Should I forgive and forget
By Laurelle11
@Laurelle11 (409)
Australia
July 11, 2010 5:49pm CST
My best friend and I are not getting along anymore and I'm not sure what to do. It all started back in February and we have hardly spoken since. We were so close that we just seemed to sense when the other was in trouble. We have always been there for each other and helped each other through some very bad times, like when I was getting a divorce from a abusive ex-husband, her kids and mine call us auntie. Anyway back in February she got drunk and started sending me these really nasty texts saying that I had lost her as friend and that I was going to be all alone now because of my present boyfriend. I know she was referring to a fight that I had with him before christmas but the fight was over and done with, so I couldn't understand why she was doing this to me nearly 2 months later. The worst part is my boyfriend read these texts and now he hates her too. So I am not sure now what I am supposed to do, I tried confronting her but she just said we shouldn't talk about it, now when we see each other she pretends nothing has happened at all but it is not the same, we were like sisters and I miss her but I don't know if I should pretend nothing happened like she is or not. I have never done anything like that to her, even though her husband has cheated on her and she takes him back, I support her in her choices but I don't seem to get the same from her anymore. Can anyone give me some advise please?
5 responses
@Ladyslipper (1327)
• Philippines
12 Jul 10
Why not have some time alone with her and do some catching up. When was the last time you had a bonding with just the two of you? Even if I'm already married and have kids I still spend some time alone with my two very close friends (best friends). My husband understands it. Sometimes we would just have coffee together and have a very good and nice conversation.
They also drop by from time to time and then I would cook lunch or dinner for them. Having some time alone with her would make both of you feel close to each other again and if you need some private talking you could also do that. I hope you'd be able to save your friendship and things will be back to how it used to be between the two of you. This is just a test on your friendship so don't give up.
@Laurelle11 (409)
• Australia
12 Jul 10
Thankyou Ladyslipper for your advise, we do still see each other for coffee every now and then. My boyfriend doesn't like her now but he does understand why I still care about her but she just doesn't want to talk about it, just pretends it never happened.
@Ladyslipper (1327)
• Philippines
13 Jul 10
Maybe it's best that way. I think she's not comfortable talking about it because she's ashamed of what she did. Just try to make her feel more comfortable and just let her show that it does not change anything between the two of you. There are things better left unsaid. Maybe it's one of those.
@kristeena (358)
• Philippines
12 Jul 10
I think your previous fight with your friend was not yet over to her. She just doesn't have the courage to express and confront you,that's why she did it when she was drunk. If bringing up and solving the root cause of the previous problem you had can heal and bridge the gap, why don't you try to talk about it. If she's currently ignoring you, try sending her texts or email inviting her out for lunch or dinner. If she replies, then don't waste anything. I knew it because everyone of us has someone to consider a very best friend. Best friends for life!
@Laurelle11 (409)
• Australia
13 Jul 10
Hi Kristeena, The fight was between me and my boyfriend and nothing to do with her but you are right, best friends are for life. Thankyou.
@Wabuge (45)
• Kenya
12 Jul 10
HI THERE,
Going by your words can see that your friend does want you all by herself and that is selfish you know. for her to claim that a simple fight that occurred months ago for her to cross with you thats not fair to both of you.
Try to see the possibility of her being depressed due to the fact that she is now drinking and lashing out at you with messages. that means she has a feeling of her being isolated and it calls for your help even though she does show that you are at crossroads but am pretty sure all she wants is you back.
Another thing is to try to keep your boyfriend off your matters if all he can do is hate on your friend yet you know very well that your friend came first before him. in-fact he should try to mediate and find the problem where it started rather than hate on her.
Going buy what you have said that she helped you to overcome an abusive ex-husband before that shows that she is not ready to see you ge hurt again. all i can advise you is to try let your boyfriend understand that your friend means a lot and let him sit the two of you talk on the better way forward.
Cheers!
@Laurelle11 (409)
• Australia
13 Jul 10
Thankyou for your advise but my boyfriend doesn't hate on her he pretty well keeps his opinion to himself but he is really angry with her for upsetting and hurting me.
@redmaryjane (891)
• United States
12 Jul 10
It's great to hear that you still see each other. At the same time, I do think that she regrets those text messages. Things like what you and your friend are going through are difficult and no one knows what to do because there is no one-shot solution.
Maybe she isn't ready to talk and deal with it, and at the same time, she's ultimately afraid of losing you as a friend as well.
Maybe you could write her a letter? At least put it in writing how you feel and what you miss and how you value your friendship.
I sincerely hope for the best for you and your friend.
