Do you think that I should be friends with my ex boyfriend?
By cream97
@cream97 (29086)
United States
July 19, 2010 12:52am CST
I am on facebook again. And I am now friends with my ex boyfriend's brother. We have chatted for a little while. And now my ex boyfriend has wrote me back. I was inquiring if he was married or not. And he wrote me back. I think that him and his wife share the same account. I am a little hesitant at first. This is my my main concern. Before they ever knew each other me and this guy was in a mutual and committed relationship. We dated for over a year. We have been intimate too. I wonder if he can think of me differently then he does. I know that it will be hard for him to. I still remember everything that we have done together. Some of the memories are still fresh. Yes, I am happily married and all. I just get this strange feeling that he is not over me completely. The only reason why he is married to this woman is because he could not have me.. I know that this is true. Should I talk to him on facebook??? I don't want to cause any problems with his wife. I saw her picture and she is okay looking. Should I communicate with him. Or should I just delete him off of my friends list for good and just forget about the entire thing...
4 people like this
20 responses
@AmbiePam (94053)
• United States
19 Jul 10
I say delete him. You're both married - don't play with fire. Sometimes innocent things turn into something else. Especially if he isn't over you. But I kind of think you know it's not a good idea, right? It's nice to talk about old times, but anything with an ex when you're both involved with others, is not a good idea. You're smart.
2 people like this
@Blogger101 (139)
• United States
19 Jul 10
Wow why would you say that? Oh, lol I never saw the part were they are both married. heh opps...
2 people like this
@livewyre (2450)
•
19 Jul 10
You don't have to delete, you can just hide updates from an individual - now you have been in contact, it would raise questions if you deleted him.
As far as being friends go, I don't think it's the smart thing to do - you both have partners and may soon have families, if you think there's a chance he's not over you, then you should definitely leave the whole scenario well alone.
There are several things that could come out of this:
1. Nothing happens you are friends everyone is happy...
2. He has troubles with his relationship and starts trying to re-kindle your relationship
3. He has troubles with his relationship, and his wife THINKS he is trying to rekindle your relationship
4. You re-kindle your relationship!
If you are not seeking options 2 through 4, I suggest you don't pin your hopes on option 1
2 people like this
@much2say (56141)
• Los Angeles, California
19 Jul 10
I guess you have to ask yourself why "you" would want to reconnect with him, even though you've both moved on from your relationship.
I recently "found" on a Facebook search an old ex. As much as I'm curious as to what's been happening with him all these years, I'm not even going to bother. Unless he somehow connects to me - I'll just let him be. A couple years after he broke up with me (and I was already in a very committed relationship), he admitted that he would want me back if I ever broke up with the guy. Hmph - what made him think I would want "him" back?! After his "confession", I never heard from him again - maybe it was too hurtful or regretful for him. I eventually got married to my guy and basically lived happily ever after. I have a suspicion that my ex is still very single. I wouldn't mind reconnecting to exchange our life updates - but that's about it. Talking would be one thing, but rekindling a friendship would not be for me.
2 people like this
@teenymarie (107)
• United States
19 Jul 10
I think it's okay to be friends with him, as long as their are boundries. Obviously, any conversation that you wouldn't want his wife to see is inappopriate, whether they share the same account or not. If you want to try and be friends I think that's fine as long as there aren't any lines crossed.
2 people like this
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
19 Jul 10
Basing my answer to the facts you mentioned. I think you should not communicate with him just for now. Unless, you want closure with your past relationship. But it seems, this is not the proper time though you mentioned that you are happily married. Well, consider what the girl would feel if you and your ex will communicate again, besides the fact that your ex as you said has not gone over you yet. Since, there will be no effect on you, I think you should be the one to keep distant as a matter of respect.
2 people like this
@Satenik (102)
• Armenia
19 Jul 10
It's up to you to decide. If you feel comfortable to be just friends and nothing else, then it's OK. But if you still have feelings for him or he still cares about you it will be very difficult to conceal your feelings. You'll be waiting for any new from him and will be tied up to him. You say you don't want any trouble with his wife. But you should know that women have good intuition and someday his wife may doubt something. Be careful.
2 people like this
@jerikjames (1041)
• Philippines
19 Jul 10
I think it's ok to be friends with him. Nothing is wrong with being friends with a former flame. You should remember though that even if you guys shared a lot of memories together, those are just memories and its best leave them in the past. You both have families and you shouldn't even think about what you shared before because it would only complicate things for the both of you. I think you should make sure that your discussions strays far away from what you had. =)
2 people like this
@T_Diamond (965)
• New Zealand
19 Jul 10
How do you think this action will effect you? Will it have a positive or a negative flow around you?
You can always add him, and then delete him from your page later if you find things not going particular pleasant.
2 people like this
@mychickencurry (317)
• Philippines
20 Jul 10
Better not to talk to him in anyway. As much as possible delete him in your facebook account and never ever try to attempt sending message to him, you never know if its he that you are talking with or chatting with. Play it safe, I knew you don't want to cause any trouble so better not do it.
You both have your own lives now and try to live with it and move forward.
;)
@kaka10 (178)
• South Africa
27 Jul 10
It depends sometimes it is just better that some peole can't be friends if their wife/husband are fine with it and aren't jealous type of people it is okay, because sometimes you can end up being good friends, naturally if he still feels for you it is only going to open up old wounds which would be unfair to his wife. Always look at it from the other persons point of view and put youreslf in their shoes and think of what you would do.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
20 Jul 10
cream97 of course in the final case its all up to you, but I kind of
feel you might cause rifts in this person's marriage, and also what of
your own husband, would he really like you being palsy with an ex-oyfriend
I know my husband would not have stood for that.I think you are playing with fire.You are happily married so don't screw that up. Delete him.
1 person likes this
@christiana81 (717)
• Romania
19 Jul 10
I think it is ok to be friend with him...
1 person likes this
@Shinyqiu (119)
• China
20 Jul 10
In my opinion,there is two suggestion for you accord to your individual position.
If you don't harm deeply for each other,you should be friends with your ex bf.
If you harm or be harmed by him,you shouldn't be friends with each other.But from your mentioned,you can make friends but don't involve and influence his family at first.Otherwise it will be worse than before.
1 person likes this
@lunchz (43)
•
19 Jul 10
if that is the case and i was in your foot i will just delete him and have no communications to him at all. besides u just said that u don't want to cause problems with the couple, so just stay out of their sight. have mercy with the poor girl i know that u don't want the girl to suffer much pain realizing that she was less loved by her husband.. don't let her feel that ok? ^^
@Blogger101 (139)
• United States
19 Jul 10
I think you should be frinds again. You did really like eachother, so be frinds jsut for that. I don't see the point in dumping them then leaving forever. I think it jsut makes people sad, so become frinds again and remember the good times together.
1 person likes this
@cursoralbert99 (412)
• Malaysia
19 Jul 10
life goes on. just concentrate on what coming in the future and let go of the past.
being friend with ex is not a fault but somehow it will annoy you when some flash back appears in your mind.
better avoid being one and concentrate on what will happen next.
1 person likes this
