would you like to live with your in-laws?

I have lived with my in laws before. What might have started out to be a good thing turned into the biggest tension builder. We had more clashes over the simplest things because everyone was trying to be the boss.

That't the number one reason why I don't want to live with my in-laws, and even with my parents once I get married, because it just creates friction and unwanted arguments. Parents would always be parents, and sometimes they don't know where the lines are drawn with regards to my life and specially my married life. It is never really a good idea to live with in-laws, once married, it is really better to have a place of your own.

Oh men..living really with in-laws is like passing through a swinging hanging bridge with tons of crocodiles on the water. You should talk seriously about this with out your in-laws getting involved in your decisions, if your wife would consider you as her husband. Your both decisions should be follow in the name of your twins.! why must she work abroad when you have decent income..? why they don't go instead of your wife? if you plan working abroad you should not have baby because it's hard living away from your baby. Like me, I gave up my job just to be with my baby as he is my only one can't have another one and I am happy with my decision because when my baby grow up beside me he will recognize me as his mommy not that when I come home my baby won't recognize me as his mommy,...menn..I can't take to hear that my son never recognize me as his mother..do you want one day you come home..and grandma says: here is mommy..then your son would say: No she is not my mommy! what will you do? It's really a huge different if you yourself takecare of you child. yeah you can wait maybe until they are 3 years old where they can remember you, so when you come home one day ..You will see big smiles and open arms trying to reach to hug you! I think that would be nice..anyway you are not financially struggling, right?

me and my husband live in my in laws. because we live in their house, they have a say to everything we plan. i dont know how they take part but they are always against it and we cant move on to our plans because of them. one time, my husband sold his motorcycle to buy a new one but my mother in law is against to buy a motorcycle so we kept the money. she always say that we should help my husband's sister using the money we have because they have no money. if i try to think of it, my husband's sister has already a family and we have a family of our own. for me, i have to think what is best for my family first before i take care of others. just this morning, my mother in law said to me to buy this and that and i am getting sick hearing those. some of our things are in the house of my brother in law so why we have to buy new things when we already have that only it is not in our own household. i am planning to separate with them so that me and my husband can take care of our own. you should also think what is best for your family. take charge because your family is your responsibility.

I would not live with my in-laws or even think about living NEAR them.Just to avoid future misunderstandings with them.

yes there is no harm in living with them

Hi, Zaphan. So your mother in-law is your wife's mother? Why does she want her to go abroad? She just gave birth to two beautiful 8 month old twins. Why would she want her to go away? If you have enough of money to support the two of you and your new addition to your family, then your wife may not need to go abroad. It sounds like your mother in-law just want to keep the two of you apart from each other. Don't let this happen. If your wife wants to stay here with you, then let her. You both have newborns and I am sure that you want to at least bond with them. This is you and your wife's decision if she should go abroad. Not your mother in-law's. She should let the two of you be adults and take care of your family the way that you see fit.

i prefer to live our own than live with inlaws, im not comfortable living with them just in case, unless they are my parents

Hi zaphan: I think that when you get married you start a new relationship so it's reasonable that you don't want to live with your in laws. Even if I understand your mother in law, I think that living with her will be the source of new problems so my answer would be No, it's not good for you and it's better to visit them but to have an independent life you and your wife. Thanks for asking us this question. Have a nice day. ALVARO

Well, you are having an advantageous arguing point right here. You have a baby twins to look after. The mother suppose to be with their children the whole time. They could wait another or 2 years until the babies grow up a little. You should not be afraid to voice out your opinion.

I don't want to.. But unfortunately I am.. The reason is its always hard to live in other people's house. You can't move freely, you will be the center of attention not in a good way but always the subject of gossip and bad things. You are always stressed because you know you have to control a lot of things, you have to be extra clean, extra industrious, extra courteous etc... Which is sometimes not comfortable anymore. When one of their relatives comes in to visit, for sure you will be the subject again.. Uggghhh!!! And I am so fed up about it... I wish I could get our won place in the future though...

I would not mind living with my in-laws for a while, since I like mine, but it is important to have boundaries so it does not interfere with your life too much. It is your life, and only you and your wife can decide what you guys should do. So I would advice you to talk about all these things with your wife and tell her how you feel, but don't do it in front of the in-laws!

The twims are too young to leave their mother . your mother in-law is so stupid . She can not separate them just for a work in other country . I really agree with your thinking ,the kids still need their mother's care .I hope you can persuade them soon .

Hi Zaphan, So let me see if I am understanding this right. Your in-laws want your wife to go abroad and leave her babies behind with you? If that is the case then it sounds as if your in-laws are meddling in business that isn't theirs. Decisions like this should be between you and your wife. Now I'm surprised that she would even consider it.

That is the problem with living with the in laws.You , as couple, can not decide on your own since you also have to consider your in laws opinion since you are living under THEIR roof. As the head of the family, (it is suppose to be YOU now ) you can't exercise your role because there's still are other people who are in more authority in that house than you are. If your wife will listen to her parents, there's nothing you can do but to support her . But, do not consent right away. talk to her over this matter. Be sure that there's only the two of you. Make known to her your dilemma re the twins. As a mother, I'd not want to leave my children that young. Though for sure they will survive without me but I know I should be the one taking care of them during that delicate time of their lives. No one can ever give them the love a Mother can give to her children. I hope your wife is aware of this... If I were you, I'll move out of the house and try to raise my family on my own without depending on my family's support, much more, my in laws. All the best to you, Zaphan.:-)

I never knew anyone who would like to live with in-laws. From the time you got married the two of you should know that you should be standing in your own feet now. But it is the miserable fact that some of us now are marrying without preparation for it. So they end-up living with their parents and depend on them. If you would ask me, based on your stories, you should still stay at your in-laws whether you like it or not. Not unless you can now support your family, and if you can, what the heck are you waiting for? Move out! It's your family so you should be the one in control. But if you don't have the power to support them, then you should do something about it. But for the mean time endure the sacrifice of living with your in-laws. But don't just sit there. DO SOMETHING!!!

That's really hard. But you have to know your priorities first. I understand that you have to prioritize first your kids because they are still small and basically that's the mother's responsibility. But since you are living with your in-laws, definitely you'll have difficulty expressing your opinion. Generally when children get married already, they will leave their parents and sibling and will live separately with his/her spouse and kids if there are already. Because you have to consider the feelings of your spouse if you are living together with your own parenets and vice versa. So the best thing you can do is live separately from your in-laws if you can to avoid arguments about decision making. Your in-laws are like that because they can see that you're still depending to them. So you really have to live on with your own family and make some sacrifices to avoid hurting of feelings.

In my opinion going abroad should be the last option specially now when your kids are so young.They cant do with their mother.If your income is good then convince her to not to go.I can never stay with in-laws.Its your life,your wife and your kids.U need to take strong decision.

Leaving with some has it's advantages,but mostly for me,I think the disadvantages are greater, especially if your living with the in-laws.For one you can't argue with your partner,you can't do the things that you want to do like watching TV for long hours or just resting if your tired because you always have to consider someone else, and lastly in terms of disciplining your children because mostly they always are in way. With regards to your wife going out of the country,you have to talk to her about your opinion on the subject cause your the husband you have the right say no or yes. And way your option or pros and cons if she would go,maybe then you'll come up with the same decision. GOD bless.