too and sometimes it is about him alone. So I am not thinking about me alone this is what makes me attached to him. So now I want to feel the 'me' inside first and leave the rest.
@tjades (3591)
• Jamaica
22 Jun 10
I like your overview of yourself. it shows that at least you understand and acknowledge what is happening to you. Many women often refuse to reach this point until it is too late. Too late in that the man takes the initiative and ends the relationship and then the woman becomes even more devastated or even worst when things become physical/suidal etc.
You now need to allow yourself to find the energy to do what is best for you. As far as I am concerned in a relationship you can not always be concerned about the other persons well being when it is quite obvious that they are on a path of self destruction or they are about to destroy you. Sometimes the best place you can be to render assistance is outside of the relationship. Then you can be more rational and see things as they really are.
Just find the strength to do what is best for you and not waste your life thinking about what was and what others will say or think. That is pretty much like inflicting yourself with wound after wound. All the best and I hope he comes around and sees just how much you are affected.
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
21 Jun 10
Getting detached from the one you love can be difficult to cope with. We don't mean for it to happen,but it does. It does not mean that we don't still love that person. Interests and habits change. Relationships suffer along the way.
@Tangeryne (412)
• India
21 Jun 10
Girl I feel for you!! Guys can be so insensitive at times. Been through all this myself. 
Loved a guy and gave the relationship my all. He painted a different picture to me and another to the rest of the world!! After he left, I was the one left with a broken heart to pick up the pieces!! He left me shattered but now I'm slowly getting over him.
Think guys are just like that especially in relationships, they just turn a blind eye on the problems. Sure they like being in a relationship with its perks but they don't want responsibility and commitment. When things start to go wrong, they look the other way!! We're the ones who cry and stay awake all night thinking about it, trying to figure out what we did wrong when they happily go on with their lives as though nothing happened!!
Guess they do take us for granted. Think you need to detach yourself from him for a while. Take a break, so somewhere alone with your girlfriends, think things through. Play a little hard to get. Don't answer his calls for a while. Then he'll realize your worth and come back to you. For a change you be the negligent one! You are strong, don't let him make you weak!! Go girl! 
Loved a guy and gave the relationship my all. He painted a different picture to me and another to the rest of the world!! After he left, I was the one left with a broken heart to pick up the pieces!! He left me shattered but now I'm slowly getting over him.
Think guys are just like that especially in relationships, they just turn a blind eye on the problems. Sure they like being in a relationship with its perks but they don't want responsibility and commitment. When things start to go wrong, they look the other way!! We're the ones who cry and stay awake all night thinking about it, trying to figure out what we did wrong when they happily go on with their lives as though nothing happened!!
Guess they do take us for granted. Think you need to detach yourself from him for a while. Take a break, so somewhere alone with your girlfriends, think things through. Play a little hard to get. Don't answer his calls for a while. Then he'll realize your worth and come back to you. For a change you be the negligent one! You are strong, don't let him make you weak!! Go girl! 
@2004cqui (2812)
• United States
21 Jun 10
We're coming up on our 27th wedding anniversary. I have been deeply in love three times in my life. When you think about it once you become married, even the stuff that made you fall in love in the first place can become extremely annoying. So what is going to happen over the long term with the stuff you hate about him? Like I told him I consider my relationships before him "the junk pile". But it wasn't too long ago I warned him that if he kept up what he was doing he would become a part of my "junk pile". I will just fall out of love! Consider yourself part of this learning experience. YOU will survive it! Thank God you have such strong, loving and common sense parents!
