Caught in the middle of the RICH and POOR Relatives

Money is a sensative issue for most people. It is sad that your family puts you in the middle. There are two options you could... give out the information and when the family begins to yell at you, say "You could of always said no. I gave out the information for the same reason you gave the money. Because I love that person and I wanted to help." The second option is tell the person that is looking for the contact information "That relative has asked that I not give out his contact information." And if you feel guilty, you could always point them to the internet which is free in most public libraries and you will have the comfort of knowing at least they a did a little work for the money.

I don't understand why the "rich" relatives would blame your Mom. She only gave out the contact info. It was the "rich" relative who said YES...here's the money you need. I see it as THEY are at fault. If I learned one thing in life it is do NOT loan money...especially to relatives..unless you've got it to just GIVE AWAY!!! Most people who borrow money wouldn't need to borrow if they were good with handling their finances. If they don't have the money now, how are they going to pay you back??? Now, to your question. You saw firsthand the problems your Mom had with this situation. The "rich" relative has expressed their desire to NOT have their information given out & that should be honored If the "poor" relative doesn't have the "rich" relative contact info, they aren't very close to begin with!!! I think the way I'd handle it is to say... This relative has requested I not give out their info to anyone, so I can't betray their confidence. I will be happy to give them YOUR contact info & have them contact you. Then do just that. Give the "rich" relative the contact info of the "poor" one & say they would like to speak with you. I wouldn't even mention the borrow money aspect. Then when the "poor" contacts you again to complain the "rich" hasn't contacted them, just say I gave them your info. I cannot make them contact you. STAY OUT OF THE MIDDLE!!!

It's not your mom's fault that: 1. the rich relatives didn't say NO 2. the poor relatives didn't pay them back What do you do? Turn off the phone...

Just refuse them politely. Say that you need to pay your bills or something. Money matters are sensitive issues. I always follow two rules: "Do not lend it if you can't afford to lose it" and " Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me".

Hello Theresaaiza, this reminds me of our situation in Pangasinan, where the some of the relatives from my mother side only wants money and not doing a damn thing about it. the one person they blamed is my mothers old maid because they always request her to go here and help the cleaning. Don't let them get to you, prove to them that you're not selling out information of your so called Rich relatives. then, probably don't ask anything from them either,show them you're not giving out info. or just tell them to bug off and leave you alone. it's not your fault.

First of all, if some ragtag relative who never talks to me, turns to me for money I say no. If it's someone who converses with me as in an on going friendship then yes. We have helped people, friends, relative or not. But no one whom we don't enjoy time with. So your mom isn't to blame. Its the gutless wonders who borrowed their money to, essentially strangers.

You know what I would do? I would just claim that I have no knowledge of the contact details of my rich relatives so that if ever your poor relatives decide to run away from their debts, you will not be involved. I have always distanced myself from my relatives and I don't believe in asking favors from any of them. That's why they know that I can live without them and they are the ones doing things for me so that they will endear themselves to me.

I think it took a lot of courage for your poor relatives to go knocking at your door to ask for assistance probably just to have a meal on the table. They did not want to be poor but circumstances lead them to such a pathetic situation and their only option is to seek help from their well to do relatives. If you are in the position to help, you should by all means help them out but not to the extend of them depending on you for their survival. They should look for employment or do farming to make ends meet.

Hi Theresaaiz~ I am sorry about your Mother's passing. I know that it's been very difficult for and I also know what a kind and caring person you are, but you need to try to stay out of the relatives issues now. You are young and have you life to think about. You don't need your other relatives being angry with you either so try not to get involved like your Mom did even though you might want to.

Have your rich relatives request that you not give out any information, then you can say to the poor ones that you promised not to give out any information. This will make you unpopular with the poor relatives but pretty soon they will take you off their lists as the go to person. Family relationship are always tricky. Good Luck.

Here's the simplest solution. Surely some of the 'poorer' relatives know each other, right? Just tell old Uncle Needs-A-Buck that you don't have the info at your finger tips, but if he talked to Aunt Already-Got-A-Buck, that she might be able to help him. Then make yourself scarce...lol

Who is bothering you. The lenders or your 'poor' relatives? If it is the lenders surely they have no business to point a finger at you and as far as your 'poor' relatives are concerned you have no obligation whatsoever to do what your mother did You could politely turn down their request.

First of all, I would like to offer my condolences to your late mother. Now, I would suggest that you put your foot down and tell your 'poorer' relatives that it is not your obligation to support them. Tell them that they are already abusing your mother's generosity and now they want to abuse yours too? Just try to explain to them in a good mannered way that you just can't help them anymore because if you start helping them like your mother, then I tell you, you will have a hard time saying enough to them.

I think that happened to me (to my family) a couple of times. I just lie, and tell them I havent heard from our rich relatives or something like I lost contact with them. You should learn to say NO. Same goes for your rich relatives. They are your relatives but they are not your responsibility. If your rich relatives would like to help whole-heartedly, they should never expect anything in return. If they dont think that the poor relatives are worthy of their help then they should just say NO. As for the poor relatives, they should be thankful for any kind of help. And if ever no one help them, they shouldnt hold grudge on anybody. Why dont they just help their selves.

theresaaiza the only thing that I can suggest on this cool early morning here in Southern California is to say no, that little two letter word that most of us adults have a problem saying to people when we are asked to do something we really do not wish to do. Or just blandly say why dont you just ask Uncle Harry or rich cousin Bill yourself? Why must I be the go between. I am not a money broker.We all could say no really easy when we were toddlers. Now we have to learn to say it when it needs to be said.

Try to tell them affirmatively that you are not in a position to help them.You can guide them to change their self defeating attitude and motivate them to change their path for life for the better but you should not help them financially.The reason being they'll always think that you are there to bail them out.This way they can fend for themselves.Ultimately they will realise that they can't unreasonably depend on you.