After 28 years....my father came back.

This is hard to take fro your mother inlaw aqnd I can understand. How could a man who deserted her and his son for 28 years and now out of no where he turns up to be accpeted, welcomed and whatelse he has in his mind. I, for one, do not know how you as a daughter inlaw to the man react to this situation. I hope cope well and may I think you just go with your husband, but my biggest worry is that what you and your husband try to do, you must avoid as much as possible not to upset your mother in-law who single handedly brough up your husband to what he is now. It takes courage, guts and work to do that I think you and your husband to respect as much as you can, while tryng to make up for the lost time with the old man. The poor guy as you mentioned must have something deep inside him, and I think it will take some time before he pours it out to you. Take necessary care when you deal with both your mother and father inlaw. Wish you luck.

it is a very strange situation that will resolve itself one way or the other, if your mil accepted him back then there of course will be an adjustment period. Or perhaps they will just be on speaking terms but living in a different house.

There are persons who only realize their faults after a very long time. What they don't realize that the person or persons they left do most of the time feel deep bitterness towards them. It is unfair to those left.

hi ivygrey I would also be puzzled as to why he waited so longto step back into the family that he left on purpose. I am glad your husband felt like seeing and knowing his real dad. It must be very hard for all concerned to just pick up where they left off as too much time has passed for all concerned. I hope that he does not have some ulterior motive that nobody has discerned yet.

My advice would be to keep your eyes and ears open. I got a bad feeling when I read your discussion here. This man abandoned his family 28 years ago and, unless he murdered them all or they all (his mistress AND his other five children) have thrown him out and told him they never want to see him again, HE HAS JUST ABANDONED HIS SECOND FAMILY! Please keep that in mind. He's done it twice now so that proves that he is a selfish man. He obviously has no remorse about abandoning family! If it were me, I would not trust this man at all, not for a second. He has an ulterior motive but has chosen not to reveal it, at least not yet. Remorse for leaving his first family 28 years ago is NOT the reason he's back now. He should have felt remorse a LONG time ago. Yes, he definitely has his own motives for coming back and I feel they aren't good motives. Remember, he just abandoned his second family. I can almost understand leaving his wife because a lot of men do that but he's also left behind five children! They're probably all grown by now but that doesn't change the fact that he's left them. He either does, or he will someday, have grandchildren by these other children and they'll never get to know their grandfather. Obviously, your father-in-law doesn't care about those children or grandchildren. Nope, I would not trust him out of my sight. I would definitely NOT let him back into my house if I were your mother-in-law! He'd have to come up with a pretty good reason for coming back but, honestly, I can't think of a single reason that would be good enough for me to ever trust him again. Good luck!

If I would be in your husband's situation I would not believe him. I think it's unfair to be back after 28 years of abandoning his 1st family. Why? Is it because his second family no longer wants to take care of him or is not interested in keeping him once he is already too old to work and already bed ridden. I don't want to be rude or harsh but that would be the first thing that would be in my mind if it happens to me. Why now? We don't need him anymore. Your husband is all grown- up with a family of his own. What's his real intention? Why did it take him that long to realize what he did was wrong? He needs to prove his self first.

I would definitely keep my guard up. Something has changed to make him come around again. I doubt it is just a fight with his mistress or he would have done that a long time ago. If I was your husband, I definitely would not get too close. Good luck with your situation.

Probably he is unable to earn and wants some help to sustain himself.That iswhy this new found love has arisen.

That was great. After 28 years he was given a chance to have his family back! for me that was a great news! Whenever the story is about family, when it is good I am partying, when bad I cried. Even if I am not in that situation, I get affected easily. So your story makes me happy. I hope some of the family consider this one. Like after 28 years they still give chances for their family to reunite. Life is too short, how can you imagine he can have his family back!

I would not allow this man to just walk back into the lives of so many people and try to start making up for the 28 years that he was gone. I would suspect something was going on to make him do those kinds of things. I would sit him down and make him do some explaining before I opened my heart to him.

I'd certainly be very puzzled as to why he came back, especially since he's the one who left. I'm wondering what his reason for coming back after 28 years. I would be careful, if I were you.

To forgive is divine. STart anew. Give him chance. Turn everything to God.

some guys dont want any problem with their life and they tend to just have a good time thats why they tend to leave their wife or gf and child with them. they dont even think what will happened if they will leave them also for the fact that its 28 years so if im the ex wife i would say how dare him as now that we dont need him anymore. perhaps he just realize that now that his old he need someone to look after him thats why he tend to go back nor perhaps he have problem with his mistress thinking he still have another family. my bf also left me now while pregnant and if someday he will show off then i will not accept him nor introduce him to my child and if he will insist then i will not tell my child his the father. he deserve it besides the moment he step out from us, he already took that opportunity to be the father of my child and he already exclude his life from us. besides why wait for 28 years before come to realize how sorry he was is it because he knows he need his son. did you ever ask if he also have another child with his mistress coz if none hen perhaps thats the truth, he just need someone to take care of him now that his getting old.

I understand what you are saying, I would be confused too. Why come back now after 28 years but perhaps it is better to put closure on things. Of course it would be hard on your mother in law. I mean wtf? After 28 years it's like a whole lifetime you have been gone after we all have settled down? I too would feel the same way. But then as I have said it's good to put closure on things.

straighten things up after leaving for 28 years with no means of communication? how?

Maybe it's guilt. But it's up to your husband to decide whether he wants a relationship with his father or not. As long as his father isn't acting like a jerk, I'd just try and be supportive of however he decided to handle it.