When do you think a friend is not a friend
By nicole0114
@nicole0114 (3)
Canada
July 16, 2010 9:26am CST
So one of my friends of 6 years was having a birthday party.
She is a total partier.
We both have kids the same age, and although I used to party before my child I dont anymore.
I dont expect her to give up her life and totally devote it to her child but I do expect her to put him first.
Anyways she facebook everyone even my husbands friend but not me inviting them to her party.
So I confronted her. And of course she made all the excuses she could even saying it was a premade list which I knew it wasnt cause last year my husband's friend wasn't included I was.
What would you do if you were in this situation?
Would you blindly ignore it thinking it was a mistake?
Or end your friendship?
Or keep her on a short leash?
4 people like this
19 responses
@Baluyadav (3643)
• India
16 Jul 10
when ever they hide secrets with us .if i feel that a particular person is not fit for the proverb-friend in need is a friend in deed.
1 person likes this
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
16 Jul 10
First and foremost- don't let it bother you. What do u have in common with this female that is so important? Why not begin to think of her as someone who is not a player in your life. Why is it important that you be invited to her party? The trouble with friends is that they often don't value your friendship, as much as you value theirs. Wait until she befriends you, then you will know that either she wants a favor from you or she truly wants to be included as one your friends!
@jackall77 (41)
• United States
16 Jul 10
I agree, dont let it bother you. Its obvious that you both dont have things in common like you used to because you started the discussion with how she parties and you dont and you judge her for that. Even if its just a small amount, you can see that you dont agree with her current choices and that you both arent on the same path anymore. That is ussually a good indicator that your not the friends you used to be and you should look for people that ARE in the same mindset as you are. Facebook is great but it can also ruin relationships because we are constantly snooping in on others affairs. Dont worry about what happening on the other side of the fence and focus on your side, Im sure you'll find some great people to hang out with that will fill you with joy and not resentment.
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
27 Jul 10
Hi, nicole0114. I would not be too happy about this. I would confront her about it and hear her side of the story. I would not, trust her anymore after this either. Keeping her on a short leash would be good for the time being. If she decides to ditch you again, you won't fall hard faced down on your face. She had no plans to invite you. And any friend that does something devious as this, is no friend at all.![](/Content/images/emotes/sad.gif)
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@Skade24 (750)
• Romania
18 Jul 10
There are so many reasons to get upset on a friend. There are so many bad things that he could do to make you upset. But the most important are that he could lie to you, or do things behind you back, betraying you, or saying bad things about you to other peoples.
@krnavtr (285)
• India
24 Jul 10
If i were in such position i would have got hurt but i will think that she might have forgot to invite me because of her happiness and as she is more closer to me,she thought she don't have to invite also.I will not stop the friendship.
@thunder915 (180)
• India
27 Jul 10
We should not ignore within short time , because friendship are a strong bond which took several years built. so just take it easy may be tommorrow she may feel regreat on it and ask forgiveness.
@AndrewFreyne (6281)
• United Kingdom
17 Jul 10
When they start taking advantage of you and looking at you as though you are soft, maybe even stealing from you behind your back! I've had some of these experiences with someone whom I thought was a very good friend. I immediately terminated the friendship! You don't need people in your life that are going to take advantage of you!
Reading your situation it doesn't seem as serious as what I went through but all the same I would be cautious, perhaps give your friend another chance and if the same thing happens over and over it's time to make a drastic decision as regards whether you want that person in your life. I think that every situation is different though and should be looked upon as such! It's nice to have friends and it's very difficult to give them up once you become attached to them over the years! Still, it's better to err on the side of caution as regards who you let into your life. Andrew![](/Content/images/emotes/happy.gif)
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@Archie0 (5653)
•
16 Jul 10
I have always been on the bad luck when it came to get genuine friends. I had always got different friends who never tried to support me. They always kept on moving when they thought their work being with me was over. Well now i think its better to give them their own space, and let them exit whenever they want to, its just becomes hard when we are too attached to someone, if we are enough for ourselves we would'nt be needy for friends much.
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
17 Jul 10
It could have been a mistake,did you ask her if she wanted you to go.I think that a friend that stabs you in the back aswell as talks about you are not true friends.I also think that if she did not want to be your friend then she would not even waste her time explaining herself.
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
17 Jul 10
Sometimes it is difficult to know when a friend is being true to you or not. You want your friends to be a big part of your life. You have truest for a friend. I believe that a friend is not a friend when they are doing something that only uses the relationship for their own means. If the true feelings of friendship do not exist, how can you call that person a friend?
@rosebinas (180)
• Philippines
16 Jul 10
She has been your friend for more than six years now. So, she knows you better than anyone does. Maybe, she knows and felt that you have changed after your baby came. Now maybe, since you are not much of a party goer like you used to- anymore, not to mention the fact that you are after all her- best friend, she decided to just put you on her mental list. Besides, real friends don't expect formal invitations from each other anymore. She's been the same person before and after the babies. Have you not considered the fact that it might be you who actually changed? Maybe, she's the one who's feeling neglected there. Examine yourself and think back for a while. Again, was she the one who changed or was it really you? For now, it wouldn't be healthy to entertain doubts yet. Observe first. Find out what's missing. After which, you can start reacting.
@shahrukhnf (168)
• United States
16 Jul 10
when a friend starts ignoring us and not be with us in any matter with us it seem that he or she is not our real friends special girls they r like don trust them they r not so gud for boys ether shez ur sis..
@mmebautista28 (113)
• Philippines
17 Jul 10
hmm, a friend is not a friend if he/she just takes advantage of your abilities. about your situation, i think i would just ignore such a thing and act naturally. but of course, something like that would piss you off. if it is so, then just treat her coldly. maybe she'd realize her mistake.
@sawosanya (1)
• United States
17 Jul 10
A friend is not a friend when you realize there are not beneficial to you and your well-being.
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
16 Jul 10
WELCOME TO MYLOT!!!
Well me being me, I think I'd feel compelled to call bull chit on this one!!! I don't think I would have asked her why I wasn't invited. However, since you did, I think I would have had to confronted her on the lie!!! Do you think it might have anything to do with the fact that she knows how you feel about partying??? Maybe it makes her feel uncomfortable. I agree with you that she shouldn't be partying so much now that she has a child; but I also feel it is HER business when & how often she parties!!!! My other line of thinking is that after 6 years of being friends, I wouldn't want to be at one of her parties if she didn't want me there, but I think I'd put out my radar for other strange behavior. Maybe you consider her a better friend than she considers you. If by a "short leash" you mean watching your back around her....YES most definitely, but I don't know that I'd turn everything she does into something bad!!! I'd be her friend until I was positive she no longer wanted my friendship!!!
@ANIME123 (2466)
• United States
16 Jul 10
If I were in your shoes I would be like fine forget you I would end the friendship because your friend is not being a true friend she is just being a total meanie. You should have lots of parties and not invite her, but invite people she knows to get back at her.
@xcel0684 (76)
• Philippines
16 Jul 10
If I were you, I would not give up our friendship. If this is the first time, I would let it happen and see how the following days with her go. She has been your friend for 6 years so I think you already have known it since from the start whether she has resentment against you.
@wannaberich (246)
•
16 Jul 10
Give her a chance, maybe it really was an honest mistake. You both seemed to have undergone a lot with 6 years of friendship. If she makes yet another mistake, then that would prove she doesn't deserve to be called a friend.
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