Is my father getting possessive?

Hi Sweethums, Welcome to Mylot! Your dad sounds as if he is still angry at your mom for leaving and maybe not being there for you. Whatever the reason for that is, it was something between your mom and your dad. You have every right to know and spend time with your mom. Your dad sounds still pretty bitter almost as if you should be as angry at her as he is. Reassure your dad that you will miss him on the holidays and that you love him but that you want to get to know the other side of your family. He may not like it but in the end he will come around. You should have a day that you could celebrate Christmas with your dad too...your own special Christmas.

Possessive is not the word I would use. He probably feels hurt and abandoned by your mother, and he wants you to empathize with him and hate her and her family too. He thinks that you're sleeping with the enemy and any communication with your mother is betrayal. It's difficult to maintain good relations with both parents when they are separated. Must have been a bad separation as there seems to be residual unresolved anger. Best thing (and also the hardest) is to give them closure.

It's not that he doesnt understand you, its just that he loves you and may know things about your other side of the family that he wants to protect you from. I mean, your mom has been an absent parent and he has been responsible for you most of your life. I have an 18 year old daughter, and I have kept her away from her dad's side of the family, not because I was being possessive, but there were things about them that I knew if she spent to much time with them could rub off on her and I just did not want that. Now she is 18 years old now and can decide for her own if she would like to visit with them and she actually has, but I do feel that I have instilled enough good character in her now that she can make wise decisions concearning them. Try to look at it from your father's view. He may not know how to express himself in a way that you will know where he is coming from. But believe me, it is from love. And please don't let this make you rebell against him.

He's not possessive. He just feels betrayed and he doesn't want you to get hurt. I mean where was mom at that whole time and in what way did she help take care of you growing up? As a parent who is raising two girls on her own I can kind of relate to your dads feeling but I also grew up without my mom so I can relate to the need to know where I came from. Have you explained that to your dad? It might help to get him to reverse sides with you so he can imagine himself in your position then he might have a better understanding.

Give him some time to move on, He still feeling bitter on what happen, You as his daughter must be the one to understand him. Give him some time. For now you can talk to your mother or seeing her without the knowledge of your father, explain to your mother that you cannot stay long. There is nothing wrong with the white lies for the benefit of other feeling for not getting hurt. Then little by little explain to your father that he have to move on,to get ease the situation of the 3 of you. Encourage him to set aside the grudges,If he will do it he will feeling better.Now is the time to do your part sweetthums. Be a peacemaker between your parents. GOODLUCK.

There will never be a right or wrong answers to this kind of questions, I think. Divorced parents always have a different way to react to things, and this is another proof. I don't think he's being possessive though, I think he may fear you would eventually leave him and go to live with your mother when you'll grow more attachment to her. I think you should explain to him that you feel the need to know them and her family, since she's a part of your life that remained totally obscure to you for 30 years, though that doesn't mean you're going to leave him.

Hi although it seems they dont like each other I am sure they all love you very much and perhaps you could work on this and ask both to get along for a couple of hours so that you can enjoy C hristmas altogether. Maybe your mum would be easier to get to be with him and then you could tell him that your mum is willing for you all to put the past behind you, even for a few hours. It sounds as if he is in a rut and not let the years heal things but if they meet again might be different.

It think so, you cant blame your father but he should let you spend time with your mother. No matter the reason of their breaking up, he should let you love your mother and her family.

I think your father is really possessive.But if you wanna solve the problem,you still need to let him understand what you are thinking about and that what he does is wrong.Oh~It's difficult but good luck to you~

lots of dad are like that they wont listen or they just dont want to understand coz your his daughter,,they act as if like they know everything in but they dont,,i think its right for you to reach your mum/relatives so that you can know your cousin in mother side.. as for your dad maybe they have some unfinished business.. yah i think your dad is kinda possessive.... at least he will and try to understand that she is your mother and you have the right to reach out to you mother,,for me there is no problem with it

That really is a delicate situation you're in sweethums, and it does seem your father has become possessive but probably only because since he's been living with you for 30 years, excluding your mum and her family, he probably sees her as a sort of stranger to both him and you, and is probably worried for you in the way that parents do, although you're probably his only really close family and when you leave to go and spend time with your mum, he probably recognised that he would be feeling lonely and probably may feel slightly betrayed as you said that he becomes annoyed and tells you that your mother and her family didn't take care of you so there could be the sense that he feels you owe your attention to him because he took care of you and she didn't. I'd say that your best shot at winning him over to your side of reasoning would be telling him that you love him, you do feel that you're closer to him and grateful to him too for what he's done for you, and that if anything, your strengthened relationship with your mum and her family won't affect your relationship with him, and he will take time to come around that but he will understand that you have more than just one parent in your life, and it's time that the other finally deserves some attention.

I think protective is a better description of what your dad is being. He may also be hurt and feel like you are abadnonding him, which of course is not the case. Getting to know your mom is a desire he should understand but when you love your child, ration does not always play into it. Maybe he sees your mom as abanddoning not only him but you and he is having trouble understanding why you would forgive her when he can't. Just a theory.

From my point of view ,Your father is still angry with your mother or their maybe some reason that he cant forget throughout his life.For that you should ask him and solve the problem if you wants to get closer to your mother.

Ya i think your father is bit possessive.so try to convince your father that you want to get closer to your mom.Any way best of luck.