Abused in a relashionship?
By SlevinSlide
@SlevinSlide (19)
Romania
July 3, 2010 4:20am CST
And I'm not necessarily talking about physical abuse, but emotional abuse.
I've met this problem many times and, in most cases, it's linked to the low self-esteem of the victim. Still, that doesn't explain enough. It's a lot more complicated, involving various past traumatic events, desires and, strange as it may seem, fantasies.
So, let's talk about it. I would mostly like to hear from those that are experiencing something like that right now. Who knows, maybe you'll get a few of the answers you're probably looking for.
Everyone else is also welcome, of course. :)
1 person likes this
9 responses
@tomitomi (5429)
• Singapore
3 Jul 10
It's really one of the saddest things for anyone to suffer. Such wounds may not heal as fast as the physical wounds. In some cases emotional abuse during childhood may take a lifetime to heal or never. If anyone should know that he/she is suffering from an emotional abuse please get help. Talk to someone.
I love the beauty of this topic. I hope it reaches out to those who have been emotionally abused to get help or find some answers here. The least, it's a revelation. Thank you SlevinSlide for this. 
1 person likes this
@SlevinSlide (19)
• Romania
3 Jul 10
My pleasure. Reaching out to those with emotional problems is exactly the point of the discussion.
Best of luck!
@edwardjoy2000 (2387)
• United Arab Emirates
3 Jul 10
I have a friend of mine who is being abused every step of life. He is a highly qualified person and his wife is not. His wife left school at an early age as she was not good in studies. This person has worked hard to complete his studies and has reached this position. Wife worked up to an age of 25 and has not been working since then, now for she is 31. She is not satisfied with the guys salary and abuses in front of his friends that he does not have a good job, less salary etc. The guy is madly in love with her and does not utter a word. he works Overtime and on weekends just to earn more salary. Now she blames that he does not give her time and is ignoring her.
@malihat (216)
•
3 Jul 10
That sounds absolutely awful! Your friend's wife needs to see how hard he is working for her. She sounds like one of those people who is never happy with anything. If he works overtime, she says he has no time for her, and if he doesn't, she complains about money. My sympathies are with your friend.
@SlevinSlide (19)
• Romania
3 Jul 10
First of all, your friend's wife is a frustrated little b****. Problem is, she needs to take it out on others. This happens because of 2 main reasons:
1. That person is projecting his/her own insecurities on other people. Yes, she feels that she's useless. Yes, she knows that she should be working. So, in order to feel better about herself, she bashes your friend. It's quite simple, actually: "I may not be working, but, if he earned more, I wouldn't have to worry about this.". In time, this excuse became her state of mind (her "Frame", if you're familiar with the term), so things got worse: she doesn't even consider the fact that he makes all the money, she simply expects him to make more. Your friend is also guilty, because he encouraged this attitude. He just made her feel that she's entitled to... pretty much everything (result: "I deserve to do nothing and have someone earning money for me").
2. She feels that he is better (more qualified, hard-working etc.), so she has this need to drag him to her level. "I don't work, so I make no money, but look at him: he has a degree in ... and only makes that money. What kind of money is that? Furthermore, he accepts this kind of a treatment. He is better than me, but I get to kick him around and he won't say a damn word!".
However, what I just told works on a subconscious level. It's not that she plans to do all these things; she just feels useless, so her subconscious mind comes up with ways to make her feel better.
Now, to get to your friend: he is stupid. In love and stupid. He needs to be in a relationship to feel worthy, so he puts up with her attitude. These people idealize their partners and get to the point where they love whatever they wish their partners were... and can't see that, in reality, their partners are far from that ideal. Instead, they feel unworthy.
Sure, she also needs him around. He's better and he loves her, so it makes her feel worthy too. Unfortunately, constantly bashing him makes her feel even better (if she can humiliate someone she regards as superior, maybe she's not that bad after all) and it helps her take that resentment out.
Let's see what's going to happen: she will find someone else. It's inevitable. And guess what: she will blame it on your friend. He didn't have time for her, so he's guilty. "Had you made more money in the first place, none of these would have happened!".
My advice: be there when it happens. Your friend will be devastated and in need of someone to talk to. Also, try to make sure he doesn't come to the conclusion that all women are hoes and deserve to be treated like dirt. After all, his own weakness will have made him have his heart broken.
Sure, if you want to help him "get out from under her spell", I could tell you how to do it. It's not guaranteed to work (nothing is), but it offers great odds and, if you succeed, it will save him a lot of tears. The downside: it may take some time, a little planning and, to some extent, manipulation. Your call.
Cheers!
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
3 Jul 10
emotional abuse is just as bad, to me if a man does this to a woman he isnt a real man. and the phsical abuse will soon follow. so call jerks does this because deep inside of them they know they are a peice of crap and dont feel good about themsef so they need to drag someone ealse down with them
first it might start out controling, then this, then comes physical abuse. i tell women all the time who been through this, and even guys..
they deserve so much better and they are well worth better then this. if their spouce or b.f or g/f wants to be this way kick them to the curb.
my one friend wife does this to him, she made the mistake and tried it with me. i told her straight out first of all i am not her husband, second of all if i was she wouldnt be talking to me this way, and she need to learn some respect real fast because i will give it right back
to boil it down, everyone deserve better and desreve to be respected and treated good. dont take this off no one
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
3 Jul 10
i heard about my mom and my cousin's wife talking about how she is emotionally abused at his husbands sister home. after all the caring for his sisters kids and then now she's being ranted on to something she didn't do or probably like treat her like a maid or something. well, she would been better if she stayed here but they just couldn't leave the kids alone
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
3 Jul 10
Hello there,
Yeah, it happens to me most of the time, but i guess it's about the low self esteem that i have been having for the last few years knowing that i was unemployed. there are chance that i don't go out because of insecurity of being asked about my job, sometimes i don't answer it anymore. i hate to lie though.when insecurity arises, that's when the emotional problem comes with out thinking of some one elses feelings
@SlevinSlide (19)
• Romania
3 Jul 10
You know, any problem can be solved. In your case, there are 2 simple solutions:
1. get a job (I know it's pretty difficult, given the financial crisis nowadays);
2. do something else to get some money.
The problem doesn't lie in other people's opinions, but in your opinion on yourself. and, if you got something you don't like, the only sensible thing to do is change it.
Cheers!
@malihat (216)
•
3 Jul 10
I have never been physically abused in a relationship, but one of my ex boyfriends did put me through a lot of emotional abuse when we were together. Basically, he wanted to move too fast too soon and I just wasn't ready and he kept trying to pressurize me into doing things I didn't want to do. He also tried to emotionally blackmail me, and when that didn't work, he broke up with me. A few weeks later he asked me to get back with him but I told him to sod off, and do not regret my decision!
@ceduard23 (93)
• Romania
6 Jul 10
if you are suffering please tell us what is it maybe we can help you
@eLsMarie (4345)
• Philippines
6 Jul 10
Among the different kinds of abuses, emotional abuse is very much excruciating. It's very deep that it can lead you to killing or hurting yourself physically. Some people who are experiencing this are most likely would want to destroy themselves in a way that they will no longer feel the pain inside them.
@ebuscat (5935)
• Philippines
4 Jul 10
For me it is happened anywhere in us but if you through your burden to Jehovah God then it is happened no matter you are now you better okey.
@jojosantos (6)
•
3 Jul 10
I understand how you feel regarding emotional abuse. The problem when you experience these things, you have no escape nor there's anybody comforting you. Maybe, its better you look for friends qualified to give you counsel. Maybe you have not tried to pray.
