When you're too old to live alone

Hello silvercoin. This is a very sad situation. From what you write, I assume she doesn't want to leave her home, and that the children aren't totally aware of the situation. Someone needs to contact your local Agency on Aging. They may be able to help arrange for periodic home care. Also, there is a relatively new situation that might be available. There are new businesses starting up that provide home care from others in the community. There are many older people who don't want to leave their homes but need help to stay there. That is what these people provide, and, from my knowledge, the cost is minimal. Now, these are not trained people. They're just other comunnity members who want to help. Most are older folks who are able to help out. They come in and help clean, cook, help with personal care, or whatever needs done...maybe even run errands, grocery shopping, and so on. Everyone benefits...the one who needs help, and the helpers. The helpers get the satisifaction of doing a good deed, and they earn a few bucks to help themselves. Perhaps someone needs to have a chat with the kids, and see what can be done.

I'm sure it is really hard to admit that you need help and that you can't do things on your own any more. At the same time, if she does need help, whether she is willing to ask for it or not, the children need to step up and figure out what needs to be done so that she is taken care of.

First of all if her children are ignoring the signs that is called elder abuse. Second contact a Senior Center and also Social Services. There are options to her living alone. There is Senior Assisted living places where she lives in her own apartment but does not have to prepare all the meals and there are others there to help and notice if she needs help. They have the option to cook or not and they have things for them to use in a community area of the living place. Or some relative or friend might be able to move in with her a grandchild if old enough or sibling or even a child. The children of this woman need to be made aware they need to step up and take responsibility. I am sure they are ignoring her needs as none of them want to take her in to their home or pay for her housing if need. If I were you I would try and talk to some of the womans adult children and if they get nasty about it call Senior Services to get this lady the help she needs.

Probably that she doesn't want to burden her children. I have also witness alot of elders in my area who went through the same thing. I even made a discussion on mylot and someone was against me. I am not even kidding. I think that it depends on the culture maybe. In my asian background, the elders have to be taken care of by the children because it is our way to show them grattitude. I've seen some asian family that didn't follow the tradition and just left them in a house alone because they were too busy working. My mom's friend works in an elder house for cleaning and there is this gradpa who buys gifts every year for his grandchildren on christmas but they never came to visit him over. OVer the years, the gifts collect dust. It's breaking my heart to hear this kind of thing. Maybe it is about time that someone gives her a hand by telling her children about her state. At least, they have been warned and maybe it will make them think. My grandma lives with me and there is no way I will abandon her. Family members should take care of their elders when they are around and not when it's too late.

That 'old lady's' children shouldn't have to be told that. If they come to see her like they should they shouldn't have to be told. They are probably like alot of kids & don't want to be bothered w/her. It's very sad to me that children don't see what their parents need because they don't want to be bothered.

That situation of the old lady is really hard same as your situation. I know as much as you want to help the old lady, but you also have your own life. I think it would be better if you could let her children know her situation whenever they leave their mother already alone, or ask them to have someone or any relatives to stay with her. If they will not do anything, I think it would be better for her to stay first in elderly house rather than being alone and will have difficulty taking care of herself.

See if you can discuss the situation with the officials , don't give name or address, just make it a what if talk. Find out what their take is on the situation. Then go on from there, no matter what someone needs to tell her kids. If something is not done this may become a tragic thing that I am sure no one wants to have to say to themselves, (if only I had done something)

I always heard that to some western countries that really depends on the culture. In our country, we love extended family so most likely even those married children still staying with their parents. It is beneficial sometimes for the parents especially for the old ones like the one you mentioned, because they will be well taken care of. As for, I guess it is better for the old lady to be in an institution like home for the aged so that she will be cared of.

I feel sorry for her but I won't know what to do as well of I was her neighbor. I'd probably start of with helping her on my free time, like what you did, but then it can't go on like that forever. Maybe the best thing to do is to tell her children or anyone who might be visiting her, about her real situation because I wouldn't want her to be miserable anymore. You said that she may be afraid of going to an elderly house, but I think that that is better than just living alone without any help at all. Or maybe,if she doesn't want to leave the house, then I may suggest to her children that they bring in someone to help her out, like a caregiver. I'm sure her children will realize soon that she needs someone to attend to her basic needs.