I am happy today
By johnpillai
@johnpillai (2082)
Germany
June 25, 2010 2:43am CST
More than 6 years I had a question in my mind with no answer. Yesterday i got the answer from a tv programme. and i am happy.
My two children (10 and 7) are terribily admired very much for their 'self help skills' at school. There they do their works on their own. But at home things are upside down. They want me to do all of their works. They do nothing on their own. (dressing, combing, cleaning, bathing) I always wonder how they are admired at school. They are not only admired for their self help skills but, also for their internal peace and happiness of their minds.
I am a child care giver. i have got an international diploma in child care. But my child bringing up method is very different. I completely follow my father's old method. I don't do this purpersly. That comes automatically. Till yesterday I felt guilty for my bringing up method. Yesterday in a tv show it was told, as irish rescerch tells: Parents should help their children to do their work, just like a third hand til 13 or 14 year. so my bringing up method is correct. that is why my children are admired at school though they give much trouble to me at home.
Now your view please.
2 people like this
9 responses
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
30 Jun 10
Hi Johnpillai,
there is a huge difference between helping the child and doing all the work for them. I always helped my kids out but they had to do their fair share of the work as well. Kids do need to learn responsibility and our goal as parents should be to teach them to be independent and self-reliant. We guide them. If your kids are acting and doing right in school and at other peoples homes then you are doing well as a parent. At home they will let their gurard down and guard down. it's normal. Even us adults are like that. They know how to act in public so pat yourself on the back. You are doing a good job!
@johnpillai (2082)
• Germany
30 Jun 10
Thankyou for encouraging me. Living with doubt, specialy in child bringing up method, is realy difficult. i am never proud of me that i am a good mother. I always feel a kind of guilty. But in school level I am also admired that I am a good mother.
@babygirl3605 (78)
• United States
29 Jun 10
This is very odd. I was told by the school not to set next to my son in 2nd grade as this would allow him to know he can do it on his own. I stayed in the same room. But if he needed help he needed to ask me for help. I get my kids to do all the other things by themselves by the time they are 8 years. My daughter is only six. She cleans her own room and helps me clean some. She will dress her self. But I do have to help her get ready for bed. My son does every thing him self. He is 11 years old. He gets his own snakes, showers, dresses, cleans, and he is ready to learn how to use the microwave by him self. As a mother of two I will not do every thing for my kids. If I know they can do it then they will. As long as I know it's something that will not harm them. But them being able to do these things by themselves. Yes they can and will.
@johnpillai (2082)
• Germany
30 Jun 10
Supper. This is what I wish to have in my family also. but still that is a dream. My children consume my time. Any how I am happy that they are admired by teachers and principle.
@srganesh (6340)
• India
26 Jun 10
It is quite natural. Kids who are troublesome at home will be obedient at schools and who are obedient at home will be troublesome at schools. I wonder how you miss this concept? Well, we should allow ample freedom at home and so they will be concentrating on the outer world. If we are going to discipline them with strict rules at home, then they will definitely look for an outlet in the outer world.
@johnpillai (2082)
• Germany
26 Jun 10
Which you wrote completely suits me. but i felt a little bit guilty till yesterday. now I have confidence in my mind. Which you wrote is perfectly correct. I know one mother. She is vert strickt. The are very good in front of their mother. But out of her eyes they are naughty. Thankyou for your reply.
@lovelyn_medrano (3070)
• Philippines
25 Jun 10
Well you must be very proud because your kids are being admired to their school! They are being noticed by their good works.. and that has really have something to do with how you are raising them...
Well it is really okay to help and be hands on with our kids... Sometimes its their (kids) way to spend time with us too... by asking you/us to help them with their work or assignments... Though sometimes it is somehow tiring but always take it and think of it in a positive way... Well kids are observants and they just do things exactly how their parents do things... So keep it up and continue to show them good example... 
@johnpillai (2082)
• Germany
25 Jun 10
You are correct. i am following my fathers method withoug my knowledge. I can't help to stop it. Thankyou for your encouragement.
@lynne906 (4)
• Philippines
26 Jun 10
this is really interesting. but you know what, kids could really be like that when left on their own. i used to worry about how my kids would survive during the hours they spend at school, because like you, i also do everything for them...partly because i want to and partly because i don't think they can actualy do anything for themselves. but they will reach a certain age when they would start wanting to do things on their own and only ask for our help when needed. i also came to a point when i started to "let go" of them and trust on their abilities. but this i know: however they behave outside the house is a result of what they see inside...so if they are self-sufficient in school, it's because of how they were brought up at home. so, kudos to you and give yoursef a pat in the back:)
@johnpillai (2082)
• Germany
26 Jun 10
Thank you. Realy now i have peace in my mind. I don#t feel guilty now. I can do only what I can do. I just let me free. Things are coming outomaticaly.
@abj163 (1037)
• India
25 Jun 10
i was like your child in my childhood but i am 19 now and i do all my works on my own.....i used to do nothing at home when i used to go to school......because i had a lot to do in school so i was bored of that....so my mom used to do all my works at home except educational works...dont get worried about they troubles to u at home...because i also did that a lot....but now i am very silent because things have changed ..i just do my studies no trouble to my parents......your children will follow my step and i am sure about it
happy mylotting
@johnpillai (2082)
• Germany
25 Jun 10
Thankyou very much for your answer. Your answer strengthen me. I am very happy to have a reply from a young person as a child's view.
@udaymohan (437)
• India
25 Jun 10
I would rather say that you should motivate your children to their home and all other work themselves. Thereafter, ask them to show you their homework. You can correct the mistakes and tell them how to write proper answer.
Similarly, children nee motivation from their parents for doing everything from home to school. Without comparing them with other children, tell them some stories abou children who did their work in home also and were successful.
@johnpillai (2082)
• Germany
25 Jun 10
They do their school home work on their own from the very first school day. I seldom control check their school bag. They never allow me th help them in their learning prosses. I don't know why? And they do their home work perfectly.
@Jessey123 (6)
• China
25 Jun 10
You are luckily for already got the answer.I've also had a question in my mind with no answer several months,maybe the answer is wanting...
I, a university student,havn't any kids but my siter have two girls(4 and 6),whom are clever,pretty.and do everything every well at school until back home.
