should i tell my friend or not?
By deriellevc73
@deriellevc73 (982)
Philippines
June 26, 2010 8:37am CST
i always believed that honesty is the best policy. But what if telling the truth would create havoc in your friend's life? but what if my friend will know of the truth and will also know that i happen to know about it all the time and i did not tell her, would she understand? or would she be mad at me? i would be, if i happen to be in her place.
You see, my male friend's wife is a work colleague and one day, another male colleague-friend and i were discussing about some irregularities that the "wife" had been doing and about the incident wherein that "wife" was discovered having an illicit affair with someone from another department. That juicy news was quite well known to me, fed by other "concerned" co-workers. It was then that particular male i was talking to mentioned that that "wife" must be suffering from attention-deficit disorder from her husband since he too had a short but torrid affair with that "wife" months back. He told me if i had not observed them both disappearing for hours during office celebrations, and that they often stayed for hours in some motels when the husband is on one of his frequent work-trips. I had some suspicions before but hearing it straight from the horse' mouth, it was definitely shocking.
My male friend and that "wife" is barely one year into their marriage, they are both young and have good jobs that pays well. Soon after the illicit affair began with the male from another department, she got pregnant. I was happy for them of course because i thought all would now be well. But then, i discovered that barely a month after she gave birth, she made a tryst with the male from that another department in a friend's house. The male was seen as cuddling the baby and those who witnessed the event swore that the baby takes after him. She and the male went on with their escapades, many have witnessed them, i myself had seen them, she very pregnant with a second child. I saw them in a place, where very pregnant women who is on their month to deliver should never be, until the late night. Although they were with friends, it was obvious they are still an item. Now that she had given birth, it seems they are still continuing with their illicit relations. and my poor friend had no inkling whatsoever. His work entails him to travel constantly.
Now,my other friends are prodding me to tell my male friend about what i know.But how can I? how can i break his heart? he love
7 responses
@crackx (628)
• Belgium
26 Jun 10
If I was in your situation, I'd tell the friend. I couldn't live with the lie of what this "wife" or girl is doing, but it's wrong. It's better to tell him, knowing that it brakes his heart, when he would be hurt way and way more than not telling. If he has to witness it himself it is possible that it would end just very very bad.
I mean it's just not a way someone can be. I don't know this friend of yours, but he isn't worthy of being treated like this.
It's better to break someone's heart a little bit than to experience it all yourself, if he would experience it himself...it would be much harder to ever trust others again. Please stop worrying and tell him the story. It would make you and your friend feel much better. It can't go on like this...
@deriellevc73 (982)
• Philippines
26 Jun 10
that is exactly my sentiment, i couldn't live with the life of his wife. and what's so heartbreaking is that my male friend is very kind and nice to her. He even bought her a car so that she won't have a hard time reporting for work. The only thing that maybe is not to his credit is that, he tinkers more with his gadgets than his wife. I was told by the wife herself that she don't know what to do to entice her husband (this was before she got pregnant with the first baby), since he seems more fond tinkering with computers and gadgets than her.
what worries me is how he will take my telling him. I don't want him to get mad at me but i can't bear it no longer, knowing how his wife is betraying him, and all the other people knowing about it.
Yeah, it should not go on like this..i have to make an action..
@crackx (628)
• Belgium
26 Jun 10
Yea, it is possible that the guy is thinking a lot of his gadgets, but it can not be a reason to be cheating on him, especially not when he does such things. You really have to work quite a time for buying a car and I think that if you do such a thing, it's impossible to cheat on someone that cares so much for the other...
There is no way to be sure, since it definetly will be hard for him. It's not easy but it might turn out even harder.
The best thing indeed is that you do something, it's possible he won't believe you. But in the end he will know you are very honest to him and that you wanted to prevent further damage to his heart. It's the best for you, your friend and this wife... I wish you all the best with taking your actions, it's hard to come up with the story to him as I probably can't help you there. But it is the best... If you need anything feel free to ask, but I'm not so good in telling how to bring over such stories... All the best deriellevc
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@xuliwei123 (155)
• China
27 Jun 10
I know this is in your heart, tell your friends, his wife is cheating, but it is not you. If you tell him, it will not only ruin his marriage, but it will destroy your friendship. Go to her, tell her, everybody knows what is going on, she is the best directly with her husband, coupled with her lover, or leave her husband, and your lover. Let its own choice, but let her understand, if she doesn't admit her infidelity, in the certain time, i.e., a month later, the people, annonimously, will let her husband know. If you still feel you should tell him (her husband, your friend), and then carefully. Perhaps he should drop hints. Don't just blurt out.
@deriellevc73 (982)
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
thanks xuliwei for sharing your opinion on this matter. i have already tried to tell the "wife" but she turned against me. I don't even know what she's been telling her husband about me, to cover for her indiscretions.
yeah, i am still planning how to tell it to him and when's the right time. the right time and how i say it will count, i know for his reaction.
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
27 Jun 10
what would you want him to do if it was you?
i would tell him what she is doing he does have th right to know, yeah it sucks but it needs to be told to him.
my one friend found out my wife was having an affaird she didnt tell me and i was upset with her. but i do understand it was hard to say hey your wife is screwing one of your so call friend.
so yeah i would tell him and it would bite if the kids wasnt his. and if they arent then he really need to know.
@Rainegurl (2156)
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
You are indeed in a very difficult situation
If you are sure that the wife is cheating, I think it is best that you tell him straight. He would be hurt, of course, even hate you for a while, but in the end, I think being honest with him is the best thing to do. Just make him feel that you have the best intentions and that you are on his side.
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@deriellevc73 (982)
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
thanks rainegurl! i'm planning to let him know, as to how and as to when, i am not yet decided. i know that it matters so much, how i will deliver the news to him. i don't want to destroy their marriage, but i just want him to be informed, any decision for his future, i am already out of it.
@artistry (4151)
• United States
27 Jun 10
...Hi there, You are in a tricky situation here. On onbe hand if your tell your friend, he is going to feel humilated and sick over it especially if he loves his wfife. On the other hand if you don't tell him and he finds out some other way and finds that you knew as well and didn't let him know, he will be angry. I think my choice would be to let someone else tell him, i would not. I think that I could explain it to him that I didn't want to hurt him asnd he would understand, rather than telling him and possibly destroying his marriage. The babies may be the other man's but who knows, only a paternity test, unless the husband is sterile and doesn't know it. So your choice, but I would not tell him. My cousin's husband was cheating on her, actually wound up marrying the other woman. I knew because the two of them, the husband and girlfriend were in a class by chance with me and I saw them every week. It was not my business. If I had told her, and they worked it out, who would be the enemy, me, no thanks. So she showed me a picture of the girl that she found in his pocket, trouble there, and I told her they were in my class, she asked me why I didn't say anything, and I told her not my business, I would not want her telling me about my husband. My choice. Take care. Good luck with your decision.
@deriellevc73 (982)
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
hi artistry!
thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. You have a point there. i know for a fact that there are people who knows what's going on in their lives, but they just want to turn a blind eye to it, for reasons only they know and understand. Maybe, my friend know of his wife's infidelity but just don't want to acknowledge it because he loves her too much and my telling him and letting him know that we already know may only aggrieved him and turn him against me.
that is a matter that i have to consider too, i could lose his friendship by telling him but i guess it won't matter coz i believe that true friendship goes beyond quarrel & petty misunderstandings. Maybe he would get mad at me for a time, but if he is a real friend, he would come to understand what you will do..for the sake of friendship.
@paresh89 (30)
• India
27 Jun 10
dont tell your male friend , tell his wife that wha she is doing is wrong . that your friend didnt contradict or discuss with his wife on the issue ? was a bit suprised to me . he should have discussed with his wife but he didnt , and the first child and second child happend and your friend doesnt know about it . it doesnt go down the line with me .. he ur friend knows it and may be he pay back its wife with his own terms.. u dont worry just tell your friend what you have heard or seen . it his life let he decides what he wants to do with it .
@anne25penn (3305)
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
People always tell us not to meddle into other peoples' affairs. But I have always been straight forward with these kind of things. I have posted that my ex-bf hooked up with his old gf twenty years back, and this GF is already married with kids. I really sought out the name of her husband and told him that his wife and my ex were having an affair. Even if it turned out bad because her husband thought I was harassing them. But he eventually learned the truth because he hacked both their accounts and was able to read their exchanges.
Before you tell your friend, you have to be ready for any negative reaction both from your friend and his wife. The wife will make you look stupid and a gossip monger believe me. But if you feel that you should tell your friend what you know, you should do it without any regrets if you do decide to tell. I have never regretted telling the husband of the girl, even if it meant that my ex-bf hates me more because of what I did.
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