Is loving someone a choice or not?
By subterfuge54
@subterfuge54 (207)
Philippines
July 14, 2010 12:44am CST
The last time my friend and I go home together, we had an argument regarding love as a choice or not. For him, love is never a choice. He also knew people who love the people they hated before. He was also arguing that if love is a choice, then you can choose to stop loving the person you don't want to be involved to. For me, loving someone is a choice because loving someone is liking someone at first. Sometimes, you end up loving someone you hate because you find something interesting in the first place and you just can't stop loving that person easily because you can't let go of the blissful feeling of loving.
What do you think?
11 responses
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
14 Jul 10
For me, it's not loving per se that is the choice. Neither is falling in love. It is when you open your heart for someone that is a choice. You decide whether to welcome that person into your life or not. You can choose to refuse, ignore, or act like you hate the person even if you love him for reasons which only you know about.
You can also choose to be with someone even if your feelings for him are half-baked.
Love can be learned though. Because you CHOSE to open your heart for that someone, or sometimes you just had no other choice. I believe that feelings either grow or wither and die if you let them.
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
16 Jul 10
Hi sub. My point is, you cannot choose the things that you feel. But you can choose to open yourself to the possibility being in love with a person.
Take for example, when you fall in love with someone married or someone with a GF/BF already. You can still have those feelings unintentionally. But you can choose not to go on with it because you know it's wrong! That's just my point.
@subterfuge54 (207)
• Philippines
15 Jul 10
I am quite confused. So when you are choosing to open up your heart. It's not love yet. It's just a brand new start. Am I correct? So it's like the start of falling in love. Where does the difference lies? Thank you very much. :D
@subterfuge54 (207)
• Philippines
29 Jul 10
Oh. So it's in choosing whom to love. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. :D
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
14 Jul 10
I don't think you ever plan to love someone. It just kind of happens and sometimes it is a surprise that is completely unexpected. You can't chose who you love, though you can choose who you like and the two are not always synonymous or interchangeable. Love happens when you connect with someone or are somehow touched by them in a deeper way. There are all sorts of kinds and levels of loving someone and sometimes love is wonderful and at other times you have to love people from a distance.
@subterfuge54 (207)
• Philippines
14 Jul 10
Well my point is that loving someone starts with liking them of course. You get attracted to them somehow sometimes in a negative way. You start thinking about how good and bad they are until such time that you are able to connect with them in a special way. :D
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
15 Jul 10
I think you can meet someone and find something to love about them instantly. It doesn't mean you'll have a successful relationship with them, but it can make life a little more interesting.
@sweetgarg (392)
• India
14 Jul 10
i think loving someone can never be a choice its like u start loving someone and u even dont realize it.
and what i feel if u r loving someone by choice u r not loving him or its just u r timepassing with that person
@soulsshine (488)
• Bangladesh
14 Jul 10
I agree...love knows no rules but thus there is a line.."love at first sight"
@soulsshine (488)
• Bangladesh
14 Jul 10
I'm not agree with you. I think your friend is right. Love never happens under condition. It just happens. It knows no rules, no status, no boundary, no argument, and no logic. When you think that to love someone, you have to like something in him first, then you are setting a condition. Actually its confusing.
When you are in love, you start to love everything in him/her. I don't how love comes, may be it comes from heaven. Didn't you see people start wearing their love's favorite color shirts? it's not just for show off, they do it because they start loving everything of their love. I believe, love comes first, don't know how..
@subterfuge54 (207)
• Philippines
15 Jul 10
Yes, sometimes you just happen to love someone without you realizing it. You love the feeling of being just near them. There is no rule of course on whom you are going to fall in love with. You just happen to be drawn by them. But I guess that's not love yet. You first find yourself tangled in the thoughts of them until you find yourself falling in love with all of him. You get attracted first and by being attracted to that person seemed an unconscious choice, beyond logic, beyond rules. Just like a magic. :D
@aldawn22 (224)
• Philippines
28 Jul 10
I think it's a choice, they said mind over matter. Your the one who controls all things, if you choose to fall in love with that person or not. But it's already proven that once a person fells in love with another person it's very hard to move on or to forget that person because we thought life is unhappy without that particular person. Love is difficult to manage, sometimes people becomes crazy specially to those intelligent individual probably their mind are already full so there are no space to think about love. They just let their heart control it.
@subterfuge54 (207)
• Philippines
29 Jul 10
Yes, indeed! That is what I also think. Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts. :D
@ReadyWriter12 (124)
• United States
14 Jul 10
From personal experience love is a choice based on circumstances. There have been people in my past that I've loved and today I still love them not be choice but because something about them has made a permanent place in my heart. I can learn live with that until I find a place in my life to finally let them go. The number of years you're with a person and the things that you've done with that person contribute to this. Mentally you can choose at anytime to stop loving someone but when you are dealing with the heart, at least for me it takes time to stop loving.
@subterfuge54 (207)
• Philippines
15 Jul 10
Yes indeed! I agree with you. Love is a choice primarily because you find each one special that you just can't take them out of your head and heart. :D
@xcel0684 (76)
• Philippines
14 Jul 10
Loving could be a choice or not or both...you choose to love a person because that's what you FEEL. Your brain followed your heart...sometimes we love because we THINK the person is deserving of our love and he/she is meant for us who can love us in return. Your heart follows your brain...
@edwardjoy2000 (2387)
• United Arab Emirates
14 Jul 10
loving someone is not a choice...You may fight with a friend of your everyday but one day if the friend is gone you will start missing him / her. So love just happens to anyone with anyone without the restriction of caste or color.
@wzs2007 (15)
• United States
14 Jul 10
We have to keep in mind, that "love" is not an emotion, but rather it is more of an action. Sometime people confuse an act of love for being in love, and that is were feeling get mixed up. When you love someone, you treat them a certain way, therefore it goes without always having to be confirmed with the phrase that some people misuse all too often, "I Love You"! Just be mindful that if you feel that you love someone, than review yourself and ask yourself, what am I doing to show my love. "Live Free, and Be Happy".
