Yeah OK this might be a wee bit b*tchy

R has a lot less boundaries and limits that what I would have used. To begin with, he should be out of your house instead of playing Romeo. So it´s boundaries. But, who wouldn´t be a little b*tchy when things get as bad as to decide on divorce? I suppose noone would expect you to tell him you´d help him pay for it. Hug!

Setting boundaries, i think.

I do think that boundaries should be set and made clear and precise so no confusion can set in on the matter of how things are going to be..makes life easier and simpler..

Just sounds like boundaries to me. You are making sure he understands that you are separate now.

I don't see it as b!tchy or setting boundaries. I see it as asking a valid question.If he took it as b!tchy then it is his problem.

i wouldn't say that was b*tchy. divorce or not,if it were my old man i'd be saying it to him. he's the one that got the ticket.

Someone's gotta pay the ticket or else someone will not have a drivers license anymore. It'll be suspended indefinitely for failure to pay. So if someone wants to run down that road, just pay the stupid fine before more fines keep on adding up... I'd say whoever got the violation needs to pay for it. That's just my honest opinion...

Not at all...he's a big boy now who has to learn to take care of himself and this is a good time to start.

I wouldn't call that b*tchy, I'd call it smart. I ask my husband the same question when he comes home with a speeding ticket and I've never sent him an email with info on where to find those speed traps. I HAVE talked 'til I'm blue in the face about his lead foot and other less-than-desirable driving habits, though. He doesn't get them often but has had at least two in the past five years and THEY AIN'T CHEAP! He's also been caught by one of those cameras rushing to beat the red light but didn't quite beat it. I let him know that I won't be spending of MY money to make up for what he doesn't have because he has to pay for these tickets. If he doesn't have enough money to pay one of the bills he handles, I just tell him he'd better put in some overtime at work. No, not b*tchy at all. Quite the contrary, VERY sensible.

Just remember that negative thoughts become a habit, hasn't this guy leatched enough of your attention already. Time to let kindness rule, for your own benefit. Blessings

hi dawnald, i could not understand the discussion what you said,but some thing i can expect that this is about related to divorce with your husband ,why you both quarelled and going to be for divorced (if my understand is wrong ,excuse me madam),you can sort out the problems arised in both of you once again,have a nice day

Even if I were still married to the guy - if he gets a ticket, why is that your problem?! Obviously he needs to pay for that. You did not speed in his car for him, and you are separated, which is good as divorced (without the legality aspect of things involved). While I don't know much about your situation (and you didn't really ellaborate..) I would say, the person who gets caught speeding, regardless of what kind of relationship or non-relationship they are in, should take responsibility for their lead foot and pay the ticket themselves, obviously.

I don't think it was b*tchy . . . it's an honest question! Yah, I think the "we" business has to be severed sooner than later to set the boundaries - "he" should pay for the ticket. It's probably hard or awkward at first, but the more you keep things separate from now on, the easier it gets (I hope) and maybe reality will sink into R. The thing is, it sounds like you may have to be the driving force behind it to keep it up.

will i dont get it you use to be marry and you have to pay for a ticket to get diovorce or what i thinkn you should make him pay for it that would be good becuase you know how peolp or these days that dont want to pay for their own mistakes you know that dont really care to much about whats going on so you should sit him down and belike you should pay for the ticket you know and thats all it is and you take care

Actually, Dawn, you are just setting the boundaries here. I actually think you should have ignored the whole thing but I know that you both are adjusting here. I think we all go thru this when we are breaking up.

I would not say it sounded b!tchy at all. He got the ticket, so it is only fair that he pay the ticket whether you are getting separated or not. Maybe it could be a window to setting some boundaries though. I would use this opportunity to get some things set into the right place.

I don't know...I don't think it sounds too b*tchy but then again I think you have to be in your situation to know how it should be taken. I think in most all situations the person that gets that ticket should pay for the ticket and I think that is enforced even more when you are getting divorced....

Dawny - somethings that we know would hurt have to be done!!! You pay that and he starts hoping. Some medicines are bitter, aren't they? You need to forgive yourself to be able to follow honest path! Actually, he should have seen that it doesnt reach you so that you are not put through this dilemma. He is possibly testing waters. A couple of such things, and he would get the message loud and clear. Thereafter, he will take care of things at his end. Dont feel guilty about it. Your nature is generous, so you are feeling bad about that. But that is not the right action now for his sake more than yours.

it's called putting your foot down and starting to set boundaries.. it's about time to be tough now dear