What more can I do to help?
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
Canada
July 5, 2010 9:11am CST
A truly wonderful person in my life is having a really hard time. As a result of the economy and the jobless statistics and more, this person has had more difficulties piled on their shoulders than anyone should ever have to deal with. Having suffered with depression myself a couple of times in my life, I clearly recognize the signs -- a huge increase in time spent sleeping being the most obvious. There is no value in recommending therapy because I know this person would not respond well to it (at least not at this time)... and has also said on many occasions "I would never go because it would do nothing for me." Of course many people would beg to differ but, right now, there is no point in pushing the issue, I don't think. This friend lives a far distance from me so I cannot help in person. I try to be the best friend and best support that I can, talking and listening and sometimes just "being there" to say nothing at all, if that's what is needed. I just feel kind of helpless though... I wish I could be doing something more constructive, more concrete. If you've ever suffered with depression or have someone in your life that does, do you have any suggestions of what I could or should do to help?
1 person likes this
7 responses
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
5 Jul 10
Just be supportive and provide encouragement when and where it's appropriate. As I am sure you know, depression that comes from being anxious, frustrate and helpless over life's adversities is not something someone else can fix for you. You friend has to make the choice to rise above the situation and trudge onward until the sun comes out again.
Happiness is a choice.
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
6 Jul 10
I think the hardest part is when you see someone reach the stage where they don't believe they will ever have that choice. When you lose everything and then you look at your life and wonder if you even have enough time left to rebuild things, it's overwhelming ... and I do understand that very well. I'm doing what you've said in terms of providing encouragement and trying to understand where it's appropriate. Sometimes, it's easy to say too much... and I'm trying hard to know the difference. Thanks for giving me that reminder :)
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
6 Jul 10
It's a tough situation. Maybe you can send inspirational messages or schedule egreetings or something like that.
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
6 Jul 10
That's true, too... regular small reminders that someone is thinking about you and cares what is happening to you can make a lot of difference during the roughest times.
@sweetloveforeve (13118)
• Portugal
6 Jul 10
maybe you could tell him how sweet he is and that he shouldnt think so negative. that he has people that can help him solve his problems. he must share his problems and im sure that there is a solution. tell him how good he is and that you need him to be fine and dont be so sad. tell him to go out and cheer up. go to cinema, go out with his friends. but he cant sleep so much. he need to see the world outside and having fun. just dont forget to be always there for him and say to him you wont leave his side and that you want him to be happy^^ if you need more help just say^^ i can be his friend also if you want to^^
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
6 Jul 10
I try to remember to say things like "you are such a valuable person" or "you are important in this world" or "you mean so much to me," along with trying to discuss the problems of the situation. I feel like it's very important to reinforce the positives in spite of all the negatives. I do worry about the amount of sleep and try to keep conversations going, for example, to avoid the tendency to want "take a nap"... mostly because the naps can go for SO many hours or even around the clock. Thanks so much for your positive response! You are a very kind person :)
@sweetloveforeve (13118)
• Portugal
6 Jul 10
thanks^^ you too are a very kind person worrying so muchy about your friend^^ anything you need just talk with me^^ i be happy to help you and your friend^^ wish he be fine soon and that all his sadness goes away^^ no matter what make him feel that you always be there to help him and that you really will do anything to see him smile again^^
1 person likes this
@nainesh1 (1656)
• India
5 Jul 10
At this time you are doing what you can do most ,if you can reach him just spend some time with him it will do a lot for him. I know you are living away from him but if possible meet him in weekends and give your valuable support to him.
You are thinking for someone else is a big thing in the world where no one has time for think for other people.
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
6 Jul 10
We can't get together in person but I will be the best support I can be from where I am right now. Thank you for you kinds words too... I will always be there for my family and friends and the people I care about. I don't have the capacity to see someone suffering and do nothing to try to help ease their burdens.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
5 Jul 10
This is so frustrating, there are times when people you care about are walking just to close to the edge. You can see it but they may not. If only we were allowed to see the whole picture we might be able to do something, but then again maybe this is just something your friend must go through. The older I get the more I am aware that life is a big challenge and that through that challenge we grow. This doesn't mean that you should stop supporting your friend it just means that you must be prepared to do your best and than accept the results. If you can know that whatever happens is what was needed in your friend's journey.
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
6 Jul 10
Thank you so much, savypat... your response is so insightful to me and really resonates. I do feel that my friend is walking too close to the edge sometimes and naturally your instincts are to step in and try to protect. I know that we can't always "save" someone but I'm going to do as you've said -- I will support as much and for as long as I can, doing my best, and I have to have the strength to accept what happens as what was meant to be. I know that will be a hard thing... but this friendship is worth that and more.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
5 Jul 10
I think that you are doing all you can under the circumstances. If you knew a family member or close friend of this friend of your that lives closer..maybe you could contact them and express your concerns. Maybe you and them could work together. Take care and I hope your friend seeks the help that they need.
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
6 Jul 10
This is a good suggestion, JenInTN, thank you :) I don't have contact yet but it's not something that would be impossible going forward. Due to everything that has gone on in my friend's life, relationship to family is kind of strained... but it's something to think about and work towards. I appreciate your thoughts and kindness!
@sreepriya (8)
• India
6 Jul 10
Do best what you can do. Dont let the person even though u are supposed to help . Atleast try to help them at times . It really shows ur concern n kindness on the person as well.
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
6 Jul 10
Thank you! :) I'm definitely doing the best that I can out of concern for my friend. I won't give up because this friendship means the world to me.
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
6 Jul 10
Oh it's not that we haven't discussed it... my friend is just incredibly resistant to the idea right now. I think, sometimes, you have to be at least reasonably open to something for it to be successful. I won't give up on the suggestion though. Who knows what could change. Thanks, incus, for your thoughts! :)
