I gave him my number but I don't want to date anyone!
By cerebellum
@cerebellum (3863)
United States
July 9, 2010 5:34pm CST
I went to therapy today, and someone usually comes out to get me & takes me to my car in a wheelchair. I am not in good shape and it is not bound to get any better. Aside from that I will be 55 in a couple of weeks. I thought I was done with men, and I was happy about it! The guy that took me back to my car asked me out and I told him I don't like to do much anymore because everything is so hard. I thought he would get the hint from that and realize I don't want to date anyone. He asked me for my number and I gave it to him. He has already called. I have caller ID and I didn't answer it.
My question is: What should I do? I don't want to be mean or hurt his feelings, but I don't want to date anyone right now. He said my disability isn't a problem, but it is for me!6 people like this
14 responses
@smiley83 (1534)
• Malaysia
10 Jul 10
It might not be as you think..he might want to be your friend..just friendship attitude! He might just want to ask about you and how do you feel and stuff like that..So, get him the chance to be your friend and if you think that he is interested in you and want something more than friendship; then you could stop him from crossing the line...
3 people like this
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
11 Jul 10
Thanks for your response. You might be right. I might be reading a lot more into it than he intended, but I don't think so. It just suprised me, because I am getting older and have an obvious disability and I am not prime relationship material.
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
13 Jul 10
I am to old to be playing games, but it is easier to just ignore the problem and hope that it goes away (not answer his calls and hope he quits).
@ElicBxn (63643)
• United States
9 Jul 10
what kind of therapy?
if its a "group therapy" sort of thing, then gently tell him that you aren't to the point where you can make any kind of commitment...
if that doesn't get thru, talk to the group director, he or she should be able to tell the guy to back off
2 people like this
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
10 Jul 10
It was physical and occupational therapy. He works for the building. I thought just by saying that I didn't enjoy much anymore that he would get the hint that I didn't want to make any commitment.
I hope to resolve the problem without bring in anyone from therapy, but if I need to, maybe that will work.
Thanks for the response!
2 people like this
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
13 Jul 10
I don't think I am exceptional looking, especially using a walker or a wheelchair. I don't usually get asked for dates either, and I have started to think of myself as being out of that kind of stuff. I don't really have any intrest in changing my life, except if a miracle were to happen and I would be "normal" again. That is probably not going to happen.
2 people like this
@Madona1 (2096)
• Gibraltar
2 Jun 12
Hello there, I don't think he wants to date you, but don't know what his intention is. In order not to miss a chance, I suggest you should accept his invitation. Maybe you both can become friends. I know you don't want to date yet and want to get yourself sorted first. But if you can have a good friend there to help you out, you will find it much better and easier to deal with your life. All the best!
@Madona1 (2096)
• Gibraltar
4 Jun 12
Well, it seems like you don't trust men. If you cannot cross the border line, then you had better follow your flow to avoid them. If there is any man asks you for the contact number in future, you can deliberately give him the wrong number, which may give you less hassle or worries.
1 person likes this
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
2 Jun 12
The last time I went to therapy he wasn't there anymore! He had an operation, and had to take some time off. They weren't sure if he would be coming back at all. I agree that a friend could be very helpful, I just don't think of men as "friends".
@cream97 (29086)
• United States
12 May 11
Hi. cerebellum. He obviously seems to not have a problem with your disability, which I think is very wonderful.
I think that you should be honest with him about how you feel about getting into a relationship with him right now. He should at least try to be friends with you. Rushing you into a relationship right now, would not be the best thing to do. He should get to know who you are underneath your disability. You can decline his offer, but you can also do it in a nice way that won't hurt his feelings. He will have to respect your decision regardless.
I think that you should be honest with him about how you feel about getting into a relationship with him right now. He should at least try to be friends with you. Rushing you into a relationship right now, would not be the best thing to do. He should get to know who you are underneath your disability. You can decline his offer, but you can also do it in a nice way that won't hurt his feelings. He will have to respect your decision regardless.2 people like this
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
12 May 11
I do think it was nice that he didn't seem to care about my disability. However it made me wonder about him a little. I don't think I would want to be in a relationship with someone like me. Especially with someone I hardly knew. I guess it made him seem a little desperate to me.
@marie2052 (3691)
• United States
12 May 11
I would be very careful myself someone just taking me to my car and asking me for my number. Not that I want to think the worst in people I just say be very careful.
There are so many horror stories where disabled and elderly get taken by a caregiver or someone in that catagory.
I would be polite and on my guard, but if you go a few times and see the same person and develop a kinship with them then maybe coffee and a sandwich in an open place would be nice if it was on him!
Good Luck
2 people like this
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
12 May 11
I know what you mean! My brother is in a wheelchair and if anyone tries to help him, he wants to shoot them! I am not that mistrusting though. If anyone did try to do anything to me, there isn't much I could do. If I had my crutches I could hit them with them, but that's about all.
The people that helped me to the car (he wasn't the only one) were security guards for the building so I felt safe. I had seen them a number of times, it's not like they were friends or anything, but we were on a first name basis.
1 person likes this
@litvillegas (1274)
• Philippines
5 Dec 12
Hi
I know how you feel. You are such a good person because you care other people's feelings.
In my opinion, just give the chance to be your friend and explain to him that you don't want any romantic relationship. It's ok to be frank to him... Just let him know what you are thinking and you only open to friendship....
Have a great day
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
5 Dec 12
The last time I went there he wasn't working there anymore anyway. My decision was made for me, and here I was worrying about how I would handle it if I saw him! Thanks for the response.
@KrauseHome (36447)
• United States
11 Mar 11
Maybe he just wants to be friends? But it is true in this day and age you never do really know what someone's intentions might be, but you should at least maybe talk with him on the phone and then decide from there. If you decide to meet somewhere find someone else to drive you there, and back and then have them stay around somewhere close in case of any problems. Personally I hope no matter what happened it was something you both could feel Good about as just because you do not want to date again, there is nothing wrong with having friends.
2 people like this
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
11 Mar 11
I don't take therapy anymore, so I don't see him. If he called again I was going to talk to him, but he didn't. You are right if he had just wanted friendship that would have been okay. Having someone take you to meet someone you really don't know is a good idea. It would be much better than having them pick you up and knowing where you live. Thanks for responding!
1 person likes this
@owlwings (43910)
• Cambridge, England
10 Jul 10
Why are you thinking of it as a 'date' or as anything but an invitation from someone who wants to be friendly and to know more about you. He obviously sees that you might have some humanity that you are hiding ... some ability to be an interesting and delightful companion.
Well, go on then. I dare you to accept his offer just so you can prove that you are a slave to your disability! On the other hand, you might find that you have made a friend (or, of course, you might find that he's just another one who finds satisfaction in patronising or pitying you in some way).
2 people like this
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
11 Jul 10
Thanks for your response! Your right, I am thinking about it wrong. It might just be that he wants to be friendly and know me better.
I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I am a slave to my disability! I don't think he would be someone to patronize or pity me but of course you never know.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72226)
• United States
15 Dec 12
It has been 3 years since you wrote this so I hope that you are still active and can respond and tell me how you are doing now. I think that this man must be a very kind hearted man to be willing to take interest even though you are handicapped. It makes a relationship more difficult and if I was disabled I would want someone to treat me like that but like you I would be hesitant as well. I think that when you see him you should just be honest and say you would love to be his friend but that you are not going to be dating anyone that you are not interested in a relationship with anyone anymore. Then you never know maybe you will develop feelings after starting a friendship or you could just be good friends.
1 person likes this
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
17 Dec 12
He worked where I took therapy. The last time I went there, he wasn't there anymore, so I guess I was worried about how I would respond for nothing.
@jlydsnr (122)
• United States
9 Jul 10
At least give him the chance to be a friend. Let him know though that you don't want to date someone. Be honest though because you will have to see him again if he works where you get therapy. God might have put him in your life for the way you feel about your disability. You never know.
2 people like this
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
10 Jul 10
I wouldn't mind being friends but I don't think that is what he has in mind. I know I should be a grown up and just tell him the truth that I don't want to date, but sometimes I am just chicken. He only works certain days where I get therapy, so I just won't schedule therapy on a day he works. Thanks for the response.
1 person likes this
@minotaur87 (769)
• Singapore
12 Jul 10
Relationship should be something that makes your life fuller or better. If it will develop into a burden in your heart, then I guess you shouldn't start it. Just tell him frankly about your true feelings.
1 person likes this
@woodman321123 (356)
• China
10 Jul 10
This guy is kind . If you do not want to date him right now , tell him about your reasons . Maybe he will understand your feeling , and do not ask you that again . But please do not hurt his heart . After all , it is not his fault to love you .
1 person likes this
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
11 Jul 10
He does seem like a nice guy and I don't want to hurt his feelings. I know I should just tell him how I feel, but I feel like when I was a lot younger and just hope it will go away. I don't think he could possibly love me, after all I probably only spent an hour total with him.
@markphil (285)
• Philippines
10 Jul 10
Giving your number doesn't mean that you have an interest to a person. You just gave it because you are just a nice person. It's not a problem that you will tell him that you're just interested to have friends with him. I know at first it's hard to understand but later on he will realize your purpose.
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
11 Jul 10
I guess you are probably right. I just didn't want to refuse to give him my number, but that doesn't mean I owe him anything. Thanks for your reponse!
@sweetloveforeve (13120)
• Portugal
9 Jul 10
i understand how you feel but please meet this guy better maybe he can help you face your disability^^ also if he doesnt see it as a problem is bcs he really likes you did you think that maybe you are losing an opportunity to be happy? dont waste it please just try to know him better and be his friend about date is your decision but please meet him better im sure it will also help you and will make him happy too^^
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
10 Jul 10
I don't see how he could like me enough to know that my disability wouldn't be a problem! I have only seen him 4 or 5 times if that. I was caught off guard. When people are nice to me and help me, I just assume it is because of my disability. In his case maybe there was more. I wouldn't mind just being friends with him, but I don't think that is what he has in mind! I will think about it. Thanks for your opinion!
1 person likes this
