Love and hate
By alabella
@alabella (91)
Poland
July 5, 2010 4:19pm CST
I would like to ask your opinion about my horrible relationship. I hate the guy I used to be with. I have horrible memories, unfulfilled dreams, lost hopes and fear. I do not want to be with him again, he is a man I can not rely upon. However, I still feel I am under his influence, I would like him to change, to be happy with him, but it's impossible. He will not change for better, I wanted to believe in it but it turned out to be opposite. He became a horrible person. So, why my heart is so stupid? I would like to find another good man and be happy but I still think about him, dream of happy times with him. There are other man around me but I still feel I want to be with the bad man. What could you advise me? Shall I hope for his change? Or look for another relationship?
8 responses
@topetotz (163)
• Philippines
6 Jul 10
I think you clear your mind first, settle down and calm yourself. If you don't wanna be with him again but still feels in love with him, maybe you're just confused about it, you're probably just hurt that's why you think of leaving him. Be strong and tough to him, if he doesn't want to change, force him to change lol. If he really loves you, he could and would change for the better. But if all else fails to him, teach him a lesson, maybe he'll realize it sooner or later, but if he didn't, he's not worthy for you. Also, don't get forward into looking for another relationship too fast, give yourself time too, let your heart heal for awhile. Thanks for the topic and much respect
@eLsMarie (4345)
• Philippines
6 Jul 10
You have to accept the fact that you can't change him. The more you wait, the more you waste your precious time. Instead of helping him, why not help yourself? Most women or even men think that they can influence their partner to change but it's not really. We should open our minds to reality.
@marguicha (223089)
• Chile
6 Jul 10
Hi and welcome to mylot!
None of us change, unless we undergo a lobotomy ar have multiple personalities. I don´t understand why so many people get someone and then want them to "change". How about him wanting you to change into a person who would accept him as he is, no matter how obnoxious? Leave him behing and look for someone you like as he is. Or accept the bad man as he is. If you want to be with him, there must be some things of him you like.
Take care!
@wizonosugih (25)
•
6 Jul 10
all efforts have been made. why still hesitate to leave. is not it still much better than him. i assure you. you can definitely better than him. assured in your heart. I'm sure you ca.
@pastigger (612)
• United States
6 Jul 10
You need to be with someone you are happy with who they are not who you think you can make them. You can only change you not someone else. I love my husband for who he is. I don't try and change him. If he asked I do tell him the things he does that I don't care for but no one is perfect and I don't ask him to change them, I just let him know I don't like it. And he also tells me things he dosen't like and he is better now about not trying to change me as well. Good thing to go by is "Love me for me not who you think you can make me"
@mensab (4200)
• Philippines
5 Jul 10
yes, you should hope for the change, for the better of him and you. how do you imagine your life five years from now, ten years? if he is not in the picture, it is wiser to move on and pursue your imagination without the guy. if you are not sure, then it is wiser to attempt another shot at it. this time, be wiser of your dream, hope, memory and emotion. relationships are supposed to make us grow and achieve bigger things. if this is not gonna happen, build a new one. goodluck..
@midnightclub12 (26)
• United States
5 Jul 10
I think you are making the mistake a lot of women make of falling in love with a man's potential instead of his reality. I am sorry to say this, but as a man I know that he won't change. It is extremely difficult if not impossible to change a man that is like this. He has hurt you enough, you need to forget about him and be with someone else, someone that will give you the respect and love you deserve.
