what do you think of a girl who chooses to date a guy who is already taken
By geonelynn
@geonelynn (369)
Philippines
July 6, 2010 7:44am CST
so, i've got this friend who has recently decided to say YES to the guy who has been courting her. my friend knows that he already has a girlfriend and is outside of the country. but the guy firmly says that their relationship has been somewhat rocky and "not clear" because they're always fighting but they have NOT officially broken up.
i have advised my friend to no longer see this guy because of this questionable past relationship that is not yet officially over. this is also to avoid further hurts in the future for her. but to my dismay she did forego with her saying YES.
i do understand that my friend needs attention and affection since it has been a long time that she has no boyfriend. it just pains me to think that maybe she will be hurt in the long run. if i was the girlfriend of the guy i would be hurt too.
what can i tell her to convince her to stay away from him until their relationship is finally over? :)
1 person likes this
24 responses
@pastigger (612)
• United States
6 Jul 10
I think she needs to tell him no. I do not agree with anyone that sees someone that is already in a realationship. She doesn't really know the girlfriends side of the story he could just be blowing smoke just to get some. One of the biggest problems anymore is that no one sees cheating as a problem, or its not their fault, or this other person they have never met deserves it. Think about this if he is willing to cheat, which is what he is doing if they have not broken up, on his girlfriend now he won't find it a problem to cheat again later and again. Cheater need someone else to cheat with so have some respect for youself and not be the other cheater.
1 person likes this
@simonelee (2715)
• China
7 Jul 10
There are many reasons why girls go out with guys who are already taken. Want, like,need,and fun.
Yes, they are out of their mind. All they care is to be "happy" not minding others. This situation are very rampant in certain cities. I imagine you ranging like a bull if your partner being tailed by this kind of girls.
Yes, they are out of their mind. All they care is to be "happy" not minding others. This situation are very rampant in certain cities. I imagine you ranging like a bull if your partner being tailed by this kind of girls.
@ziyadahinc212 (552)
• United States
9 Jul 10
NOTHING! She is a GROWN WOMAN & shes going to do what SOME GROWN WOMAN DO. All U can do is to continue to be a good friend to her and stand by her through it. Think about it like this, she just may know what shes getting into with this guy...may be purely physical on her part or both; she may have been hurt really bad from her last relationship and not trying to re-open old wounds...just try not to judge her ok.
@incus99 (1083)
• Philippines
6 Jul 10
I think that nobody is officially "Taken" unless he or she is married.. even married people go a stray sometimes.. if relationships are built in a very stable foundation of trust and love.. no amount of temptation could shake it off...
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
6 Jul 10
tell her that if he didnt leave his gf yet for her is bcs he doesnt love her so much like he says. if he loves your friend he would had already broken up with that girl. also your friend must think also if she was his gf that was far away? how would she feel if she found out her bf is with other girl now and didnt tell her? i think your friend should talk with the guy and say i can be with you but just after you talk with your gf and finish things. and if you choose not to finish it then i cant be with you. i think your friend must be clear and direct to him. that way neither her neither his gf will be hurt.
@cobrayogesh (174)
• India
7 Jul 10
hehe nice idea ... but just let go of him its complicated with this guy ....there are 1000's of male searching for women the sea is big ask her to row her boat farther into the seas you may get a precious being
@Memnon (2170)
•
7 Jul 10
He should not be approaching her in the first place. He should have the decency to leave his girl if that is what he wants, before courting another. By picking her, and not losing his current girl, he's hedging his bets- and probably getting two girls at the same time.
If he is prepared to treat his current girl like this, he is equally likely to do the same to your friend. She sounds as if she is either naive to believe him, or aware of this, and does not care.
She's lucky to have a friend like you who really cares. I am not quite sure what you can do if she is intent on ignoring you, except pick up the pieces later.
The only thing that I can suggest is to find a public personality that she admires who has been hurt by a partner, and try to convince her of the similarities of the situation.
Good luck in your effeorts.
@whyaskq (7523)
• Singapore
7 Jul 10
I think she is brave to make the decision. Knowing the guy is now ditching his girlfriend, she needs to be aware that the same thing can happen to her. She needs to be prepared for it. Whatever happen, it is her choice. Who knows, perhaps this guy is really meant to be for her?
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
7 Jul 10
geonelynn,
I think it is all fair and square here even though it is not over with the boy's current long distance relationship, which may be seemingly to outsiders like you and me here.
In long distance relationship, the mode is just very much different in every aspect where breaking up is no exception and could be unconventional from a normal relationship. So, it is really up to both parties at the other end.
As for your friend, there's really nothing much you can do as she decides for her life and herself. She will just have to live with her choices and decisions, where hopefully your anticipation will turn out wrong.
Take care and have a nice day.
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
7 Jul 10
She is heading for disappointment. This is a relationship that is doomed from the start. Rejection is just waiting for her. Being with someone who belongs to another will never work out for anyone.
@TheAdvocate (2392)
• Philippines
7 Jul 10
I think that you have done your part in warning her. You cannot live her life for her no matter how disappointing her choices are. She has to make her own mistakes in order to learn. To be a good friend, all you need to do is be there for her when she needs you. You are an outsider in the relationship and just trust your friend that she is doing what is right for her.
@ebuscat (5935)
• Philippines
7 Jul 10
For me just to get money for the guy because she is more in money than to love.
@sathya264 (174)
• India
7 Jul 10
yes i think she had something back to it for saying yes to him.then only she will say like that.no girl cant do like this but she is doing like this means she had some thing serious about her near him.
@rosebinas (180)
• Philippines
7 Jul 10
You've said everything you could to discourage her but she still went on. Well, I don't see anything unacceptable about what they did. The boy is single. Your friend is single. So, what's the problem then? It's her LIFE and she can do anything she wants to do with it. If your friend is happy then why can't you be happy for her too? Chill out!
@celticeagle (168526)
• Boise, Idaho
7 Jul 10
What do I think of such a person? That she obviously has no moral fiber and must be desperate. Alot of needy women out there that will stop at nothing to have a man in their life. The guy really needs to take of his situation. I would come from just that direction when trying to talk to her. If he is handling his last relationship this shabally what she think she should expect from theres?!
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
6 Jul 10
I think that there are alot of people out there that seem to not care that a person is already with a person,yet they start a relationship up with the person.Ask your friend if this was her boyfriend and another woman wanted him how would she feel,also ask her what makes her think that the same will not happen to her if he finds someone new when he gets with her.
@simonelee (2715)
• China
7 Jul 10
Hello, Geon. It is quite irritating to know that your friend is involve in this kind of act especially if she asked for an advice and eventually go for it. People often blinded by reality especially when they "need" love. Hopeless romantic person often victims. I do know someone who's been hooked to this kind of situation and the worst thing was that the guy is married and his reason was the same as what he told to your friend. Guys often use that kind of excuses. Duh!
She was hurt and her life became miserable. After almost a year of crying and heart aches she welcome new suitors but again fell in love with married man. I thought her pass thought her to be more extra careful but she didn't.
She was hurt and her life became miserable. After almost a year of crying and heart aches she welcome new suitors but again fell in love with married man. I thought her pass thought her to be more extra careful but she didn't. 
@natnickeep (2336)
• United States
7 Jul 10
I wouldn't think any less of them necessarily. She obviously just doesn't think very highly of herself. Anyone who thinks they don't deserve to have someone who only loves them has a low self esteem. We might cheat for different reasons and still love someone but completely being in two relationships. He is not in either of them for good reasons. If it's rocky he needs to leave her, plain and simple. She deserves better..all you can do is let her know that and go about your way.
@reco13 (605)
• Philippines
7 Jul 10
Well, I respect your friend's decision of saying yes to the guy. Perhaps, she have just said it because she felt the excitement of being court and loved again after a long time of not having a special someone. I wish she will realize that what she did is really not acceptable since the guy and the girl are not over yet. If she wishes to continue with their relationship, then they must tell the gf that they are already together. I feel sad for the gf and I feel that your friend will only be used... However, if they are really happy, I just wish them good luck because I believe that all relationships that break the rules do not last!
@Feelthemagic (50)
• Canada
6 Jul 10
The simple fact is that untill the "I Do's" have been said, all bets are off. All's fair in LOVE and war. Let them date. That's what it's for, to see if you Like a person enough to marry them. It's obviously not too serious to the guy if he wants to date your friend, over the other girl. Just make sure you let the guy Know, that you Know what's going on. If he's sincere he'll stay If not then he'll back off. In the end we stand with the ones we love.
