Why does love have to be so complicated?

What right does he have to call you stupid? I am offended by the thought of that. In fact, what kind of counselor is he if he calls his very good friend stupid. You deserve better than this. You are being taken advantage of emotionally. By the way you explain it, there is some give and take in the financial practical areas, you do things for him, and he does things to help you. But emotionally he is beating you up. I know jobs are hard to find, my two nephews live near you. Do you qualify for disability payments because of your hearing? What kind of work do you do?

You are amazing! You seem to really understand what I am talking about. I do, do a lot for him by letting him use my home to eat, shower and use my computer. I wash his clothes and even have to help him pick out his clothes most of the time. I'm 42 and he is 57 still needing my help with his clothes. GEE! But, in return he has helped me in ways with keeping me off the streets by giving me a place to sleep in his second home he used for counseling practice by letting me sleep on the couch. Now I have a place of my own and I try to be nice to let him use it in the day time. But, at times I feel used. Yes, he has set up very nice conditions. Yes, I should ask him to leave. But right now I can not do that and I'm afraid to. I have no car, no job as of almost two years now, (Keep putting aps. in every week and being turned down continually)living in Government Subsidized Housing, he is my main source for transportation, food (aside my Food Stamps), and helping me pay my bills. If it wasn't for all that, I would ask him to leave. I do love him with all my heart. You are right, he uses me in ways, is controlling. I have tried to tell him that I am in control of my life and he says I am not. I'm to stupid to be in control. Then latter he tells me after leaving my place spending time telling me I'm not in control, I'm not smart, I'm stupid and spending a few hours looking at dating websites, he tell me he really loves me, appreciates what I do and only if I didn't talk of other women, money or his time, he could fall deeper in love with me. That is not what I call love. Love is to respect, honor and trust who you are with. Until I get my life in order (hoping to find that right Network Marketing job that will help me) to where I can take care of myself financially, I have to hang on a little longer before kicking him to the curb. Thank you so much for understanding me. Your reply really helps me more than you know. God Bless You.

Thank you so much for your reply. Your comment really helps me a lot. Never thought of it being 'the persons WHO are in love' are complicated. I also appreciate you being caring in warning me that he could end up using me for my benefits and then leave me when he is over me. I will be cautious to not let that happen. Thank you so much for your help. God Bless.

My son used to get scammed that way somewhat. I just was wondering with your hearing impairment if you would qualify for SSI. It is hard to get, but you need reliable help that does not put you down.

No, your not being harsh on me at all. This guy has his own private practice. He does not get very many clients and only charges $85 per session and depending on the person's finances, he will go as low as $45. Most clients pay the $45. He may only have five or six a week. He has to sell things to have money. He sold his truck four years ago, but never used the money for plumbing. The he sold his tractor and still did not use it for fixing the plumbing. Then he sold his station wagon. Is the plumbing fixed? No! Then in 2008 he sold this old house he used for his practice. Plumbing? No! Why? Well, instead of using the the money to fix the plumbing so he could have water, he used the money to: A) send to a an agency to give to a Russian women he wanted to chat with. Only to find that after three months, she scammed him. He then did the same with a Ukraine lady only to find in five month, scammed. Then he met a women from TN three summers ago. She keeps saying she wants to move to OK and need some money from him to help her get here. Is she here. NO! She makes excuses that she had to use the money to fix her car, or get some food to eat as her sister she lives with isn't feeding her, or she need meds. She will then say she is ready again and then make excuses again. Three years. She still isn't here. I tell him she is a scammer and this guy denies it telling me she is not a scammer. One time she said she was sorry but had to use the $800 he gave her to drive to Main to see a sick friend. Then writes to tell him how her friend in Main took her sky diving for the first time. She is using him and he is blinded. But as far as friends, I don't have any and has been hard to keep them when I make them. They end up using me and hurting me when I do nothing but be kind, sweet and gentle to them. You know, maybe I should get Social Service on my side. But, 20 years ago this guy use to work along side with Social Services in TX. I would be nice to have a lot of people cheering me on. Thank you for your advice. Again, you were not harsh at all. You were a big help. :)

Yes I do think I deserve better. Your comment hit me hard in a way that you helped me open my eyes to a lot. How so right you are in saying he wants me to be his "door Mat." There are a of times I tell him to stop wiping his feet all over me like I'm some kinda "door mat." I often do wish I never let him have passage to my place. The only reason I keep him around for a temp reason is: (1)I have not job and have not had one since 2008. NO one will hire me. Now trying to do Network Marketing. Will still putting in aps. (2)Due to my not having a car, he is my transportation. (3)He helps me pay my rent, electric, gas, phone and some groceries when my Food Stamps runs out. Until I can get on my feet and out of Government Subsidized Housing, I am stuck with him. The sad part is, it's okay for him to look at other women, but me, if I look at or talk other men by phone or on dating websites, he chews me out for it. I do love myself but hate that I allowed this kind of man in my life. You are so right. There are better men out there and I need to stop getting hurt. I need to stop looking and hope someday one will come knocking at my door. Thank you for the eye opining advice. It really helps. You made me feel better about myself. Thanks again. God Bless You.

Hi, Sorry I came down on you so hard, but I just saw "red." I talk to young like yourself all the time. I talk to them as if they are my daughters, so I guess that is why I jumped all over you, loving of course. Now, I understand your situation a little clearing. I hope you can get yourself in a better situation soon. Take Care

I forgive you. Thank you for understanding the situation a little better. You can talk to me like I'm your daughter as I my mom passed on in 2004 and I don't have any friend due to it being very hard for me make friends. I try and end up getting hurt by them all the time. I don't understand why I get hurt all the time when all I do is be kind, loving and caring.

...Hi there, I wish you such good luck with this. I think you realize what he is doing. Don't put yourself out there emotionally anymore, he is not worth it. He is saying to you, you're my fall back. You deserve better. Trust me! Take good care of yourself. By the way I do understand about the bill situation, at least he is helpimg you there. Go to www.authspot.com/writers/quiet+voice.8137, look for "Letting Go: Stop Chasing Ghosts" or check www.socyberty.com/writers/quiet+voice.8137 for the article. I forget which one it's on. It's worth reading. Take it easy.

I really appreciate your help with the websites. I will check out to see which one it is on. Thank you so much for all your help. You are truly a Blessing. Take care and thanks again. You made my day.

Thank you for the welcome. I never thought I'd ever find a GREAT site with so many amazing people on here who sound as if they really care. This site make me feel so comfortable enough to share my feelings about me and my life with others. I so far I have had nothing but very positive comments from people that make me feel like we are all one big happy family. I too feel he loves searching for "the one". Yet, after dating a few times with one person, or talking to them, he gets so frustrated with himself and ends up needing me. He will take a few days and go off away from the computer feeling so depressed and not wanting to talk to ANYONE. He has times at night he leaves here and turns his cell phone off and home phone too so as to not be bothered. He has been searching for four years. He wants someone that is "smart, honest, truthful, has a college degree, likes or is into playing classical music like Bach or Beethoven, is an accountant, or work in a lawyers office, likes art museums/shows, theater/play type theater, the symphony, does writing, or even likes table tennis. Then they have to have the kind of body, and hair style he likes. Oh! And... They also have to be SUPER SMART and respect him the way he wants to be respected/treated. It's like; if you don't do it his way, you are stupid and not good. So, when the one he goes out with a few times does not what he is looking for, he comes back to think maybe I am the one for him. If after talking to them on the computer for a while turns sour, same thing, back to thinking I just may be the one for him. He wants all the above molded in one. There is no one out there like that. He is so picky. I feel he has wasted my time but due to no job cause no one will hire me, I only have him around as he will pay my bills for me. Till some one says yes to my application, I am stuck with him. I don't want to be at the fair, but just have to a little longer till I can get someone to say yes to me on a job. Thank you for understanding my situation and helping me out with it. you have been a great support. God Bless.

Thank you for the reply. It is confusing. At times he seems scared and other times I think he just wants to be friends. I get mixed signals. That is what is so complicated.

Thank you so much for your advice. I think I should just get him to take me someplace like a park or nearby lake where we I can talk to him. At least he will not be distracted by the women on line. I should also get him to turn cell phone off. He tends to get lots of text messages from the women he talks to. Thanks again for your advice.

You seem to know just how things are. You are so right with what you have said. He says he says he appreciates what I do, but the actions are show different. I fix a nice meal. He comments on how he appreciates it and then tells me how I should have made it better or how I should have cooked it this way instead. That is not appreciation to me. It's like, 'I love when you do this 'BUT', I appreciate this 'BUT''. There is always a BUT in there. He says he loves me and looking at women on the net is just his way of relaxing. He says he may not find here. When he gets frustrated, he comes back to me wanting me. Do I want to wait all my life for him to make up his mind and lose my chances of really finding Mr. Right? I'm not sure and keep leaning towards NO. I can be his friend, but I promise you additional1001, I will not let myself be used by him or any man. That is a promise. You are so right, it is better to be in no relationship than a bad one. Thank you for your help. God Bless

Thank you for the advice. I have tried to talk to him but he seems to want things his way. He told me that looking at other woman trying to find the right one is 10% chance. He has been at this five years now. He also tells me that the only reason he looks at women on dating sites like Ukraine woman, china woman and Russian woman is because it is relaxing. He loves me but looking at them is relaxing and I should just 'GET OVER IT!' Does he really love me when looking at them? Do I just stop talking to him about his spending money on women who live in another state he isn't dating? Do I just stop talking about the women he looks at? Am I really dumb and need to be smarter for him? Do I stop all those things just to get him to really take notice of me and want to be with ONLY me and no one else? Con fussed???

I understand your financial difficulty if he is helping with small amount of money. I feel bad that you are stuck in this situation because you need to be able to pay your monthly bills but dont deserve to be treated in this way. I think hes taking advantage of your unfortunate situation which he will have to answer for his ways one day! I will pray that you can find another source to help with monthly expenses. I know it is hard i have too been in this situation when your partner has you over a barrel and theres no easy way out.

I've told him the truth about how it hurts me to see him on the dating sites when he knows how I feel for him. He tells me it is just his way of relaxing. I am only keeping him around as he helps me with transportation as I have no car. He helps me pay rent, electric, gas and phone due to I don't have a job at the moment and am living in Government Subsidized Housing. If I tell him to get lost, he cuts of all ties with helping me anymore. I have no one else to turn to as I have no friends and my mom, dad, two older brothers and older sister are all deceased. I'm devoriced and feel alone and lost if I didn't his help. This is just a very complicated situation till I can get back on my feet. Guess I'm just in a mess. All this makes me tired and worn out. So, you see why it is hard for me to kick him to the curb. Can't even date right now. I will be on the computer writing on here and when he comes over and sees that I am finishing up with something on here, he questions me with, "Who are you talking to?", while looking over my shoulder trying to read what I am doing as if I am talking to a guy. It's like he can look at woman. talk to them by phone, and text them, but I can't get on dating websites, or talk to men. It makes him mad. I'm just in a jam. Thank you for your response.

Thank you for the comment. You know, sometimes I look in the mirror and love myself but hate my life. Can you love yourself if you hate your life? I often wonder that. If your life is not good and I'm unhappy with myself, how can I love myself? Does anyone have an answer to that? Thank you for your praying. God Bless

Thank you for what you have said. I sent you a friend request so I can chat with you a little on some questions I have from what you wrote. I believe you could help me through this. God Bless.