Being asked out by a much younger guy...
By Bellapop
@Bellapop (1279)
July 15, 2010 1:28pm CST
It's actually very flattering when a woman in her 30s is being asked out by a much younger guy who finds her attractive. I think with guys being in their late 20s, a relationship could still work realistically. But what happens if a guy in their early 20s or a college kid who is barely 18 asks you out? I think nowadays where a lot of woman look after themselves well and are able to look a lot younger than their actual years, some being still able to pass for their 20s or some who could really pass for being in their teens still. How do you deal with guys who think you're the same age as them asks you out? Personally, I have been asked out by a couple of guys who were much younger than me when I was 25. I went back to college and tried to 'blend' in. With one of the guys it was bit of a disaster, he asked me in front of everyone and in shock, I said to him that I was not looking for a relationship, and that he didn't really know me (which was true - this was during the thrid week of term). Afterards, he just kept asking for reasons, why, probably because he didn't believe me the first time or something, and kept asking whether there was something wrong with him, and I could really tell it affected his confidence. I feel guilty, because I know at that age, young people can be so sensitive to the little things and that you really have to be careful what you say. So what should you do in those circumstances? Did I really say the wrong thing? Also, going out with a guy who is 10 years younger than you, could it really work in the long term (thinking of marriage, children etc.)?
10 responses
@rosegardens (3032)
• United States
16 Jul 10
Wow, that is very flattering. However, the behavior of this class mate is a bit troublesome. He cannot seem to let go of you, and I am a bit concerned for your safety.
Please be careful.
@Bellapop (1279)
•
16 Jul 10
Thanks Rose, we're miles apart now, so we only keep in touch through e-mail, as friends we have known each other about 6-7 years now, although we're not close good friends that kind of thing, more acquaintences, which is fine and I am happy to stay friends, but he keeps suggesting that we meet up, which again is perfectly fine, there is no problem with that, but I'm just uncomfortable with the fact that he's offered me a room in his house to stay when I do go up, again, on one hand I'm grateful of the gesture, on the otherhand I don't think we're that good a friends for me to stay at his house, so it's kind of a bit awkward to refuse without offending him...
@rosegardens (3032)
• United States
16 Jul 10
That would be an awkward situation, having him ask you to stay at his house. It sounds like he has not gotten over you yet.
@Bellapop (1279)
•
16 Jul 10
No, I don't think he's that 'in love' with me, I know what sort of material I am, and i'm not really the type that guys fall over for (!), it's just a bit strange that's all, and when we talk about him coming over to where I am, he almost invites himself to stay at mu house, it's not really convenient as I have family and they have never met him, and I've tried to explain it to him as delicately as possible trying also not to offend him, but he justs acts all over familiar, he's probably just being friendly but I just feel a little too uncomfortable, it's a very long story and complicated situation... :(
@edwardjoy2000 (2387)
• United Arab Emirates
15 Jul 10
I know it feels odd. But would you imagine a girl who is in her late teens asking a married guy to taker her out. I know she had a crush on me, i was a good friend to her. But i didnt know what she felt about me. She used to tell her schoolmates that i was her bf. She used to meet me everyday and in the begining my wife didnt mind. I made her understand that i am married and also about the age difference. I increased the distance so that i my wife didnt fell that i was diverted from her. I love my wife and dont want to hurt her at any cost.
@Bellapop (1279)
•
15 Jul 10
Girls at that age will fall into a crush with a lot of men, married or not, but to tell everyone that you're her boyfriend as well...that is bordering a bit on possessiveness, although I'm happy for you that your wife is understanding, as I know many would not tolerate that and would blame the husband for encouraging the girl...however, girls at that age are so sensitive and fragile emotionally... :)
@jagjit273 (1754)
• India
16 Jul 10
Well Bellapop, as you are mature, I dont think I ahve to suggest you or give you a lecture on this, But I want to say,Its the Understanding of you two individuals towards each other, between each other and for each other that counts.If you think that you wont feel ashamed or disgusting while going with him or giving him company then ther is no harm in moving forward with him, but you must know his intensions towards you,what does he wants from you.what kind of attarction, affection, or other feeling he has for you.You Must look into all these things and what are your expections towards him.
Have a Nice day
@ilann1 (372)
• Israel
16 Jul 10
I'd be flattered. But I'd probably refuse him too.
I believe that age is just a number although when it comes to serious relationship that number is being abused badly. I can already see few arguments around the age area when having serious relationships, like: "You should be doing better since you are younger and healthier" or "You should respect me because I'm older" or "You are not experienced enough" and so on..
@charmlenile (387)
•
16 Jul 10
For me age doesn't matter in any aspect like what you said when you say that it affects his personality.You know their are some other guys whose age is older than you are but knowingly his mind is younger than the teenagers and that young guy maybe his mind is matured enough because he will not have courage to say it in front of you and never care what will be the reactions of the people if he don't like you at all.That means he knows what his doing and you were asking if its going to work it out yes!It is you two can tell on that situation as you go along.
@Albert1989 (372)
• Malaysia
17 Jul 10
Actually, difference age between 2 lovers i snot a big deal as long as they know loving each others.
Besides that, life experience, shared values and common beliefs are the cornerstones of a good and solid relationship and in cases of high school aged kids dating independent adults. These essential ingredients are all too often missing.
As we age, gaps of 5, 10 , and even 15yers seem to matter less because our life experiences are more similar. When we are still young to find our voice in this world dating, somebody who is significantly older, can stifle us.
While it may seem worldly, mature or sophisticated to have a much older lover in reality, we are robing ourselves of some much needed personal growth time. We do not gain maturity by surrounding ourselves with older people. We gain it by living and learning for our own^^
@Bellapop (1279)
•
17 Jul 10
I think when someone gets together with someone much older than them just for their wisdom, I think the younger person has just mistaken the feel of admiraion for 'love'. I have always found myself in admiration and respect for much older people who many are still very attractive physically but there is a great difference between the two. It actually annoys me when I see a 50+ man who still goes ahead to marry a girl of 20. Although she may feel the same and feel 'love' for him also, at that age, she is still not mature enough to know otherwise...
@majosh (15)
• South Africa
16 Jul 10
I saw, and immediately, fell in love with a guy 10 years younger than me. I was 44 at the time. Yes, it was love at first sight. The attraction was mutual and we ended up having a beautiful, fulfilling and fun relationship. My 11 year old son adored him too, and so it was a relationship straight from heaven. He did, however, tell me that his ultimate goal was to have kids. He knew from the start that I was not going to have any more kids. It was never a bone of contention. We both enjoyed the relationship while it lasted. Sadly tho, it had to come to and end when his paternal feelings got the better of him! So, off he went, and eventually found a nubile young woman and married her. It hurt, of course, but we both knew the score from the outset. So, my philosophy in life is very simple: if it feels good, enjoy it. If it feels wrong, walk away. And dont ask too many questions :)
@Bellapop (1279)
•
16 Jul 10
Oh, this sounds so sad....a perfect love story with a sad ending...I understand from your point of view that being 44 was a bit of a risk for your health to have more children...I think it it was me, I would have minded a lot, knowing that he would soon go off and find someone else, I would have taken it very personally and not got involved in the first place but that's just me...
@aenghelle (1)
• Philippines
16 Jul 10
well, i think there's nothing wrong with that.. as long as your comfortable with each other. age doesn't matter. :)
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
16 Jul 10
It's really hard to tell. For me though I go more for conventional relationships. You know, the man is older than the girl but not too old to be her father or grandfather.
There is no exact formula when it comes to relationships. Even the most perfect-seeming couple can still wind up divorced or separated.
Just this morning I had a conversation (almost like this) with my officemate and my cousin and my cousin answered that it's always about faith in each other. Love moves really in mysterious ways and who are we to judge.
I have never been asked out by a younger guy before. Well there was one but he was just months younger than I. So I don't think our situation qualifies.
@shia88 (4571)
• Malaysia
16 Jul 10
Hi,
it happened to me before when I was young.
I got to know a man who is younger than me 3 years old, we are a good friend,till now we still keep in touch. and for your info, we are having our own family now with kids.
This younger man came to give me a visit and I brought him for a walk...we spent our times together and after he went back to my hometown, he still kept in touch.
I did not know that he started to like me...till he told me one day.
I knew that he treated me well,but I don't have that kind of Special feeling for him at all.,since I treat him as my young brother.
However, I did not accpet him as my boyfriend, my parent will sure object to it too and no point for me to accept him.AT least, we still can be friend and continue our long lasting friendship.
@okuribidreams (195)
• Italy
15 Jul 10
I am often asked out by boys that are much younger than me, because I'm 22 and totally look like I'm 16. But when things like this happen to me, I don't have the same problems you have - sure, they're much younger than me and six years of difference may not be much in older ages, but when you're in your twenties and the boy is a teenager it really is a big difference. Most of the time I just tell them my real age and they don't suffer much, since they're not even remotely serious when they ask me out, but once one of them was really disappointed.
I can only tell you that if you're looking of a serious relationship, it may not be the best choice to date a boy who is ten years younger than you, but don't judge before knowing them better. I am sure that many of them can be really serious in relationships as well - many of the boys my age are already thinking about children and marriage, and that's where I have problems dealing with them, because I don't want to think about it yet.
I think you didn't say the wrong thing at all, just this, try to know them better before judging them, because many of them may look for older women because they're more serious than the girls that are their age.
@Bellapop (1279)
•
15 Jul 10
Thanks for your reply, yes, I did feel very guilty after turning him down, personally, he wasn't really my type, and I just felt sorry for him as he did probably think I was younger, and he just kept asking me why, even two years down the line, he still asks, we have kept in touch as I respect him for the guts it took for him to approach me like that, but still, I can feel that he is pretty sensitive when we talk about girlfriends and boyfirends in our conversations, he still seems quite possessive when I mention a guy, even if he isn't my boyfriend...
@shahrukhnf (168)
• United States
15 Jul 10
Ya me to feel that its lil bit wierd but u should go with him or her u should not break his or her hesart so badly u should go with u don even noe wehat will hapen so its beter to go if heez goin to pro u then its gud na go gho.....
@Bellapop (1279)
•
16 Jul 10
Well, I didn't really knw him, plus he wasn't my type, even if he was very attractive, I wouldn't just go out with him, for me I just prefer to get to know a person first, otherwise it'll just be case of grabbing someone off the street and just out to the cinema with them! ;)
