I want to forgive her...But how?

I can totally relate to what you are talking about. My mom doesn't compare exactly to what you are saying but she still nonetheless has the same issues. My mom has always treated me like poo. She treats my little sister that way too but mainly me because I am the oldest. I can't tell you how many times I heard that I wasn't contributing to the household chores, even at 20 years old as a full time student and working part time. She would constantly criticize every thing that I did and told me I was lazy. She, on the other hand, does not work and used to sleep all day. My guess is that she had depression issues or something. I honestly don't know. I moved out finally and then got married and all that jazz. I was 4 months pregnant with our son and we hit some financial hardships and had to move out of our home. We stayed with my mom after she pretty much begged us to let her help us. She told us we would be taken care of and that all of our money could be used to help save for our baby but instead, after living there for about a week, she confronted me to ask when I was going to pay the rent. I was like, "WHAT?" and so we had this huge argument about it and my husband and I ended up paying her $100 a month. Then she kept making me get her eggs and milk with MY Wic but constantly keep us from being able to eat "her food". It was much worse than what I am telling you, but I would be here all day. Most of the family has come to the conclusion that she has a mental problem. One minute she's nice, the next she isn't. She lies about everything, even small mediocre things. I understand what you mean about forgiving your mom. I constantly have to remember that we are supposed to by God's standards. I strive so hard to be like Jesus and it really is hard sometimes but just keep praying about it and know that you are being the child that God wants you to be and only his opinion matters. Don't let her ruin your life because she is unhappy. You obviously have a great life and she's just jealous that she didn't do a better job as your mom. That's what people tell me all the time. Sorry that I was so long winded. If you made it this far, God bless you.

This is very difficult. I have had absolutely no communication with my own mother for about 21 years. She and I live in the same city and not too far from one another. She live a life that I just could not approve of and have in my children's lives. I think back sometimes and wished thing were different but they are not. I ran into her this early January and she walked by m as if I just did not exist. I had to make this difficult decision 21 years ago as it was so unhealthy for me. Sometimes I think what if my children estranged me this way. I would die. However they would have no merit for it as I have given them all the healthy love and support beyond my means. So I know how you are feeling and hope things were also different for you, but on the other hand I do understand more so than anyone who has never done through this.

My advise to you is too sit down and write a letter to your mom on how you feel then telling her. Sometimes a letter touches their heart a little more because they can read it more often. In that letter you can also say to her that you forgive her for everything is put you through during your life then let it go. If that doesn't work then maybe staying away from them for a while to let them see that your hurt my what they're doing to you and your family. I hope the best for you and your family.

Clearly,your mother should carry this burden not you. It seems that she is the one who is missing out on those things that a wonderful daughter can give. You are talking about forgiveness rather than retaliation. That makes you a wonderful person. Do not nourish this abuse. You have to do the right thing and lay it in her lap. Maybe she will never be able to recognize how her behavior and responses hurt you. You are her daughter and worthy of respect.It is not your rsponsibility to prove it to her. Tell her how she has made you feel all of your life. Do not break it down in spoonfuls every time there is an incident. Your responsibilty and it seems your spiritual instruction, to tell her that you forgive her. Tell her to her face. You are not TRYING to forgive her. Tell her you forgive her with your mouth. Tell her that you really do not want to hear her negative comments about your husband, children, living style, pets, friends or ideas. You can not tell people what to think, but you certainly can decide not to her it or give it life. Let your mother carry her own demons. You have carried them all of your life, ENOUGH!!!! Let God do the rest.

An apostle asked Jesus hiw many times he should forgive someon. Is seven times enough? Jesus answered that you should forgive them 7 times 70. Due to our human nature, true forgiveness is something that is very hard to do. Being unforgiving will lead to resentments and grudges which actually interfere with our wellness. It can consume us and it takes up valuable emotional resources.In my personal experience I have learned that by praying for that person actually helps rid myself of any resentments that are trying to develop. Pray everyday for this person. Force yourself. Ask God to bless them with more than you have, pray for their good health and well being. Pray for good things for them. If you are consistent and persistent you should begin to notice a change within yourself after 2 weeks. It may take longer depending on how long this has been on your mind. Be persistent. It could take longer than 2 weeks, just trust God and pray. It has worked for me and not just on one occasion. The goal is total forgiveness,and I mean total. It is very hard but it can be done. I also recommend reading Total Forgiveness written by R.T. Kendall. I found it to be an invaluable tool in learning how to forgive others. Remember what our Lord has said about forgiveness. I you cannot forgive others, how is it that I will be able to forgive you. I add you in my prayers lilangelpreschool.

I have a similar problem with my father. I never achieve enough. My partner is a gold digger (odd since we are tight on money). Our house is not as good as his, and so forth. Eight years ago he decided to visit me with the same lecture again. I told him where to shove his opinion, and changed my telephone number. Since then we have moved, and he is unaware of the address. That is how it is going to remain. Not very forgiving, I know, but there is a point where you have had enough. Since I was treated worse than this during my childhood, I have no regret in shutting, locking and bolting the door, with a dresser propped against it for good measure.

the only way to forgive her is to do just that... forgive her. to forgive her doesn't mean you now become best friends. it doesn't mean that what she did was ok. forgiving her means that you get to move on with your life. it means that she no longer holds you hostage in your pass.... write her letter telling her how you feel. tell her all about the hurt she caused you. you don't need to send it to her, you just need to write it down and move passed it

I am really sorry. Has she always acted this way towards you? If so, it doesn't seem like it has any chance of changing on it's own and since you've talked to her about it but still no results you might want to consider counseling. If she won't go, then maybe you can go alone just so you can find better ways to deal with the situation with how she treats you and your family, including your puppy.

Love is more powerful than any thing.. as you said god said forgive others and you will be forgiven will be possible if you love the situations you face every time. Hope the same kind of situation. If you love more.. and one day surely your mother confess and she will know how badly you hurt by her. Silence & smile is more powerful tool to forgive others. Use this while you get situation with your mother.

If I were you , I can not bear her actions . Though she is your mother , she have no right to look down on you and your family . So you can keep a distance with her , because of her behaviors . For example , you can seldom meet her every year .

I was looked down once but not like that, but though what i can say is that, she's still your mother and maybe she's doing that to persuade u more to perfection.In other words your mom is a perfectionist, but her perfectionism got a little over board that she's squeezing you out of something that hurts you and people around you. All the best you can do is to talk to her on what does she really want to come out of you and try to help her change her personality on looking down upon others, cause you know she'll end up in despair in the end without cure.

I try to understand, you have a very difficult situation. She is your mother, the one who has given birth to and raise you to adulthood... alot of love and service that will not be returned or replaced. I think you must be patience and subtly avoid to direct contact with her, not mean keep away but try to have a long distance relation with her, so she can not complain as often as this frequent complain.

tell her how you feel and when she talks back tell her to shut up and listen and tell her what u told us

If you wan try to forgive her, then go talk to her about what she had done that make you so upset. You should let her know, hear and understood your perspective. Besides that, you can try to understand her perspective even though you didnt agree it at all. All of these can help you to have a decision to forgive her^^

I, unfortunately have a mother like yours. Ever since I grew up as a little child, I was a mere runt to her. Even though she thinks I am not good enough for her standards, she herself, isn't good enough for mine in retrospect, but I never think of it that way. Even though she has a lower education than me, I never mention my feelings, cause I know it would just be a cry in the shallow abyss. I don't think your mother would understand your forgiveness. You in her heart could always forgive her, but stubborn women cannot acknowledge that they were treating someone wrongly. They feel they are fair, and whatever they say is more valuable than anyone else.

Hi there lilangelspreschool. These things i have just read from your post are heartbreaking. And you are really hurting. I am mother of two and I would not want my kids to feel that way. This makes me wonder why is your mom like that. Everything has a reason to it. Okay, so when you talk to her all she says are you're all too defensive and that her children hurt her? Are there other things she mentions? Have you asked why is she that way to your husband or why does not like some things you do? I know that your feeling as a daughter now is sickening after what you are experiencing with your mom. If you can, could you coaxed your mom as to why she is acting the way she is around you? Is she going through something she doesn't want anyone to know about? Maybe her outbursts are signs of seeking attention, maybe she is going through something in her life that she can't seem to handle on her own right now. And her restlessness may be pouring out on the people around her. Why won't you try to talk to her. But if that isn't the case and her actions perpetuate, your main concern right now is your own family and keep them from seeing these kind of treatment of you from your mom as this will be unhealthy for your children. They may pick up this kind of attitude from your mom. You are a mom, and you wouldn't want to expose your family to that kind of treatment. One thing more, love yourself. Be proud of things you have achieved. If other people frown upon these, drop it. Don't get bothered by their criticisms especially if it can't help you or your family in a positive way. Learning to love oneself will create inner peace. Now to forgive or not to? If your mother's actions persists which will mean she is really the way you have described her, this time acceptance is the best. This is not a remedy or an alternative to your dilemma "why my mom is like this, like that"... This means that you will accept whatever she is in your life. Like what I said before, don't expose your family to that kind of attitude. That's one way of working around it. However you want her out of your life, she is still family. You just have to be firm with what you want for your family now. Now, this has been a very long thread already. I hope i was able to help somehow on understanding your situation. Be strong lilangelsprepschool for your family. Have a great day!

No matter how hard it is to forgive your mother, you need to understand that she's your mom whatever happens. Take your time. Maybe, she's not showy enough but she knows deep inside that she loves you and cares for you anyways.

Seems to me 'FORGIVENESS' sort of implies acknowledgement from the forgiven party which seems clearly is not to be expected in this case.