Suffering - you or them?
By Amber
@AmbiePam (94354)
United States
July 7, 2010 8:46pm CST
I love my family. And I've seen some of them deal with health problems and thought, if I could take their pain, their health problem, I would. I would gladly take that from them. And I meant it. But now a family member of mine has a health problem I know, I would never take. If I could take that from them, I would not suffer it in their place. Don't get me wrong, I don't want them sick. I think most of you understand me here.
Have you ever thought that? Parents, I'm sure you've thought it before. If you could only bear your child's suffering instead of them, you would. I remember once when I had a migraine (I've been getting them since I was eight), my dad was in the other room (I wasn't quite a teenager I don't think). My mom had been taking care of me, as she always did when I was sick. I always thought my dad was indifferent. But I remember hearing him say to her, if only I could take her place. If only I was the one with the migraines, not her...
7 people like this
16 responses
@1hopefulman (45120)
• Canada
8 Jul 10
We don't like to suffer and we don't like to see our loved ones suffer. In fact we don't like to see anyone suffer. That's why I find so comforting a prophecy that one day there will be no more sickness or suffering.
Isaiah 33:24 (Young's Literal Translation) 24Nor doth an inhabitant say, `I was sick,' The people that is dwelling in it, is forgiven of iniquity!
2 people like this
@Candymin (145)
• China
8 Jul 10
I'm so sorry to hear that. No matter who suffers from the health problem, both the suffering person and his beloved ones are all suffering a lot. I also have a migraine when I was a little girl. My parents do suffer a lot psychologically from their sorry for my pain. They could do nothing but to pay more attention to show their love. I understand your feeling for your family. We all love our family and friends very very much. God bless you and your family. Have a nice day.
Best wishes
2 people like this
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
15 Jul 10
That is so sweet of your dad. Yes I probably would do the same if I could..my kids are grown now but if my little granddaughter had something that I could take on I would...well I probably would do it for my kids too...love makes us want the best for the ones we love.
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
9 Jul 10
Oh Ambie, I feel the same way when my daughter suffered her horrible headaches.. Though like you said there are some we wouldn't want to take on, mostly because I don't think I could handle it and that is the diabetes that took my sister. It ate her up slowly and as upset as I was when she passed away, I realized something. For years I wanted her healed and whole and it wasn't until I felt the need to release her, and had said so as she lie in the hospital after a heart attack that I didn't want to see her suffer no more. She was gone within a few days after that moment..
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
20 Jul 10
Thanks for the BR Ambie, I am still praying for you and your family.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
8 Jul 10
It’s uncanny that I came across your discussion today because my poor eight year old girl has been so sick and today she had the day from hell! She was vomiting last night and she woke up with a cold and severe nausea. We had a doctor’s appointment this morning to have a wart frozen off her foot and that was extremely painful for her. After that she had to have a blood test and she was terrified, poor thing but she put on a brave face and went in and had it done, only to be told the vein had collapsed due to dehydration and we have to go back for another one later today! She was fighting back the tears and I used the very similar words your father used, I wish it was me experiencing all these awful things and not her...It is torture for me to see someone I love suffer in any way and being unable to take the pain away...
1 person likes this
@boboypete (209)
• Manila, Philippines
9 Jul 10
In most cases parents are most affected among the family. They feel more painful watching their children having illness. They don't seriously say it directly to you, but you could see on their eyes they are annoyed, almost exhausted carrying heavy loads, crying a lot due to burdens. Thinking that situation, they are almost devastated. Since the father is the provider... spending his entire day in his work, thus, mother is the one spending her time attending the sicked child/children. We owe our life to them. We should be thankful we have our parents.
I feel sorry for you knowing this. I will pray for your family's immediate healing... do a lot of prayers too and take this as normal habit, don't just rely on medications. He above is designing these situations on earth, otherwise He is the one also restructuring things accordingly. Don't give up!
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (161080)
• United States
8 Jul 10
I think I understand what you are saying, and it is not wrong in any way not to want to take that suffering on. You have enough. I hope these things get resolved in a way that allows your family some relief and peace. I wish there was something that could be done. We often are not aware of how much our family members really do love us.
1 person likes this
@grecychunny26 (9483)
• Philippines
8 Jul 10
Both are suffering.Mostly when I am sick my mother is the one taking care of me. And sometimes its my father when my mother is not there. They will do everything to make us feel better. I know they suffer inside them seeing us with high fever and other illness, and they always hope if it is okay to transfer the illness to them. On the other hand, when they are not feeling well, I do take care of them and I was thinking the same way. I wish I have their aching back and muscle. I wish I have their eye irritation. AS much as they don't want us to suffer, we don't want them to suffer too.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
8 Jul 10
HI AmbiPam, As a mother whenever any of my children are ill I would rather it be me than them but to be honest with other family members I do not feel thisway, I feel compassion, want them to get well but I would not take their pain to be my own. Huggles. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@edorms36 (275)
• United Arab Emirates
8 Jul 10
At some point in our lives we'll come to these situation of bargaining or wanting to take the pain that our loved one is experiencing, because we don't want to see them in agony of what their going through, this I believed is because we love the other person that much and you can feel for him/her and you'd rather have it just as long as the other person will be fine, this the kind of love that is really deep and selfless, we feel these because we truly love the other person.
1 person likes this
@edwardjoy2000 (2387)
• United Arab Emirates
8 Jul 10
I have come across a lot of such situations. I have seen many people in my family suffer. I had seen by dad pass away due to liver syrosis i always wished i could share his pain. I also see my wife in pain sometimes...i wish i can share her pains atleast.
1 person likes this
@Laurelle11 (409)
• Australia
8 Jul 10
I understand how you feel. I have a physically disabled son and not a day goes by where I wouldn't trade places with him if I could. He is 16 now and it breaks my heart to see teenage girls not show any interest in him whatsoever. I would give him a girlfriend if I could but you can't force people to do things they don't want to just the same as we can't change places to take the suffering from the ones we love. We can only support them to the best of our ability and offer all the love we have to give.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jul 10
oh AmbiePam yes when my daughter was four she contracted a really bad
case of pneumonia and was so ill, and all I could was pray I would gladlyhave taken her place.As it was four years later she got pneumonia again and unbeknown to the doctors she had an aneurysm from that earliet bout and it killed her. so hard to lose an eight year old sweet child,. I am 84 and she would have been fifty this year had she lived. myhusband felt that they should have found that and taken care of it before it could burst but we never knew for sure whether or not they were negligent,She contracted pneumonia from a family member who was too stupid to stay in bed away from children when he was so ill. Oh I used to get migraines too in my teen but the moment I moved out of our house I never had another one as my parents fought all the time but they would not get divorced although there did not seem to me to be much l ove lost in the last few years
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
10 Jul 10
This may be strange.. but that thought has never popped into my head. Granted my kids have never really "suffered" from anything. Yeah they've been in pain before, but not anything extreme, just the typical boo boos of a child. They've been sick but nothing worse than the flu. My oldest has gotten stitches a few times and for him that was basic torture.. all the while he's screaming "Why are you doing this to me?". The first few times I had to be kicked out of the room because I was breaking up over it. But I've never wished it could be me in their place. Yes I've wished it wasn't happening to them, that they'd get better or the pain would go away.. but it never popped into my head that it should be me over them. Maybe I'm just more rational.. I know I can't exchange places with them, but I can hope that their sickness or pain goes away. Now if it were something more severe, something life threatening, then of course I'd wish it were me over them.
