AM I with my true love.....or not??
@messageme (2821)
United States
June 28, 2010 11:07am CST
I read a disscussion that made me wonder this...What do you think? Am I with my true love or not??
I believe I am with my true love. I never even look at another man in any way. I miss my love everytime he is gone to work or anywhere. I do think of him most the time and I am so happy when we are together even if we are doing nothing.
BUT....
about a year ago he broke up with me and started dating someone else. We have a child together and he tried taking our child away from me. It was a very very hard time in our life.
we have six kids all together; he has 3 and I have 2 and we have one together. Very stressful. I never ever had a dout in my mind of how much I loved him or anything until he did that stuff a year ago...some say he went through mid life crisis. In the end we were back together he told the truth of the lies he spoke to others and he says he never did stop loving me. HE MADE A MISTAKE is what he says.
I still feel I love him just as much but there is always that question in my mind why did I take him back, will he do it again? I feel I love him more than he loves me cuz I would have never done that too him. I feel he does love me (but for the time being). I still think of what happen and the cruel words spoken and the heartless actions he had done. I stll picture him with that other *&&%% he was with and it breaks my heart.
Will these thoughts and questions ever go away? Does that mean I don't truely love him or he is not my true love?
2 people like this
11 responses
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
28 Jun 10
Only time will tell. Once trust is broken, it takes a lot to gain it again. He broke your trust a year ago and it's quite natural for you to feel the way you do now. It will take some time but, if he is sincere and truly sorry for what he did and does not do it again, you will learn to become more comfortable with him again.
I wish I could tell you that he will never do it again but I can't. All I can say is that it sounds like he is truly sorry and wants to spend his life with you. It will take time for you to trust him fully again, if ever. You may never be able to trust him like you did before last year but it will become less in your conscious mind and move back into your subconscious.
"Time heals all wounds and wounds all heels." Very true! Women, in general, are much more forgiving than men are in situations like this. It's very hard being a woman sometimes. But, it does show that we're better than most men!
Hang in there and hope for the best. If he's being honest with you and will never do this again, you will learn to trust him again. It just takes time.
@messageme (2821)
• United States
28 Jun 10
time has helped but there are still the littlest things that trigger the memories of such horrible events :( and slowly I do feel some trust coming back but it is still the one day he is going to wake up and say I dont love you that fears me. I try to focus on the goods times at hand and not think of the future but sometimes it is hard.
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
28 Jun 10
I know it's hard, especially when men think we should "get over it" as soon as they want us to. Some men just don't understand how deeply what they did has hurt us. Maybe it's that they feel guilty every time it's brought up and they simply don't want to have to remember the stupid thing they did.
But, you should really try to not bring it up to him because that may drive him away. If you need to cry, vent, or just talk about it to someone, go to a good friend or family member, or come here to your myLot family to find the strength to get through.
It sounds to me like you never did have a talk with him about how deeply hurt you were and it's still bothering you. You need to try to resolve that in your own mind and put it behind you. As long as he is trying to make a good life with you, you should really try to live for the day and plan for a great future together.
If you can't, perhaps talking to a counselor or minister/priest would be a good idea. My ex cheated on me almost constantly. I went to counseling and it really helped me to deal with it. My ex wouldn't stop cheating so we had to break up but he never did promise to never do it again. Your man has promised so you'll have to take him on his word and try to live as though he will never do it again.
If you worry too much about something that might happen, you could potentially make it happen. So, whatever it takes, you need to try to put it behind you and treat your man as lovingly as he's now treating you. It sounds like you two do have a great relationship now and I hope it lasts forever!
@messageme (2821)
• United States
29 Jun 10
Your words are about to the T and everything you say has so much meaning in it. Greatly appreciated! However I have explained and we have talked many times of how bad he had hurt me. He says he tries to understand, which is good enough for me because I dont think anyone could truely understand the pain unless they were in my posittion. At least he acknowledges it though. Im sure if your husband cheated on you countless times you have an idea of what kind of pain a loved one can bring you.
Thanks so much for your words!! I think if I focus to much on what he might do not only will I probably drive him to it, but I won't be able to enjoy the time we have now. I knwo these things but sometimes it is so hard not to share my thoughts about that subject when i am thinking them. Heck I can't keep my mouth shut about anything with him...he is my best friend I tell him everything. :)I do have good hopes!
@MischiefFilledMe (268)
• United States
1 Jul 10
It sounds like you're totally committed to the relationship. Good for you. But if he did THAT to you, and he expects you to believe that it was "just a midlife crisis," it's a bunch of crap. I think a lot of guys just use that as an excuse to get out of things they do. I know if I was in that situation, he'd have to jump through HOOPS to get me to trust him enough to get back together.
@messageme (2821)
• United States
1 Jul 10
OH trust me he had too!! It wasn't just a wanna get back together and i said yes...he had to prove a lot of things to me first!!
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
28 Jun 10
I'm sure u love him, i think u just don't trust him & i sure can ubderstand that. I WOULDN'T EVER trust him.I think once a cheater always a cheater,
@amyson (3498)
• Philippines
28 Jun 10
your definitely in love with your husband i am 100 % sure.on the same way if his serious about talking he made a mistake to have you i think you need first to clarify what he means.do he mean to hurt you or he just joking by saying this because his not happy anymore?or another thing is that he is pressure because of many problems.talk to him when he is calm and try to talk in a low tone voice so that he can talk openly and share what's bothering him or he still love you or is there someone else besides me?these are the tings you need to clarify.let him speak for himself.
@messageme (2821)
• United States
28 Jun 10
Him saying he made a mistake he is talking about when he left me. We haven't had any issues since we have been back together other than when I bring up the past he gets mad and says why can't we move on he learned from his mistake and he would never leave me or lie to me again! other than that he shows me his love everyday and tells me he loves me all the time. I just can't stop thinking about the past even after a year!!
@meirhu (363)
• Israel
29 Jun 10
I've mentioned before that trying to live up to definitions is NOT a good idea.
It doesn't matter if your love for him can be called "true" or if it can't.
What IS important - are you happy with him ? And that means more than unhappy.
No one is perfect especially because it's OUR definition of "perfect" that we're trying to dress our loved one with, not hirs.
If it's good - stick with him. If it ISN'T then leave. Very simple.
@edwardjoy2000 (2387)
• United Arab Emirates
28 Jun 10
I have gone through a similar situation. I love my wife lots. I was in touch with her friend and it was plainly professional. i was trying to get a new job through her guidance. We did chat online. But I had nothing to do with her. But my wife created an issue of it. then we were togather again.
Now that I am away from home my wife is in a relation with her childhood friend. She does not hide anything from me. She did tell me about their relation. I forgave her and said thats fine and we all tend to do mistakes as human beings. She does not want to live with me as she is feeling guilty and neither is that guy going to marry her. I have assured her i will not remind her of the past, i will love her more than before and i will keep her happy. She has swinging mind as sometimes she says ok and the sometimes she says she does not want to live with me. But i still have hope as small as a mustard seed thet she still loves me and one day things will be fine.
@edwardjoy2000 (2387)
• United Arab Emirates
28 Jun 10
I think that once you lose something you understand the value of it and when you get it back you will preserve it all your life.
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
28 Jun 10
I would say that love conquered all if you took him back! I know I probably wouldn't not matter if I loved him or not after doing something like that...but that's just me. You obviously love him very much...hope things keep going for the best for the both of you.
@onlinerep01 (490)
• United States
29 Jun 10
Hello Message Me,
Me and my hubby are the same way when, we are together and apart. I enjoy being with him when we are together even, when we are doing nothing, and when he is gone to work, I can't wait till he gets back home. In my honest opinion I can say you are attached.
@dian21 (606)
• Philippines
29 Jun 10
Trust is very hard to give once it was broken already by the one you loved most. But since you truly love him that is why you were able to accept him even if he did those mistakes to you, I think you should not doubt your feeling if he is truly your love. Definitely he is truly your love. You accepted him already, you should also be open for the risk and possibilities that he might do it again. But if not, then you should be thankful for that. It seems that you are loving without asking anything in return. So, let's just hope and pray that he changed already and he won't do that again.
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
17 Jul 10
thats hard :( why did he get separated from that woman? did she leave him? or was him leaving her bcs still loved you? bcs he knew you loved him so dont know you are afraid he takes you for granted right? :( im very sad that he did that to you but everyone makes mistakes and he regret what he did right? im sure he wont leave you again^^ forget all he did and live a happy life with him again^^ if you want to be with him again you need to forget the past things or that will haunt your relationship forever :( let that go. and yes you truly love him bcs you accepted him even after he hurt you and leave you like that^^ so sure you truly love him^^ if he loves you too and shows that and really regrets what he did and do all for you then yes he is your true love^^ but he need to care always and be there always for you^^
@jehadh (13)
• United Arab Emirates
29 Jun 10
I've been asking myself this question for along time , actually it is very hard to determine if this is the best i can have but days go by you'll discover the true love don't run after love , love will run after you believe me one day while having a cup of tea an ANGEL will fall from the sky !!
Well it seem that he is not the proper guy or it is not the proper time to determine
but don't worry Your Heart will guide you in the proper moment :)
