Suffering from Depression the two sided coin
By chulce
@chulce (1537)
United States
July 11, 2010 8:12am CST
For many years, I have watched my husband struggle and manage his depression. It has been a hard road and an educational one.
Recently, I began to have issues with depression. At first I thought it was nothing more than me not being able to help him enough or that I was the problem of his depression.
I found out otherwise. I sunk into a deep vat of it, so deep in fact, I didn't think I would ever crawl out of my bed again. Still don't want to but, know there are necessities in which, our family needs. For 3 days I didn't want anything to do with life, I wanted it to keep on going and leave me out of it. I kept telling my husband that I wanted the world to stop so I could get off of it and let everyone live their lives without me. I knew this wouldn't happen, no matter how much I pleaded. Each day, I would try and step out into the world to test the waters only to be pushed back down into the depths of the depression. The worst, was when I attempted to go to jury duty. Here I was having to try and help someone with their lives, something that involves them potentially going to jail or worse. I literally had to pull myself off my bed, put myself on a back burner and not deal with me or my problems so that I could go and do this. When I got to the court house, I was shaking so bad that I wanted to run, but still I managed through. When it was all over, I came back home, laid on my bed and cried. I cried so hard I thought my head would explode.
Now I sit here and anticipate what might happen next with this depression, what will I do? How will I feel? How will I react? I'm scared.
Have you suffered from depression? Have you experienced days where you couldn't get out of bed? What did you do to get yourself back on track?
6 responses
@livvy092002 (1032)
• Philippines
11 Jul 10
I almost cried when I read your post. Actually, I, myself, am quite feeling down lately. And it was also not a new thing to me because I experienced and felt the same way as you do many times before. I have to congratulate you and myself, too, for conquering this kind of emotion.. I think many people felt depression one time or another in their lives and it was just oactually on how we handle and conquer the emotion that people differ. In your case, you are a strong person and i admire you!!! Imagine, you have been helping your husband while you are also fighting your own struggles. I know you could handle this well and could get out of this emotion in no time. So just hang in there.. you are not alone in this. I am happy to know you too because I realized also that I am not the only one who is struggling with emotions. Sometimes what we really need to survive is to know that other people cares enough. That will keep us going.
1 person likes this
@chulce (1537)
• United States
12 Jul 10
Thank you for your kind words. It is a relief in so many ways to know that I am not alone. The past 7 years have been extremely difficult especially watching my husband suffer and not knowing how to help him. All along, I would experience my own amount of depression, but felt I had to table my issues to help him. I constantly would do that. Place myself on the back burner of life because I didn't have time. But, now is my time, now I am getting the help I need and now finally finding some relief.
I would like to add you as a friend, if you ever need to talk, please don't hesitate to private message me.
I am proud of you livvy for taking the steps to surpass your problems as well. I wish you the best. Hugs!
@livvy092002 (1032)
• Philippines
3 Aug 10
Hi chulce! I already accepted your friend request.Thank you also for the kind words and the offer of friendship. Isn't it a nice feeling knowing that another soul cares? Have a great day and keep in touch! Hugs!
@chulce (1537)
• United States
16 Aug 10
Hi livvy,
Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. Yes, it is very nice knowing that there is someone out there that does care. Thank you so much for accepting my friendship, I really do appreciate it.
So many things have happened for me recently, a lot of good things, although a few more stressful things that had to happen before the good could, I suppose.
But, in all there is improvement in life, you just have to reach out and find it. Sometimes that means getting help and reaching out in other ways to grab the help that you need. It doesn't always mean being placed on medications, it can also mean talking and communicating with people to help you release tension, etc.
Hope you have a wonderful day!
@mysterioususer (79)
•
12 Jul 10
I too have had depression in the past and it is not a nice experiance i had to go through some very difficuilt times. I was given antidepressents by my gp but i felt that they did not help at all all they did was make my tongue go numb which was not helpfull.basicaly im a strong believer of my religion and that helped me back on track so basicaly in other words it was my faith that got me back on track and i even sometimes do feel and think to myself is it gona happen again how my gona cope so thats all pretty normal for us to think like that.
1 person likes this
@chulce (1537)
• United States
12 Jul 10
I commend you and hope that everything is working out better for you. It has been a rough road and I am hoping that it gets better. The road of recovery is a long one and I know that I can make it. It is nice to know that there are others that have found ways to help them. I am trying to find ways to help me as well. The biggest step, I have to accept me for me and basically get to know myself once again. It is amazing how much I really didn't know about myself.
@TexLadyPj (1328)
• United States
11 Jul 10
Herro chulce
First off I concur with syankee525. Please seek medical intervention and check the possibility of medication. I appreciate you sharing your difficulty, you are reaching out. Second, I deal with depression every day. I not reached the depths of yours, I can thank God for that. I have had depression since my early teens. That comes from childhood issues. Later those same issues contributed to PTSD. I would relive the events that happened to me in childhood as an adult. My depression is controlled by meds and a 6wk check with a psychiatrist. I have had years of counseling. I now deal with my depression on meds and my own skills. There is also a depression that is medically caused. You need to find out which or both are affecting you. I have both, so will be on meds the rest of my life. I had a relapse of moderate depression last year. I stayed off the computer, a sure sign of depression for me. The relapse lasted a little over a year.
I hope this has helped you. Above all, please seek medical assistance.
Prosperous mylotting
@TexLadyPj (1328)
• United States
12 Jul 10
Herro chulce
I apologize if you thought I was offended. That was not my intention. I am not offended. I am concerned for you. I do understand depression. When you say recovery, I think I have an understanding. Maybe not. I understand recovery as working with an addiction.
Prosperous mylotting
@chulce (1537)
• United States
16 Aug 10
Sorry TexLady that I didn't respond to this sooner. A lot of people don't realize that many people do have to go through a recovery period when they have depression. But, the recovery does last a significant amount of time longer. It depends on the type of depression they are suffering from. Genetic depression is one that is not easy to recover from without medications and constant watch by a doctor. Recovery is ongoing in this case, it is a life long recovery. There is also situational recovery, where because of a certain level of stress and other aspects in someone's life that brings on the symptoms of depression, they actually also go through a period of recovery through a form of treatment.
In any mental case, there is always some form of recovery that many people don't realize is out there.
I hope this helps you to understand a little more.
@chulce (1537)
• United States
12 Jul 10
Texlady,
I have been seeking medical intervention as you call it. Everyone reaches out in their own ways looking and researching see what others have discovered. I'm sorry if I offended you in anyway. But, given the fact that I have been working with my husband and his recovery for over the past 10 years, I am now experiencing something similar and it is interesting to see what is out there and what many may recommend. So please don't judge, please understand.
1 person likes this
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
11 Jul 10
everyday seem to be hard for me. here i was in my 30's and got hurt. then lost the job i loved so much. and couldnt support my family. and even now in my 40's i am always dealing with some kind of pain medical or emational.
depression is hard to deal with so sure. you made the first step admiting it. and now i will tell you, think about what you have told your husband and how there is so many people that loved him, and now how many people loves you.
i would go to the doctor and get yourself on meds to help to deal with depression.
@chulce (1537)
• United States
11 Jul 10
Thanks for your kind words. I am being medicated now and working through a lot. It is amazing how much has happened and how much change has already occurred. Right now, my body has tried to shut down on me in some aspects because of all the stress and such. I have been ill since May and wow, I thought it was all physical to begin with. It is amazing how are bodies pick up on the problems.
@picjim (3002)
• India
11 Jul 10
There was a period in my life when employment was difficult and i was embarrassed.I would drink quite a lot.I think i had the classic symptoms of depression.The way i managed to pull myself out of it was to start the day with regular exercise.This sort of perked me up.I started reading a lot and indulging in my hobbies like music,movies and forcing myself to meet people and did a degree in law.Now when i look back all these activities pulled me out of it.Also do not blame yourself for things which are beyond your control.
@chulce (1537)
• United States
11 Jul 10
Thanks, I appreciate your comments. I wish that mine were more simplified than they are right now. It is much deeper than I even realized I guess. I understand a lot of people may feel that I should seek professional help. Well, I am doing so, but, I am also working on many things on my own. Things that have and are changing my life.
@dsrp82 (676)
• Brazil
12 Jul 10
I suffer from severely depression since I was 19 (now I'm almost 28), and I must tell you that I really understand what's happening to you. I know its awful, painful and the worst thing on earth. But I also know that we have to be patient with ourselves, because even tough its a cronic disease, we have our ups and downs. What I mean is you'll be better sooner or later. I said BETTER, not CURED, but still. Remember: Be patient!
Sorry for my english, I'm not in my best day as well.
@chulce (1537)
• United States
23 Aug 10
Hi dsrp!
Well as you can see it actually has taken me a while since the last time I got on mylot. I've actually been quite busy.
Yes, I am actually doing better, I have been placed on some medications which are helping and I have also changed jobs that has also helped a great deal, less stress. Always a nice thing.
